my daughter will be 3 years old in Jan and has never been in daycare what do i do?

Question

i want to put in child in daycare but she has NEVER stayed with anyone other then myself, her grandmother and my grandmother, i want to put her in daycare before she has to go to pre-k so she is not in shock, how do i get her to go and stay with out crying the whole time she is there? ( when i work out at the YMCA she wont stay in the nursey there not even for an 1 hour while i am working out), need suggestions on what to do, what to tell her, what she can take with her to clam her down?)

Answer 1

This is a situation that many parents face...I, too was in the same predicament a few years back. Seeing as how every child is unique and will react differently, a trial/error phase is necessary. I, myself, tried a variance of approaches with my child who happened to be the same age as yours. Originally, I just tried it the "normal" way. Just going in hopes of making it an easy transition from the jump. Boy was I shocked and somewhat embarrassed at the reaction and fit my 3 yr. old caused. So, we had to try another idea. I arrived at the preschool app. 2 hours earl in order to allow myself a sufficient amount of time to "hang out" and try to make my son feel as comfortable as possible in these new surroundings and all the new faces. After @ an hour he became a little more at ease and actually ventured further than 12 inches from my lap! ( lol ) After this small victory I felt brave enough to sneak my way toward the door-no sooner than I placed my hand on the knob, to my horror my son looked me directly in the eyes and let out an earth shattering scream! So, thus began our 3rd phase of the "Preschool tryouts". After consulting with friends and family we devised what we felt would be a surefire scheme. I got down on my son's level and hust reall spoke to him in a way that a 3 yr old can understand. We made a deal and I allowed him to choose 1 of my personal effects that I use on a daily basis that he was very aware of. I explained to him that preschool would be like his own "job" and I needed him to take care of my item andf that I would be there to retrieve them both shortly. Ok, so it backfired the first time. But let me tell you that persistance pays off. I just kept stand on a firm ground and remained consistant in my words and actions. This along with other family members helping with the duty by taking turns eventually we conquered the feat together! My advice is to be strong and consistant, and to keep a smile through it all! Sometimes I think experiences similar to these are harder on the parent's than the child! We survived and have never looked back!

Answer 2

You are feeling anxious about this and she is picking up on your anxiety and feeling it herself. If you do your best to stop feeling anxious she will stop too.

Have you considered putting her in preschool instead? Preschools have a very different “feel” than daycares. Teachers are usually trained in a teaching philosophy (Montessori, High Scope, Waldorf) and better prepared to deal with anxious children.

First of all, if you haven’t already picked out a daycare, make a list of a few that you want to observe. I would go and observe each program for about an hour and watch without your daughter so you can get a good observation. Ask yourself some questions. "Are the children happy? Do the teachers seem happy? Are the children respectful? Does the teacher have good classroom management skills? Do the children "run a muck" or are they calm? Is the classroom clean and orderly?" Once you do this you will get a feel for the program and know if it is the right one for you.

I would ask how long the teachers have been there. Good programs keep their teachers. I would also ask about the teacher’s education. Ask the teacher some hypothetical questions and see how she responds. "What would you do if a child bit another child? What would you do if a child broke something on purpose?" See if her responses match your ideas. Make sure that the teachers are trained in CPR. Find out about their sick policy. Go with your gut!

Once your find a school (if you already haven’t), take a day and go visit the school with your daughter. Tell her you're just there to watch what she does. Make sure you take some time to talk with her teacher to show that you are "friends" with her and that you like her. It often helps when a child knows that mom has a connection with the school.

Take your child to her new daycare several times before she starts. Drive by and say “That’s going to be your new daycare!” Let your child play on the playground to get familiar with it.

If you can, slowly transition her into the program. For example, stay with her the first day for no more than an hour then leave together. Find a toy or activity that she can use when she returns by herself the following day. Have her stay about ½ hour the second day by herself, 45 minutes the third day, and 1 hour the next. Don’t carry her in. Instead, hold her hand and let her walk in. It will be much easier for her to let go if she isn’t in your arms. Make it a quick good-bye. The longer the good-bye the more anxious she will feel. By this time she should be used to transitioning.

Give her something to look forward to when she sees you next. You can leave her with something you need the next time she sees you or give her an idea of what you will do with her when you see her next. Many children enjoy having a picture of their family that they can keep in their backpack or cubby.

Try and set up some play dates and carpools for your daughter when she starts the new program. It will greatly help her ease into the new daycare.

Make a quick exit when you drop her off. Give a hug and kiss and say "goodbye". Your child will be more anxious if it is a prolonged goodbye. Do your best not to feel anxious. If you are feeling anxious, she will pick up on it and it will be much more difficult for her to transition. Know that she is in good hands, and she will be fine.

It will take a little time, but your daughter will soon get used to the change and begin to enjoy new daycare. Hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 3

It may take a little time for your daughter to adjust she has been with you everyday of her life and it will take sometime to get used to all the confusion. Maybe insteed of leaving her at the ymca for a short time you can leave her there a half day so that she gets used to the environment. Leaving her there an hr or two im sure she isn't getting out and getting a shance to play because she is so upset. I know these things because I am a daycare provider myself. Everything is just so overwelming to her and she needs to get used to it. Give it a few weeks maybe bringing her to daycare with something she loves is a good idea something comforting like a teddy bear or a blanket. I had a child when she first started daycare had to have her sippy cup everyay and if she didn't have it she would give her mother a real hard time

Answer 4

Great question.

Daughter so far is only used to a few people and needs to get used to other kids and adults to get ready for daycare. Get her involved in play groups during the day, through your YMCA or government rec centres. You';ll have to be with her all the time initially, but the more you take her, you can leave for 5 minutes and come back. When she's used to that try 10 minutes and come back. Keep increasing your time away. She'll get used to it but it'll take some patience and time. A few weeks before daycare time, drop her off for an hour and come back. Do this a couple of days and then try 2 hours. work up to a half day and then for the full day.

Answer 5

I work in a daycare and have for six years now. Socializing your child is a great idea. It helps build her trust with you. She will realize mommy comes back. It may take her a while but she will be fine. Before you think about placing her you need to tour as many centers as you can. Meet the teachers in the room where she would be in. If you get any bad feelings about the center DO NOT enroll her there. When you have picked one you like tell the center you would like to bring her in to visit a time or two before her first day. I suggest going while they are doing key lesson such as art and calendar time. Talk very highly of school to her really pump it up and get her excited to go. One the first day stay with her for about 15-20 mins. Then leave. She will cry and be upset, but the best thing to do is just leave. you can call the center to check on her as much as you like after you are gone. i would only do a part time spot as well mornings or afternoons two or three days a week. She will mostlyl likely cry for a few weeks but after awhile it's mostly for you. After 10-15 mins they are usally fine. I hope this helps!

Answer 6

Begin by taking her to a daycare/preschool for a couple hours a day. For the first day, stay most of the time she is there, the second day leave about 30 minutes earlier than the day before and so on. Once she makes friends (whom she will see daily) she will be okay at school on her own.
Good Luck

Answer 7

Daycares are used to children who have problems adjusting. She will be fine. Let the daycare know that she has never stayed at one before. My dd was the same way and now she is fine, even though she still cries when I drop her off. The first day, she may cry all day, but she will get over it and start having fun.

Answer 8

I'd try leaving her with different people in her own home for short periods of time first. People she knows, people she's just met, a new sitter or visting relative.. work your way up to smoeone she doesnt know.

and only leave her for short periods of time. First, dont leave the house, just let her interact with someone else. Then leave just long enough to shower, or be in another room for 10-20 minuets. next, leave the house for half an hour tops, and come right back.

You need people are are versed in bating and switching, she needs you to tell her what you're going to do, how long you will be gone, kiss her and leave. Dont repeat. Dont do it again... nothing like that, even if she chases after you screaming and crying, dont turn back. That only proves to her that her loss is as real as she thinks it is, and her fear at being separate is well founded, when its not. She will gain confidence everytime you return.

Then the person watching her cmoes in with all the bells and whistles and fun bright activities to get her attention on something else. maybe an art project, or a messy play thing like finger painting, something hands on and exciting. As soon as you leave, that way she doesnt have time to get into a crying fit.

Then just keep working her up to more and more time without you.

Then you can start leaving her at houses other than hers, in the same way. Little by little.

Then preschool wont be so much of a shock.

Also, preschool is different from the nursery at the gym or church or places like that. Theyre trained and prepared for children who are attached at the hip to their moms. They're pretty good at getting the child out of their shell and teaching them the confidence they need to interact with others.

This approach is easier on both of you than just up and leaving her one day at day care (although she would survive that just as well, kids are amazingly adaptive). The biggest thing you can do to help her is to talk to her about how grown up she is, and how amazing preschool is, and how much fun she will have as a big girl is preschool, and then to not give in and coddle her separatino anxiety. You have to teach her confidence, and then let it grow in her.

She'll be fine. Its rough, and unpleasant, and you're sure to feel like a complete jerk while you're getting her through this transition, but it really is for her best interest, so she can grow and florish like she needs to.

Answer 9

Put her in headstart. I don't know if you have that where you live but it is a good program, and has been a good way for my cousin to get used to the classroom invironment and being with other kids.

Your child will eventually get used to it. If the daycare has field trips and fun after daycare activities she will like it even more.

I put my cousin in a religious daycare. I like it a lot. They accept families who aren't religious. They are able to do things like christmas songs, pray, sing about God. She is old enough for her body to be used to the germs, so I would say go for it.

Answer 10

When you leave her don't feed in to her emotions, she will notice that you are nervous and concerned and it will make her anxious, just make it seem like this is what has to happen, stay positive and reasure her that you will always come back to get her. She is not being abandoned She will cry for a while but you have to stay positive and reasuring . She will get to like her independence you'll see. As long as you look happy and are consistant in letting her know that this is going to happen and its a good thing she will soon get the idea that it Could Be fun!! and it will be. GoodLuck