How can I be more assertive without being an ***?

Answer 1

ooh ooh i love ur question :). i have a friend who is kind of an overaggressive @$$ sometimes!

i realized that a lot of it has to do with Humility --> Humbleness. she has absolutely None. everything she rolls her eyes at, everything she thinks has absolutely no understanding, nor Consideration, for others. she expects all from others but nothing from herself.. in terms of *consideration*. she doesn't understand that people go thru things and makes them how they are, just as what she has gone thru made her how she is (bossy, rude, obnoxious). the worst thing is, she is the First to complain about someone who is rude, obnoxious, or judgemental! funny :).

my suggestion to u, regardless of what u do to be assertive, is to remember to stay Humble. You are not the only person in this world. u are not the only person who has gone thru so and so. u are not the only person to try to become more confident. etc etc. and so, u must *understand* that as fellow people, sometimes there are mistakes, accidents, people Better than u, people Worse than you. that's ok, and u should Respect that, not look down on others for not being similar to u.

being assertive, in my eyes, means confident in what you Want, Think, and Need. so you know what is Positive, Healthy, and Happy and u do what it takes to achieve those things in ur life, but making sure at the same time that u are not Disrespecting others. u treat others as u would like yourself to be treated; BUT u understand that it is possible that someone might want to be treated Differently than how u would want to be treated. example; let's say u don't care if people slap u on the back. so u slap others on the back.. but it's possible someone out there will not like that! u have to 1) understand, listen, and respect that person if they don't like it, and 2) u have to know that Slapping People is not a POSITIVE, Happy gesture in general. it is quite rude on it's own, even if u happen to like it. therefore, u must realize that when u slap people, it is rude..... just cuz some of ur friends may not mind, or u don't mind, doesn't mean u are not doing Rude Gestures.... i mean, that is why it may offend someone later on.

my friend has that problem.. she says her firends like it when she is PUSHY and rude, telling them what to do. but i told her, that doesn't excuse the fact that you are a Pushy and Rude Person then, esp cuz i don't like her bossing ME around! just cuz others let her do it doesn't mean i , or others, will.

moral of the story is, be observant always and Willing to Continously grow and become BETTER each day. learn from ur mistakes, and u will be an assertive, POSITIVE person. good luck~

Answer 2

Something I found interesting was when I started exercising. By nature I’m a skinny quiet guy. When I started bulking up people began to say to me you’ve become a very manly man, strong silent type, more assertive. It makes me laugh because I’m still the same guy, with an extra 30lb. They just associate assertiveness with my look. I do notice thou that your stature changes when you move and walk that may have contributed to the misconception. Or maybe I have become more assertive from the Gym…yeah right =P

Answer 3

I'm with just be ertive. Ha ha. Being an *** and being assertive are not the same thing. Stick to your guns just don't be rude to anyone. You can be firm and polite at the same time. It's a bit like rubbing your belly and patting your head at first but if you practice you will get the hang of it.

Answer 4

This can be a challenge. I took assertiveness training about 20 years ago. The counselor was trying to get us to stand up for ourselves without trampling on the feelings of others.

The idea is to stand up for yourself in a professional way- no name calling, no raised voice, etc.

You would need to state your case calmly and cooly and why-
This takes courage (especially for me).

Like Dear Abby and Anne Landers say "No one can take advantage of you without your permission."

So, if something feels wrong- say so. How would you want someone to talk to you about something? You wouldn't want to be shouted at or called names.

Also, when you are done and hopefully "won the day." Be sure to thank the person for his/her time and for his/her graciousness, etc. I like to acknowledge that someone was especially helpful to me. Praise in public, criticize in private.

I hope I gave you some ideas or encouragement at least.

Answer 5

Assertiveness does not mean aggressiveness. Being assertive means standing up for yourself by saying how you feel about something. Making "I.." statements instead of starting sentences with "You..." It's also about showing respect for other people's feelings.

Answer 6

When you are trying to be assertive with someone, don't speak in a joking tone, be firm in your response, but make sure that you aren't rude or give attitude when you speak. Just make sure to take care in how you say things, my dad always used to tell me to listen to what people are saying as opposed to how they say it...I always try to follow this advice, but I do know that it is hard for most people.

Answer 7

I think by just sticking to the facts of the matter and staying calm; not letting your emotions get involved and trying not to invoke emotions in other people. Don't be accusatory. Remember that your goal is to resolve the situation, not make someone feel bad or make them feel defensive. If they get defensive anyway, remind them that isn't your goal.

Answer 8

Always speak calm and professional. Know what your talking about. Knowledge is power.

Answer 9

Just smile while your doing it!

Answer 10

It's all the way you put things ,Ask don't tell and say thanks alot.