Need advice for my relationship please?

Question

I have been with this man for 5 years and we have a daughter who will be 2 in February. We own a home together as well. I was checking our phone bill the other day and noticed that he was talking to his ex-girlfriend. I confronted him about it and he said that nothing was going on. He said that he was just telling her that he was doing really good now. He says that he has not seen her. I do believe him on that account he does not have time to see anyone else with work and home. I am still hurt and do not want him talking to his ex (we have had issues with her in the past). He says he will not do it anymore if it hurts me. What should I do? Should I trust him to talk with her if he says that he is just being friends or should I tell him not to talk to her. Or should I just break it off completely. Thank you for your advice

Answer 1

She really has no business knowing how well he is doing. It sounds like you already took the right steps. If he talks to her again it's obviously not just to let her know how he's doing and he'll have violated his pact with you not to call her any more. Maybe you should have him call her one last time while you sit by and have him inform her of the plan not to communicate any more as well. Get your husband to pick a side. You are not at all being unreasonable asking him to cut off communications in my opinion. It'd be different only if they had kids in my opinion.

Answer 2

My question is... what lead you to taking the time to look at the phone records in such detail that you found out he talked to his ex???

My second question is... did he talk to her once? Or did he talk to her 5 times in a week? There's a huge difference. If he only talked to her once.. yea.... maybe he was just saying to her "I'm really happy where I'm at now"...
if he talks to her regularly... then you have cause for concern.

What should you do? I guess it just depends on what happens next. I mean, if he keeps talking to her...then yea... you should probably leave him. It does however sound like he respects your request of "not talking to her".
If you've been with him for 5 years, and he hasn't done something else.. then he definitely deserves a chance here....

Lastly... It sounds to me like you're an insecure woman. Obviously I don't know that for sure...but something about your question leads me to believe you are. You should be honest with yourself and if you are insecure...get some help. Insecurity can kill a good relationship.

Answer 3

If you can't talk about problems between the 2 of you, then you have problems, but you 2 are communicating and that's the most important thing. Give him a chance to prove himself. You should not be so jealous of her. After all, you have him, she doesn't. Look at all that you do have with him. From what you have said it outweighs the bad things greatly. Calm down and ride it out. Don't be so willing to throw away 5 years for one phone call.

Answer 4

I guess the only thing I can say really about the whole relationship deal is that people have lost the ability to be genuine with each other and so you can never know when someone is telling you the truth. You have to be the one who decides where you draw the line, you have to be willing to stick to what you say, you have to be willing to lose someone who isn't what you want after all. Ladies need to realize that they do not need a man, they want a man and there is such a big difference. There are men who will treat women right but they are hard to find. I had to wait half of my life to find one. Just don't compromise what you won't deal with for a man, regardless of anything.

Answer 5

You've done the most important thing and that is communicating. Unless he has a history of lying to you, there should be no reason to automatically distrust him. Give him the benefit of the doubt, but if he gets busted doing it again, now you have a trust issue. If you are not married and you own a home together, you might want to consider the ramifications if you split up.

Answer 6

Of course you are feeling insecure about his chit chatting with his ex girlfriend. Here you are giving, giving,and giving, having a child out of wedlock, shacking up with him, all without him ever really making a commitment. He can walk out the door in a minute. He likes the fact he is not really locked down legally in your relationship. You can tell him no more contact, but in the end he can do as he pleases. So tell him and see how much pull you really have. He probably doesn't really respect you very much since up to now you have done everything his way.

Answer 7

do no let the past ruin your life with your partner, you have a home and a child and he told you the reason for the call and said he will stop this. Make sure you follow up on what he said and be honest about your feelings, otherwise you loose honesty and it's all downhill from there,
If you have other issues in your relationship with him. and usually we all have those, no relationship is ever perfect, address them one at a time. He should cut all ties with his ex, and find some other, preferably male friends, to talk with. There is no reason to keep in touch with her, she should move on and leave you two alone.
good luck,
Irene

Answer 8

i would try to trust him but watch the phone bill real close if he says he wont do it anymore try to believe him. Why dont you call the ex girlfriend and just tell her to leave your husband alone and quit trying to cause problems in your relationship. change your phone number so she wont have it and if you still see it come up on your phone bill after all that then it is your husband and you probably need to end it but you can always tell him you gave him a second chance and he blue it

Answer 9

now wait you should look at who he live with who he wakes up with in the morning and who have that beautiful girl with if he talks to is ex i will bother u it will bother any women who really love there man instead of questioning him raise another topic ask him something else like how was Ur day? u already question him leave it as is see his reaction towards your feeling and a month after ask him so how she doing be a women she if he's still talking to her don't tell him not to talk to her

Answer 10

One thing that I have found out from men from my own experience is if you do not show that you are jealous, that you have so much confidence in yourself that you basically are saying to him with your body language and words. Hey it's OK honey, if you would like to speak with your old girlfriend go ahead. Act confident, secure with yourself, like you are healthy and you can handle this. Trust me, this man will wonder what is going on with you that he won't want to speak to this other person. Especially if you have never reacted like that before, he will be itching his head. I am speaking from my own experience. my Ex would constantly play games with me regarding other women, when I acted jealous and flew into a jealous rage, he was happy he got the reaction from me that he wanted. soon as that stopped so did the game playing. You just need to learn how to handle them.

Good luck
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