this isnt really a question but i really need cheering up and if people could type up their jokes or just random funny comments i would appreciate it. 10 points for the best answer :)
2006-12-12 07:23:32 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
There's nowt wrong with a bit of randomness now and then!!
Here's a couple for you..................
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, and then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign. Oh and only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Britain ... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain ... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in Britain ... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Britain ... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain ... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in Britain ... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.
NOT TO MENTION...
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of Control Scalextric cars.
and finally.........
In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.
IF YOUR'E PROUD TO BE BRITISH SEND THIS ON!!!!!!
Read in your best Irish accent!
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are dose?" asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"Well, what on god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW tinks of everyting!"
"If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance."
And finally.......
With fall upon us and the days getting shorter,
I thought you all would appreciate this superb, evocative,
masterfully penned ode to the coming winter season.
So grab a coffee, a comfortable chair, relax and scroll down to enjoy the
warm feelings and pleasure
that this wonderful poem will bring...
* " ODE TO WINTER "*
A poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre
" S**T It's Cold!"
The End
Sorry, I know they're not great, but they are random!! My Dad sent them to me, and he is the most random person you could ever meet!!xxxx
2006-12-12 13:24:30 · answer #1 · answered by stiflersmom29 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Mary had a little sheep
and with that sheep she went to sleep
mary had a little lamb
sorry im in such a random mood
2006-12-12 15:27:32 · answer #2 · answered by dragonswift91 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not that funny or anything but its kinda sweet. wot did baby corn say to mumy corn?
weres pop corn? lol?
heres somethin to keep ur mind going....wot hapens if 1 of the five sincronzed swimers drown?
2006-12-15 08:45:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Random comment:
Some people are like slinkies; not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
2006-12-12 15:27:50 · answer #4 · answered by boo's mom 6 · 11⤊ 0⤋
Sunday in church a man was talking about where he grew up and he said Azuza...and i turned to my sister and asked "is that in China?"....well we all pretty much know that Azuza is in California!!!..im not the brightest person!
2006-12-12 15:31:40 · answer #5 · answered by Krystina 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Never marry a dwarf with learning difficulties - it's not big and it's not clever.
2006-12-12 16:08:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
my grandma flipped me off when i tried to call her "ancestor" she didn't realize its a sign of respect.....
2006-12-12 15:35:05 · answer #7 · answered by just_another_rainy_day 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋