My boyfriend done his best to get me pregnant and then when I did he said "now that we know we can have children have an abortion" Obviously we have split up and I have decided it is best to go to family mediation if he want to see the child (he won't be paying toward the child he is too tight and has never offered any care towards me) He wants to be fully involved and thinks Im being unreasonable. He wants to come round to my house and turn up for parent evening (even though it is a private school and my family will be paying) He is just a chav, would should I do? I know big mistake getting involved at least I didnt marry him as he has nothing to offer me or the child except his selfish behaviour. He refuses to have supervised access and insists I put my baby in a pram into a taxi to his house (he has moved and won't tell me his address, but he will tell the taxi driver where to go) No way Im I doing that! He is 34 years old.
2006-12-12 04:54:32 · 8 answers · asked by oceanwaves 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
My ex is just about to see his baby at the center.
First you need to go to a solicitor.
Then you must cut all ties with him.
No calls -no asking him for money.
The solicitor will do the rest.
The center has volunteers on every door, the toilets are left ajar,
He will hate it.
He will probably only get an hour every fortnight.
Get tough honey.
It's the best revenge.
2006-12-12 04:57:30 · answer #1 · answered by Elle J Morgan 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First, be warned that any response must be subject to the big caution that one cannot know the full details from what you can put on the internet.
You have put lots of negatives. Let's start with the positive. At least the father is taking an interest in the child.
Also, as a bloke I wonder whether he is feeling excluded by you. Perhaps he sees you and your family as in effect buying care of the child, whilst excluding him because you (and I don't say you are wrong) refuse to marry him and let him be a proper father to his child. Not having wanted the child beforehand does not mean that he does not want to love the child now. What would any decent father feel at being described as a chav by his child's mother, even if it is true? Hurt.
In short, it is not acceptable for you to deny the father his parental role simply because he lacks money, rather than because of his behaviour. That includes an interest in the child's education.
Having written the previous paragraph, of course if you are the main carer for the baby you will not be prepared for it to be taken to an unknown address. On the face of it, it is quite reasonable for you to require supervised access.
The terms of the father (and your) access to, and care of, the child will obviously have to be the subject of a court order or similar agreement (I do not know the legal requirements) and obviously both of you should abide with this. Not least, it is for the court to judge what the father can afford to pay for the child, and of course he should pay what the court says. Remember howerver, that court orders for absent parents can often seem, and probably be, unreasonable particularly if the father has another child to provide for.
If your family can afford a private school, presumably they can afford advice from a solicitor specialising in family law, and that is what you need. Less formal mediation is also likely to be a good idea.
Finally, whatever the law, your child will in the long term at least want to know where its father is. Too many adults have a sense of loss about not knowing about their parents. And this, apart from your child's safety, is a reason why you sould be sensible to wanto to keep track of where the father lives.
Best wishes and good luck.
2006-12-12 05:33:40 · answer #2 · answered by Philosophical Fred 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know that your child needs to figure out for themselves what kind of father they have got, and as they grow up all will be revealed without any bitter words from Mum. The money is not important by the sound of it so leave that between him and his conscience. If he is not on the Birth Certificate (post 2003) he does not have any automatic rights- if he wants Parental Responsibility then he will need to see a solicitor. He cannot force you to put your child in a taxi! Family mediation is an excellent idea- despite what he thinks- and may help him to realise what responsible parenting is about. If he proves capable of being a decent father over time, then you can review things. Your child is far too precious to be taking any kind of risks with.
2006-12-12 05:04:10 · answer #3 · answered by annie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is so sad that I almost laughed. What a jerk this guy is! First of all, he HAS to pay financial support for his child. You can take him to court and they will force him to pay. Secondly, you cannot put a child in a taxi and send him off to his father. No way. It's not safe and you'd be charged with a crime for doing that. I'd get a court order that he can only have supervised visitations since he suggested such a thing and it's so unsafe. It shows he has poor judgment in caring for children and shouldn't be left alone with the child. You need a good lawyer. If your parents can afford to send the child to private school, they can afford to get you a good lawyer, too. You need that the most. Mediation isn't so good. The mediator might decide he can have unsupervised visits. I'd get a lawyer and fight him.
2006-12-12 05:00:34 · answer #4 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He is a total pratt, and both you and your baby are better off without him.Put him in a taxi and tell the driver to go over beachy head.
2006-12-12 05:03:42 · answer #5 · answered by David S 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You need a solicitor. Fast. This jerk does have rights, but it all has to be done legally. Then you cannot be accused of doing anything underhand. You need to be whiter than white - and he has to be made to give financial support.
2006-12-12 05:12:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WAY TOO MANY RED FLAGS!!!! I KNOW YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T, BUT PLEASE NEVER GIVE HIM UNSUPERVISED VISITS. IT SOUNDS LIKE HE IS GOING TO RUN OFF WITH THE BABY!!!! TELL THE SCHOOL HE IS NOT ALOUD AROUND YOUR CHILD AND TO CALL YOU IF HE SHOWS UP TO TRY AND TAKE THE BABY. ALSO DON'T TELL HIM WHEN THE SCHOOL FUNCTIONS ARE SO HE WON'T COME. YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!!!
2006-12-12 05:02:14 · answer #7 · answered by purpledragonflyjrh 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would get the court involved...
2006-12-12 04:58:19 · answer #8 · answered by mrs. ruspee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋