I try to be a good mother and do everything I can to make sure they have what they want/need but sometimes I get so depressed. I feel like my husband isn't appreciative of me- some days we don't speak to each other- not because we're fighting, but because we have nothing to say. I love him, but I don't know for sure that he loves me back. I have no desire to cheat, but recently while I was out buying groceries a guy hit on me and I walked away and ignored him, but cried the whole way home from the store because I felt like if a complete stranger can find me attractive, why can't the father of my children. Sometimes I get sad and I just zone out and my kids will want me to play but I'm so physically and emotionally exhausted I can't play with them. When I try to get my husband to help with the kids, he sometimes acts like he shouldn't have to do anything at home because he works all day. He leaves all the finances to me and that's stressful too. I'm so overwhelmed.
2006-12-12 08:55:57 · 10 answers · asked by Jennifer F 6 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Whatever you do, don't cheat on your husband. I suggest you take him to the side and tell him how you feel and what's going through your mind.
2006-12-12 09:00:27 · answer #1 · answered by christigmc 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've received some good advice. However, may I also add that what you are going through is all too often normal for stay at home moms [which I am assuming you are].
You need an interest aside from the children and managing the finances, cooking and cleaning. In many cities/towns there are organized groups of stay at home moms who get together to talk, share, and just have good ole everyday fun. Perhaps you could also take a hobby or take a class - leave the kids ONE day with a babysitter and treat yourself to a day JUST for you.
Lastly, It's not wise to keep all this pent up inside, however, it may also be not entirely the 'fault' of your husband but rather without affirming things that bring you joy in your life, you instead look for him to provide that. Love YOU first and foremost. Marriage does not have to mean giving up your sense of self nor should it ever mean living 'through' others.
As you discover YOU - you will also become SO very interesting to be around that you may very well have to 'beat off' attention and help from hubby :-)
2006-12-12 09:11:13 · answer #2 · answered by sage seeker 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have 2 choices.... Talk to him and work it out, or leave him. Both are going to be hard to do, but you need help or your going to lose your mind. Everything shouldnt be left on your shoulders to deal with and if you are feeling like this, then you need to work it out or walk away. Nothing is too hard to work out in a marriage except for cheating... So DONT CHEAT, talk to your husband. Tell him how you feel and that you need more support.
2006-12-12 08:59:13 · answer #3 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This will probably come off as really mean and you may not want to listen to anything I have to say but I think it will be some of the best advice...
If one person in a family, in this case you, is depressed or "down" it brings everyone around you down as well. Being depressed effects everyone around you- have you thought of how it may be effecting your husband? This sounds like a huge blame to put on yourself, but forget about blame right now, lets just look at the situation for what it is.
Your husband may be the type who doesn't like being around people who are depressed and down, including the wife who he loves. My mom was the type to always be down and depressed and I can't stand being around people who act like her. Your husband may be the same way. Or he may just get stressed out and depressed himself by just being around your depression.
As for your kids, picture this situation: "Daddy, why isn't mommy here any more? Didn't she love me enough to be here? I wish she could be with me now." Do you really want this to be your kid's future? OR "Guess what dad? Mom took me to the park today and she pushed me so high on the swings I almost peed my pants!!! It was soooo much fun!"
You have to change your behavior with behavior- you cannot think yourself out of this situation. You need to get into action. If you feel overwhelmed with tasks- make a to-do list. You need to pull yourself out of your depression, you can't just go around moping and feeling sorry for yourself, you will just make being around you very undesirable.
Here is what works for me:
I'm overwhelmed with dishes, laundry, clutter: make a to-do list and make sure it all gets done by the end of the day.
I feel unattractive: go for a jog or to the gym and come home and take a hot bath and slip into my cute lounge wear- my husband always likes that.
Accounting: I do my business and personal accounting every morning- when kept up, finances are easy.
I feel sad: I play with my daughter. I love her sooo much and just seeing her brings a smile to my face.
If you change your behavior in a positive way, your whole family will be effected in a positive way, including your husband.
2006-12-12 10:40:44 · answer #4 · answered by Erin H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every child need their mother, my mother wasn't there for me emotionally and she's still not. Thru therapy i have learned i pick the wrong people for relationships because of my mother's actions towards me with i was growing up. Don't abandon your children, you may need to go to therapy and get on meds for your depression and it will also help you with the relationship you have with your husband. Have you tried talking to him, if not you should, he might not know what's going on either. Go seek help from a counselor, it'll help really. Good Luck!
2006-12-12 10:30:05 · answer #5 · answered by ~?~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sure, the studio appartment is an excellent idea. you need to downsize by some ability. your little ones choose you and they received't concepts a small position. they'd be so a lot extra upset in the adventure that they idea they were deserted and as youthful ones, they'd imagine it truly is their fault. also see in case you need to get a job which will pay extra, or ask the social amenities what you would get from them in case you worked area-time. from time to time it truly is worth it because the money you don't get from artwork is particularly made up by the welfare (and also you save on childcare too in case you preserve your little ones some days). it truly isn't any longer a lengthy time period answer even with the undeniable fact that it supplies you extra time to adhere to for that dream pastime... and also you spend extra time with the youngsters.
2016-11-25 23:22:27 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand how you feel but do this one thing and you will have your answer.. when your children are asleep tonight go lay next to them and imagine them growing up with out you imagine how hurt they would be if you hurt yourself..so are your children better off without you? NO!
2006-12-12 09:00:54 · answer #7 · answered by iwearpink4life 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW, you remind me of me. Except my husband is CONTROLLING with all the money and Im a stayh home mom...we should become epals.
2006-12-12 09:13:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
after reading some of your Qs I should think they are MUCH better without you..............think your trying to be 'funny' but its not working.
keep taking the medicine
x
2006-12-13 04:30:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alcohol and a one night stand can put everything in perspective.
2006-12-12 09:17:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋