A question for Atheists (& other non- Christians) about abusive Christians?

Question

If possible, I would like some serious and factual answers to this question from atheists, secular humanists, and anyone else who does not consider themselves a Christian.

Please tell me a brief and succint story about how a Christian was abusive to you in some way. It could be verbally, physically, sexually, or any way you can think of. If you wouldn't mind, please respect that I would not care to read through a bunch of answers that contain profanity and obscenity. Thank you.

It is interesting that many who responded implied that I was prejudiced against Christians for asking this quesiton. The fact is, I am a Christian and have been for over 25 years. I wanted to see what people would tell me that might explain some of the hostility towards Christians that is displayed here on Yahoo Answers.
Of course I do not assume that all Christians are abusive to nonbelievers, quite the opposite!

Answer 1

First off, I want to thank you for being so polite about such a subject instead of insulting people like I unfortunately see too often from some folks. I don't think you're anti-Christian or even anti-atheist. And I don't think every Christian is abusive. I can see you're not from your question and my mother and my uncle(who's a Lutheran minister) aren't abusive to me, either.

I also know that not every Christian is mean to atheists, nor are all atheists mean to Christians. I know that and I try not to be that way myself. I've been on the receiving end more times than I'd like to admit and even when I'm insulted and offended, I try to be as polite as possible. People have the right to their opinion as I do mine. If people are being overly obnoxious or offensive on here, I tend to simply not even bother and find questions like yours that are polite and truly seeking answers.

That said, I have to speak from experience that I have, unfortunately, been abused religiously by my own family and this leads to a lot of tension(as they can have their opinion, but the attitude is, if I don't share it, I don't count) and plenty of fights, and as a result, probably some anger and resentment on the more sensitive aspects of religion on my part. I do my best to keep it in check(and I know it's not easy), but it is there to a point. I try not to be hostile, but I'm only human and aware it can slip from time to time.

So. To the point of your question.

I was never physically or sexually abused, but the emotional and mental damage remains.

One incident was when I was about six and in the first grade. I was frequently bullied both at school and on the bus ride home. I was dropped off at my grandmother's and on one particularly nasty day at the hands of bus bullies, I came home and went into the bathroom crying. Gram wonders what's wrong, so I tell her.

My otherwise sweet, loving grandmother, after hearing about the bullying, told me that I had a miserable life and always would because it was "God's plan" for me. A crying, frightened six year old who had done nothing to nobody and was threatened with being thrown off the bus while it was going down the road, was destined to be picked on because God wanted it that way? I don't think so.

Another incident involved my father when I was about fifteen or sixteen. I live in the Midwest and that winter left us with a lot of snowstorms. We had well over 20' that particular year and school and services were frequently cancelled or late. This particular Sunday, it was storming so bad, we couldn't see the field across the yard, nor to the cattle yard. Both were less than a hundred feet from the house.

Services at church, for whatever reason, weren't cancelled. Plenty were, but not ours. My mother and I didn't want to go out in the storm. We couldn't see where we were going, couldn't see the roads, and didn't want to get stuck in the middle of nowhere until someone found us. Which could have been hours or days.

Dad? Nope, we had to go. We were both smart, we knew it was too dangerous. He made us go. And we went in his truck headlong into the storm to where within seconds of leaving the driveway, we couldn't see the farm anymore. I didn't know where we were headed. I couldn't see the road, could hardly see ten feet in front of the truck. Did he turn back? Nope.

We got as far as the nearest highway before we managed to persuade him to not go to service. By that time, Mom and I were scared out of our minds, I was crying hysterically, afraid of getting lost in the storm. I think the only reason he DID finally turn around was because we all knew that it was doubtful ANYONE would show up to service in such weather.

That might not be abuse, but it's certainly endangerment. All over a religious belief and determination to get to church, even at the risk of his and his family's lives.

I've got a list of other similar tales that if you want to hear, I'll keep watch over this and email you, but these are two of the starker incidents that give me chills to think anyone could do emotionally to someone over a belief. Telling a frightened child bullying was God's plan for them, telling an equally terrified teenager that even though it was dangerous weather out, they had to go to service...it might not be physical abuse, but it's emotionally and mentally scarring to me to know I'm related to people who would and have done these things.

Answer 2

Christians are not necessarily "abusive," in the definition of the word that you're using it for. On the other hand Christianity has become the most dominate world religion and in Western countries the influence of Christianity is inescapable, everything from the vocabulary to our holiday celebrations reflects the pious roots of Western civilization. So to answer your question, for me personally, as an atheist, I've never been abused by a Christian but I've never been left alone either. Just sheer volume and repetition constitutes a form of harassment, after all I don't see Saturday morning cable channels dedicated to the power of atheism and trying to convince Christians that I'm right and they're wrong. Do you see where I'm coming from?

Answer 3

Good question in an easy to understand way of putting it. : ) As someone who sees it from the non-Christian side, I agree... Wanting to keep it so no group dominates is the better way to go, but these days it seems that some can't take it. They probably do see every little rejection to their wanting to dominate as hating them, when they are bringing it onto themselves and reading wrong into things... In regard to the schools...they have special schools where their kids can be educated in a Christian environment, the rest of us don't have that. They have the choice of schools, not us, so it is really up to them to decide what kind of environment they want and pick a school for it, not MAKE a school become what they want. If they did not pick a school with the environment they wanted, then it is only their choosing to blame.

Answer 4

I could mention a few, but what good would it do? I don't hold the actions of the few against the religion, what I hold against the religion I hold entirely on its own merits.

If I said I was abused by a Roman Catholic priest (I'm not saying I was or wasn't), would that invalidate the dozens of others I know who would never do such a thing?

If a Southern Baptist door-to-door evangelist put a gun to my face and asked me if I believed in God now, forcing me to correct his aim because his aim wouldn't have killed me and I didn't want to go through months of reconstructive surgery (this one actually did happen...), would that invalidate the dozens of Southern Baptists I know who have no interest in forcing their religion down my throat at gunpoint?

I have to say, I question the purpose of your asking such a loaded question.

Answer 5

One manager at a place I worked wanted to get me fired because I would not come to his prayer meetings after work. He actually went to the owner of the business and proposed it. He said that I was undermining his authority and damaging the morale of the other workers. I never did anything to hurt anyone there and I was one of the most dependable workers. In fact I went on to be manager at another store within a few months. Luckily, the business owner did not back the manager up in his little power scheme.

During this time, I thought me and this guy were friends. It was years later before I found out from the owner what the guy was up to.

Answer 6

My best friends for years were all Christian, mostly Southern Baptist. When they found out I was exploring other religious options, rather than being understanding and helpful they turned to scare tactics and said hateful things, like, "If you don't return to Christ I'm going to tell everyone what a slut you are", "Only Christians are allowed to talk to us, so you might as well shut up now", "If you don't come to church with me tomorrow I'll tell our boss that you hate them", and my all time favorite, the classic, "You are going to hell". I've since found new and less hateful friends, and am following my own spiritual path regardless of what others think about me. I was raised Christian and know very well that those "friends" were not acting in a Christian way at all- but it's people like that who make me relieved I left the church. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

Please don't misunderstand, I know that the majority of Christians are decent and accepting people- this is just one example of the hypocrisy that is possible among people of any faith.

Answer 7

Well, just on here alone I have been verbally abused by Christians.

One in particular emailed me because she couldn't fathom the idea of me not raising my child in a "christian" home. She told me I was a bad mother, I was going to hell, and my daughter was going to hell. I don't care personally if you talk about me, but don't bring my kids into your tyrade! She proceeded to call my child the anti-christ (did I mention she was 9 months old?) and she was evil for having such an evil mother. Told me that people like me didn't deserve to have children and families, and I'm the reason there is such hate and violence in the world.

I also got told by the community "welcome-wagon" that consisted of one old woman, that I am an evil person for not going to church and bringing my kid up in a church (my daughter was actually 6 months at the time, and in my arms). She proceeded to point her finger in my daughters face, and scream "Your mother is an evil-doer, and you will all go to hell". I then proceeded to all but literally KICK her out of my house.

Oh, I also got told that my uncle, who is gay, is the reason that there is disease in the world, and me not disowning him is causing more harm than good to the world.

I was told, when I was 13, that I was not a good "christian" (yes, I was a Christian for a few years growing up) because I didn't witness to my parents (Wiccan and Agnostic). This was said in front of my friends and the entire youth group (about 25 kids).

Those are the main ones I can think of off the top of my head. At least ones that had a lasting impact on my long-term memory.

However, I've also had run-ins with people of other religions, non-religions, etc.

All people are capable of abusing others.

Unfortunately, people sometimes take their religion too seriously, and use it as an excuse to spread hate and abuse towards others.

Answer 8

Well the biggest bad experience was when my first husband used the Bible and Christianity as a weapon against me. He made me feel like a second class citizen. He was a great big hypocritical Christian. I do not blame men or other Christians for this experience however.

Answer 9

I was fired from a job for not being Christian. (I'm Pagan) Have been harassed at varying amounts.

I don't consider what goes on here to a large amount abuse. I have seen people from all sides say things they wouldn't do face to face. Its only when they get extremely insulting that I get close to offended.

Answer 10

With all the anit-gay legislation that has been passed across the USA at every level of government and urged on by christians, the list would be very, very long.

School districts have pandered to christians by including creationism in schools. Public funds in my state are going to christian institutions (most recently $13 million to Cumberland University which discriminates against gays).

Need I go on?

Answer 11

Well, I could send you about 1400 emails Ive received from so called Christians on this site, condemning me and calling me all kinds of names - but you want to refrain from the obcenities, so I wont..... You'd be shocked.... Ill also refrain from telling you the millions off times Ive been alerted to the fact that I am going to burn for eternity...thats pretty abusive too.

So I will stick to the nice ones....

I was reading a book at my office (The God Delusion). I was on break, on my own time. A fellow atty came in and saw what I was reading and asked "Are you an Atheist?" I responded affirmitively. He responded "I sure do feel sorry for you. Boy are you gonna be sorry."

WTF kind of response is that?