My girlfriend sleeps with kids when they are here, THEY ARE 13girl and 12 boy?

Question

When we lived in a 1 bed room apartment, I was kicked out of bed and slept on the sofa while the 13 year old girl and 12 year old boy get the bed with their mom. I put up with it for over a year.

Now we have a 3 bedroom house, each room has a bed, But she continues to sleep with them and then come back to our bed when ever she wakes up in the middle of the night.( some time 12:00 am sometimes never )

I really don't think it is just me that thinks it is strange to sleep with your 2 teen kids when they come on the weekends.

Am i wrong for starting fights saying she needs to sleep in bed with her spouse and show them that we are a "United front" per say.

what effect could this have on the kids. I know the12yr boy is scared of his own shadow after watching a scary movie. He wont even walk into the kitchen when the light is on and I'm in the living room. He yells for his sis or mom to go with him.
Am i a bad person for feeling so strong about her sleeping with them and not me

Answer 1

Very worng especially the boy. I hope you are willing to get professionals involved here. The kids a suffering mentally and their entire relationship future is at stake. Get some help...you'll need it.

Answer 2

I used to stay at my boyfriends house because I was friends with his sister but there were strict rules (although, I'm sure we broke them many times between the ages of 15-16). It wasn't until I was 17 I was allowed boys in my room let alone to sleep over. I didn't have a boy sleep over while my parents knew about it until I moved out at 19! The logic is trust. Parents think if they give the children the freedom they require they're more likely to have a good relationship with them. While I agree to an extent, the children need to be mature and well-educated before the freedom is granted.

Answer 3

How mature are these children? Some kids don't mature as fast as others so it is unfair to say there is some misconduct because they are too old. This seems to be a hot topic. However I have to side with those of you who have more compassion and understanding for the children. Remember we are talking about children who only get to see their momma on the week end. So, it has to be hard for them. Did you ever ask them how they feel? Do you make yourself apart of their lives? Did you discuss this with your girlfriend in a way that was not defensive? Maybe you do need outside counseling but in the meantime I wouldn't make a big deal of it. They will grow up and this will all be a distant memory. But will it be of one of unity and comfort or will it be of one of trauma and pain. Which is probably what they all ready have enough of. And, do you plan on being there when they are older? There is much to consider here.

Answer 4

You aren't a bad person because of that. I agree with you. It is strange for her to sleep with a 12 year old boy and a 13 year old girl. I could see her sleeping with them if they were like toddlers at the most or babies but they aren't They are teens. That's just odd. Try talking to her about it. And if the kids are afraid to sleep on their own then the both of you guys should talk to them and maybe for a few nights after stay in their rooms with them read a book witht hem or something until they fall alseep then leave and you two sleep together.

Answer 5

My children are only 7 and 9, but they sleep with me. I think there is nothing wrong with children sleeping with their parents. Even teens. Teenagers need just as much love and support as younger children. And I'm sure your wife wants to spend as much time with them as possible while they are with her. It is hard for a mother to be separated from her children. And in many cultures, children sleeping with their parent (s) is quite natural. As you are not their father, I would not advise you to sleep with them, but unless you have proof that something is seriously wrong, then don't fight with your wife about it.

I do think that she needs to put a stop to the scary movies when they are with her. She probably can't do anything about it when they are with their full time guardian.

The most important thing is for you to not put a mother in a predictament where she has to choose between a man and her children. Children should always come first.

One more thing. If she has been sexually abused or if either of the kids have been sexually abused, or even if she knows someone very close to her who has had that happen to them, she may be uncomfortable letting them be in a room by themselves at night with a man in the house. She may consciously or subconsciously worry that when she goes to sleep, you (God forbid) may creep out of bed and go in their room and molest them. You may say I would NEVER do that, and she may say she knows you would never do that, but fathers, stepfathers, uncles etc, all over the world are doing just that. People who you should be able to trust unconditionally, are destroying the lives of children everyday. Strangers rarely molest children. Family and friends molest children. It's better to be safe than sorry. Children can't protect themselves. They depend on their guardian to protect them and to intercede on their behalf.

Whatever her reason or motivation, be patient, compassionate, and understanding. Marriage isn't easy, but love and prayer can solve a lot of problems. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 6

Don't be so jealous and insecure! You say she only gets to see her children on the weekends? That would be torture for me to only get to see me kids on the weekends! How can you be so callous? Those children have been through enough. How can you even hint that there might be some perversion to it? Shame on you. She just misses them. It is normal in other cultures for this type of behavior. But you want to say this so you can get people on your side and show her what a terrible mother she is, when all she wants to do is cherish every second she may have with them before they have to leave Sunday night and then she'll miss every small achievement, smile, cute face, A+ from school, whatever. You fill in the blank. Frankly, when my husband left me my three children slept in my bed. They were going through a hard time and needed comforting. It doesn't even matter all these years later, they don't sleep with me anymore but they still need comforting. And I will nap with my daughter if she needs me to. Have you no compassion for those children? Why do you think the boy is frightened? Do you try to help him? Or do you ridicule him and make him think he is wrong? Own up, be a man. And be a man who cares. Give it a rest.

Answer 7

I don't think your a bad person, I can completely agree with you that spouse's should share their bed. But as a mother, I can also see how your wife feels. Those are her babies and if she only sees them on the weekend, then I can see why she wants to spend every minute she can with them. You have her every night of the week, so let her stay with her kids on the weekends. I don't see any harm in it. Enjoy having all that room in the bed to just spread out in. I would sure like that sometimes, my husband is a huge bed hog.Lol. Good Luck.

Answer 8

Congrats. You may get my only serious response of the day.

I felt the same way with my girlfriend sleeping with my 6 & 7 yr old boys. But after some self-exploration I learned that part of my issue with it was that I was sexually abused as a child. I think people that have experiences like that sometimes misjudge the morality of others in otherwise normal situations. Not to suggest that you had a similar experience, but something prolly spurs the irritability in you. amybe have a good look at yourself and if you think its valid, put your foot down...gently. They are your kids afterall.

Answer 9

Interesting story.
We still shouldn't be judgmental for you.
What does mom say??? we don't know!!
I might understand more If you described some trauma like the hurricanes or something like that. But you didn't.
And then, Why do you let her sleep in with them, after you know the three are zonked out. Wake her to join you.
You might want to stick the kids in summer camp for a week.
Peer pressure has a way of working better than parents some times.
Problem solved.

Answer 10

That is very strange and in some states considered against the law. Perhaps you should talk to the childrens father about what is going on, he has more power over the children and can put his foot down.

If the boy is getting scared by watching scary movies then the mother should not allow him to watch them after dark and if that still does not work perhaps she should not let him watch scary movies anymore until he is more mature and can understand that they are just movies and not real.

Answer 11

No, your not a bad person for thinking that, I wouldn't start fights, but I do think that is weird. Children should absolutely be out of the parent's bed by age 5. After that it is just strange. Especially as teenagers, at that age where sex begins to preoccupy the mind and boys begin having wet dreams, who would want Mom next to them when that begins to happen?