My in-laws chose to leave town two hours before my son's 2nd birthday party to attend the funeral of her brothers wifes mother. They then came home later that night and did not attend the funeral the next day. My husband and I are both hurt and mad, we feel they could have went to the funeral instead of the visitation and attended our sons party. All of my family and friends think we are right to be hurt, but my in laws feel "they did the right thing" What do all of you think?
2006-12-12 08:01:08 · 4 answers · asked by raynesmomie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your in-laws are wrong. How important could the death have been if they didn't even bother with the funeral? They missed their own grandchild's 2nd birthday, the only time he will ever turn two. I would be hurt at the level of importance they place on being grandparents.
2006-12-12 08:21:36 · answer #1 · answered by Debra D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, they did the right thing. Older people have different priorities at this stage of their lives. They obviously felt that it was more important that they pay their last respects to the departed and to give their condolences to the family. I'm sure you realize that when you lose a loved one, you need all the emotional support, love and comfort that family and friends can provide you at this very difficult time.Your son is so little he won't even know who was his party .At his young age all he cares about is playing, eating cake and opening presents. I'm sure he didn't anyone because he's too young to know the difference unless you brought it to his attention and made a big deal out of it. I also think as parents, now is the time when you should start thinking about teaching your child that material things are not all that matters. Respecting and caring about other people is more important especially when it's family or friends. As for them staying home and not going to the funeral, those kind of events (wakes or visitations) are often very emotionally draining. You need to stop and think about this whole situation, aren't you being a little sensitive and overreacting? I think your feelings about your in laws attending the funeral services instead of your son's birthday party were a bit immature and you need to learn to be a little less judgmental and more considerate. Remember, our children learn by the examples we set.
2006-12-12 08:38:27 · answer #2 · answered by jesshispet 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know if they did the right thing, but they did a decent thing. Yes, they missed your son's 2nd birthday party, but did they not see him at all on his birthday? Did they give him a present? Maybe they felt that they were alright on that end because they didn't ignore his special day altogether. And don't forget, while he won't have a 2nd birthday ever again, he'll certainly have other birthdays and parties (God willing).
To go stand with her brother and his wife during this time of grief was a fine thing for them to do and certainly nothing for you to hold against them.
To answer your question, I've done the same sort of couple of times, my uncle passed away and I'd already planned a trip. The airlines wouldn't let me change my flight without severe penalties, so I went ahead and left. (Oh wait, I did attend his visitation!) My family threw a big party for my great-grandmother's 100th brithday, but the same night I was already scheduled to attend the rehearsal dinner and help decorate for a wedding I was in, I went to the rehearsal. Granted I met up with family members afterward, but I missed the celebration.
Some times you just have to do what you think is right, or at least the best you can.
2006-12-12 08:08:31 · answer #3 · answered by Survivors Ready? 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
duh.... funeral.... one-time thing....
birthday..... it'll happen again.
Get over yourself!
2006-12-12 08:10:25 · answer #4 · answered by The ReDesign Diva 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋