I have been with my boyfriend for about 2 months now. I love everything about him. He treats me with respect and is wonderful. The only problem is, I don't have much physical attraction to him. Our emotional connection is strong. Can that be enough to get past the problem?
2006-12-12 07:18:27 · 44 answers · asked by TTC Cycle#20 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am in my early 30's. Yes, we are involved in a sexual relationship and there are NO problems with that at all. He isn't ugly by any means. I guess he just isn't the "type" that I'm normally attracted to. I know that sounds terrible but I WANT to get past that so that we can have something wonderful. I've never been treated so well in my life and I don't want to lose him. But when I look at him, I don't get the "sparks" that you are supposed to have when you look at the one you care about!
2006-12-12 07:31:23 · update #1
Well, the perfect man for you is a total package. Everyone else that we date helps us refine our search. Only you can decide if it's enough - and you must consider his side too. If you are not physically attracted to him, but sex is very important to him, it will not likely work out.
Attraction can be hard. Is he not attractive at all, or just not to you? If he is overweight, you could exercise together which would make you both more attractive. Sometimes we resist attraction subconsiously because we are afraid to get hurt.
If you really want to try to make this work, you might try visualization and intention. See him in you mind and see him as attractive. Recall that feeling that you had when you were attracted to someon physically while you are imagining him. Try to mentally associate the two to increase your physical attraction for him. I mean if he fulfills you in every other area of your life, isn't that in itself attractive?
Peace!
Later...
No sparks... That can be a deal breaker for some - others feel that love grows as you learn about each other over years. If you have not been treated well by those of your "type" then you may be on the right track with this change.
I can tell you that I married at the age of 32 and there are not always sparks between me and my husband - but I want a deep, valuable, lasting commitment more than anything else. I want a solid foundation upon which we can build our lives together just the way we want them - and to have enough in common that we will likely want the same thing or at least compromise.
Sparks are fun, but they never really last - they come an go. I know lots of women who never loved their husband so much as when he changed a diaper. I am almost 40 now and I have gotten exactly what I wanted and you will too. Expect it, see it in your mind - and if it is sparks that you need for you to have it all, then find them. Make a list of all the traits you want and tell the universe that you won't play anymore until they produce this guy. It worked for me.
Peace!
2006-12-12 07:24:39 · answer #1 · answered by carole 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you not physically attracted to him? Has he gained weight? Has his look changed? Maybe you can give him some advice on how to dress or carry himself in a way that you feel is attractive.
The bottom line is with you. Not with him. That's all you need to know. He's not the reason you're not physically attracted to him. It's because you've become physically attracted to someone else. Be honest with yourself first, then be honest with him. Let him know that sex is a huge part of a relationship and it's not about him, but you are looking for something a little different than he is providing in that department.
2006-12-12 07:23:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the point of him being your boyfriend if you aren't attracted to him? Isn't he just a friend then? It sounds like to me that you've been hurt in the past and this guy has the character you're looking for. You will find someone that has both. Sometimes a personality can make you more attracted to someone but there still has to be that initial attraction. Good Luck.
2006-12-12 07:24:26 · answer #3 · answered by taz4x4512 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's not enough. I'd break it off now. The longer you wait the more it's going to hurt (you and him) Keep him as a really good friend because in the future when your heart is broken and you're crying over the really hot boyfriend (that you're totally attracted to) because he cheats on you and treats you like crap you might think about getting back together with the less attractive ex-boyfriend. : ) Good Luck
2006-12-12 07:38:17 · answer #4 · answered by cweetepye 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think in a relationship you need all the points like Good Communication, emotional connection, and sexual attraction. Thats just my opinion. I've been in a relationship like that and went ended up 2 years into it I had to find sex somewhere else....and its like I couldn't help it because I actually felt that attraction to someone...(something I hadnt felt in 2 years) I would say maybe you two would be better as friends?
2006-12-12 07:22:09 · answer #5 · answered by Just here. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is very imporant to have a physical attraction to the man your with. If you've only been together two months and have no physical attration to him it may be hard to continue on. Although, if you have had problems in the past with physical attraction it may be a hormone difficiancy, 1 in every 4 woman have a lack of sexual desire. If he treats you well and isnt bothered by the lack of attractiom stay with it a little longer
2006-12-12 07:22:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly...
I do not think it should matter if you are attracted to him physically or not.. I mean, you love him for whom he is.. not for what he is on the outside..
but you know.. I cannot criticize you because... every person in this world sort of goes for the looks one way or another.. it is human nature to seek out beauty..
i believe that, if you let that thought get to your head.. and you start to think... "I'm not attracted to him at all..."... you are going to end up hurting him...
think about it... what if you find someone that you are physically attracted too...
know you will be asking this question.. "I'm physically attracted to my boyfriend, but i'm not attracted to him emotionally..." blah blah blah... it makes no difference...
don't you think?...
just do not worry... it is the inside that counts.. maybe you are just looking for someone that has looks.. maybe not.. it is difficult.. but all I can tell you.. is to give it time..
just like the french version of "The beauty and the beast"...
Belle gets used to the beast's uglyness... but she discovers his inner beauty...
now i'm not saying that he's going to turn into prince charming.. oh no no no... that is a fairy tale... but the moral about it... is that.. with time.. looks will not matter to you..
just wait a little longer.. and he is not the person that you are looking for... then try going for the looks.. and see how that turns out.. but then again... you would not want to lose your current b/f would you?.. lol.. think about it...
and yes.. I do believe it is enough to get past the problem... and it is not a problem!!!
get that straight!! it is just something I call... an imperfection...
a problem is something that you can solve.. but his uglyness or unattractiveness cannot be solve... so call it an imperfection... lol.. take care!!
2006-12-12 07:28:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Move on. Your not in love, honey. If you are in love with someone, you are physically attracted. My husband of 8 years has gotten fat and sloppy. I know that but I love him so much that I am still very attracted to him physically. True love sees past the physical.
2006-12-12 07:25:33 · answer #8 · answered by BooBoo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think physical attraction and trust are the pillars of any long lasting relationship.If you don't feel hot for him, pretty soon what you do find attractive now will fade and the only thing you are left with are all those thing you don't like about him. end it now before it turns into some thing really ugly.
2006-12-12 07:31:16 · answer #9 · answered by dionne h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say you should look past the physical part of him. If you really care about him bad hair and a little guy won't matter. In time you'll find him attractive.
2006-12-12 07:22:13 · answer #10 · answered by Lexy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋