What's the best way to discipline a teen?

Question

I am a single mom of 2 children. My son is 13, (14 this month), and my neice is 3. My son is an all around good kid but as of late, he seems to be defiant and almost, I think testing me. The problem here is this is new behavior. Having no experience and no good examples to fall back on.... I haven't a clue how to deal with him.... not like I can go to his father! What is the most effective way to get thru to him without corporal punishment? We already tried talking repeatedly.....

Answer 1

Well I am a teenager myself and what I think is that since talking is not working you should try taking things he love away making him come home after and not going anywhere, no allowence or maybe he is just acting the way he do because he has no father figure around.

Answer 2

I have four sons. My youngest just turned 18 yrs. yesterday. I have been through what you have described as defiant and testing. Each one of my sons showed signs of change around the age 14. It is important how this transition time is handled. I found that I needed to pick my battles...limit to what is really important. And when issues need to be addressed do it in love. Always speak softly but firmly and let him know each time that you are setting guidelines for one reason - because you love him. I never used corporal punishment on any of my boys and I always receive compliments from people expressing how much they love and enjoy my guys. When issues arise remember that you are the adult. Sometimes you will need to use self control for the moment in order to address the issue at the proper time...a time when your guidance will be more effective and have greater impact. As parents we need to practice patience making sure of our words and sometimes using very little words. Make sure each word speaks life. Pay attention to the good, positive things he does and acknowledge those things more often and compliment him in front of others. Give him something to live up to...he will rise to the expectations. Hang in there. Things will turn out fine. I think all boys go through this period whether a father is involved or not...it won't last too long. Feel free to email me if you would like.

Answer 3

Take away his favorite things one at a time.... or shut them all down at once. If this doesn't work I would have a strong male family member talk to him. If there are still no changes, maybe a dose of reality by inviting a police officer over! If he is just testing you, be strong. Let him know you love him but his defiant behavior will not stand. I saw pictures of a Mom whose son stole something and she made him stand out by the street with a sign saying what he had done. I bet if there were more Mom's like that we'd have less crime in this world! (Or alot of motherless children!)

Answer 4

Well my kids are only 2 and 3 but I can tell you what my parents did. They gave me freedom with boundries. I am not sure exactly what problems you are having with your son.

I could go any where I wanted, as long as I was passing school with a min of 3.0-
When I went to those places I had to leave a phone number, adress, and time I was going to be back, if plans changed I had to call- If I did not call or was not where I said I was going, I had to stay home.
luckily weed is legal in alaska so I had a "fort" in the back yard where friends could come over and hang out, at a safe place, and smoke. ya know, no older, worse influences (do not smoke anymore, got that out of the system at 16)
Also taking things away worked for me- no friends, no smoke (would be confinscated if any rules were broken- worked well for a motivator) no tv, no stereo (that was a killer!) no books- depending on what I did depended on the thing being taken away.

Oh and talking back rudely was not allowed. I could answer back, but no yelling, no rude remarks, ya know, had to show respect.

Answer 5

try this cause i know it worked for my mom if he was to get in trouble with the cops he would have to work it off so try voliter work or stuff around the house and dont let him have a life till he gets it done also monye take a jar and when he is good put a dollor or more in when he is bad take it out he get it when it is full plus u can always take things away just remember to talk to him like an adlut and tell him u will treat him like one when he acts like one ok and hang in there it will get better remember how u felt at that age

Answer 6

I have 14 year old boy/ girl twins. My Dad got me this book:
Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind by Michael J. Bradley and Jay N. Giedd (Paperback - Feb 25, 2003)
I thought it was great.

Answer 7

I think taking away things that might matter to him may get his attention. After all, you're obligated to provide him with shelter and sustenence, but not expensive shoes or toys. Also increased restrictions on his freedom, until he learns to behave like a responsible adult.

Adult freedoms must be earned by being responsible enough to handle them. They are not a right while he is a minor.

Answer 8

Welcome to puberty.

I would minimize the talking - he's old enough to know what's right and wrong at this point and your absolutely right in that he's testing you to see what he can get away with. Set down the rules with appropriate consequences and enforce them. Period.

Answer 9

State your dominance,
Don't send him to his room, there are to many things to occupy his time. My parents grounded me to the bathroom. Boring, I had a toilet, and water. they would call me out for meals, and then at bedtime I would go to my room.



If anything take a page from Mrs. Cartman, call the Dog whisperer.

Answer 10

use a spoon and beat them? I think we all have the same problem, (Im kidding about the spoon you'll just waste your time with that one) just try your best. they will grow to be good people.