I need good advice please?

Question

was with this girl for 3 years im 20 now we lived togather and everything. We had jelousy problems with each other. I started to take her for granted and not realize what i had. We been broken up 2 and half months now we have contact still and met up a few times she tells me that she cant deal with my jealousy and that if i ever want anything to happen again that i need to be her friend and show her that we can get along she says that she liked me before why not again. i miss her so much i dont know how to get her back what is the way to go. Should i just not talk to her and if she comes back she does or should i put effort into and take my chances what you think my chances are??

Answer 1

I think 20 is WAY too young to have been in any serious relationship, much less one for 3 years. You both need to learn, grow, and experience life on your own, outside of each other. You will change dramatically over the next bunch of years and you may not change in the same directions.

If you were meant to be together, it will work out naturally but not anytime soon. That's not a bad reflection on either of you. You just won't always want the same things you want now, and that includes in a partner.

Keep your options open, meet and make lots of friends, and commit to yourself and your own life for now.

Answer 2

First, your a young relationship, and that is hard. I met mine when i was 21, and stayed together for 4.5 years, but when we met, I was young and did have the jealous thing in my head. After a couple of years, her behavior had changed, and we had talked about it alot, my jealousy, and I am a better man for it now. What caused the jealousy? She was always on the phone with guys, and that hurt, when these are guys you don't know, from work, etc. I didn't want to hurt our relationship, so female friends I had, were gone once I wanted to commit to this woman. What I learned from all this was, the jealousy was not all my fault, and when I didn't trust her anymore, it was over, and i SHOULD have walked away. I stayed around, trying to fix, and patch, for 3 more years, and was even engaged to this woman I didn't trust. I think, getting older, and more confident, that your a good guy, and you can find something else, should you try, would allow some of the jealousy to go away. Now, I don't get jealous, and i don't pour my heart and soul into the relationship either, until I feel this person is worth the pain, of involvement -- but that has yet to happen since we split, but wow, having a no trust, jealousy torn relationship is really hard on your head and heart, and can really take you many ways. Please keep your head up, and understand your young, and that in a few years, with work, your jealousy will subdue, but that will take a partner who has that character as well. Jealousy is not a one sided issue, but rather is born when someone feels trust is being tossed around like a cheap football.

Answer 3

HEY FELLA~ i think your chances are GREAT if you relax, take it easy & become her friend!! you really cant be in an relationship with a stranger & the best & strongest relationship/bond are those maintained by true "friends", know that you love & value her as well as repect her & if all of this is accurate then u dont actually have a dilliema~ it seems to me that yes she really wants to be with you, so put forth the effort its gonna take to get ya' lady back!!! its already in the making but you've gotta show her & in more ways than 1, that you are on the right track & you are gonna stay there!!! good luck & best wishes...

Answer 4

What do you mean, you don't know how to get her back again, she told you straight out, NO jealous BS, be her friend, show her that you can get along. Good luck, that jealousy crap is a hard thing to break, it messes up a lot of relationships, tell her that you'll seek help, maybe read a book about it.

Answer 5

well to be honest if i were her i wouln't take you back.. if it didn't work out the first time it won't work out the 2nd!
so for me to judge your chances are well impossible! i'm not her!
trust Communication!!!! and passion will make the realationship work!
your communicated your thoughts and feelings to the wrong person here! if you love her like you say you do then talk to her ask her what your chancs are!
ARe you willing to change and not be jelous or show that your jelous? will you keep that mind set or will it be thrown back up in her face in 3 months, 1 year or 5 years down the road!
do you think it is worth being involved with someone who wants you to change? if so will you honestly make the changes with in yoursefl!
do you LOVE her or are you use to her!
are you afraid to try dating someone else?
are you scared to be alone?
are you afraid of rejection?

Don't answer me the questions i don't know nore do i want to sorry! but these qusestions are for YOU and once you can honestly answer these to yourself you will have your answer to your question that you didn't ask!


Best of luck!
be happy with self and all will fall into place!

Answer 6

I don't have any idea what your chances are - because I don't know this girl or what she might do. I do know that she told you "that if you ever want anything to happy again that you need to be her friend and show her that you can get along." If you really want her back - do what she says and see what happens.

Answer 7

Friendship is the key thign in building a strong relationship....you need to try and understand her and talk about things instead of getting jelous over them. She'll do things behind your back if she realise that you would get jealous if it's done for you to see...so develop a stong friendship bond with her and the relationship will work out from there

Answer 8

If you really love her you will continue to fight for her. You will work on yourself to change to become a better person and not so jealous. I know sometimes I fight jealousy really bad and it just wrecks relationships. I am not saying you have to be the only one to change for it to work out either. She needs to work on herself too. You are both really young still and have not experienced alot on life. But if you really love each other you will work on your selves and be open with each other and have a very good communication in order to keep the relationship strong. Good Luck

Answer 9

i say if you want it go for it, no one ever got anything done buy sitting around right? take steps to fully trust her, dont let jelousy get in the way of anything as long as shes coming back to you and is with you and doesnt cheat on you then why worry about things right?

Answer 10

It sounds like you need to work on yourself more. There's alot of people your age who don't have the best self esteem, so its not unusual, but your relationship with her will NEVER change until you do. So my advice is to keep yourself busy, go to school, hang out with friends, work out, take your mom to lunch, whatever, just do stuff to keep your mind off of her. People don't feel good about themselves just because, they do b/c they have a reason to! I don't think you have given yourself enough reasons to feel like you are a total catch or you wouldn't be getting jealous. I know b/c I used to be super jealous and insecure, I am still working on it, its an everyday thing but my life and my relationships have improved 500%.