Can I feel better about my boyfriends drug use in this lifetime?

Question

My boyfriend of 4 years (and daughters father) started using heroin 2 months ago. He hadn't done any for 1 out of 2 of these months, but went back to using recently. He went into SWFAS (a detox) and should be getting out later this afternoon. Do I have a chance of getting his old self back? I feel with the power of god on my side I do, but then wonder if I am being ignorant. I know this drug is the hardest to quit, even more so than smoking ciggarettes! I don't want to give up on him, I feel he is my soul mate. Please HELP me.

Answer 1

As a former user I can tell you that yes there is a chance of getting his former self back,but there is a very looooooooooooong road ahead.There are no shortcuts and no miracle cures. He has to be the one who does this for not only himself but for his kid(s).I strongly recommend a good counsler for the both of you and NA meetings for him. There are meetings for families of addicts also. These are great support systems and this is very very important I wish you both well and will keep you in my prayers

Answer 2

I am sorry that you're having such a terrible time. Yes, there is a chance of getting his old self back and it is a good sign that he is working with a detox program. I have seen the best results from people who stick with a continuing care program. Encourage him to stay with it. If he continues to use, then you will have to set a boundary between you and him. Just let him know how much you can tolerate and then follow through with what you decide. If it ever came to that, he probably would realize that the drug is taking the most important things in life from him. He may have to hit rock bottom before he finally comes to his senses. Don't give up on him, but don't tolerate more than you want to. Good luck to you and him too! Take care of your daughter through all of this.

Answer 3

You may never get him back completely. He will always have that craving. Whether he can suppress it is anyone's guess. It sounds like you have God on your side. The trick is to convince him that he has God in his corner too. He has to want to stay straight. If he only started using a couple of months ago, perhaps his addiction isn't that strong yet. But it will be very difficult. If he can't fight the drug urges off, you had best leave him for your daughter's sake. She deserves better than a junkie for a dad. And you deserve better for a man, too.

Answer 4

My first question to you is this..did he seek treatment on his own? That is, did he go to detox on his own accord or was he forced into it by a judge, family, etc. He has to want to be clean. I will assume for the moment that he did go on his own free will. In that case he is at least trying to straighten out. Heroin is one of the hardest habits to kick and I'm sure by now he realizes how hard it is to get off of it. He will need to STAY CLEAR of people he associates with who do or sell the drug. The big problem with people when they get off of a drug is that MISERY LOVES COMPANY! Watch out for so called "friends" who will try and get him back into it again. Kicking a habit like heroin is so hard because not only are you giving up the drug, your giving up a lifestyle that comes with it. People get used to their lifestyle, no matter how bad and self destructive it is and it becomes like a security blanket to them. It becomes very hard for them to leave it all behind and start fresh. But this is what he'll need to do. Good luck and God Bless You and your family. PS. I know you love this man but do me a favour, NEVER compromise your daughters well being in order to keep this man in your life. Your kids have to come first. Your daughter will have already been through a lot having dad away because of this problem. She should not be made to suffer because of his heroin problem. If your boyfriend does not stay clean the best thing for you to do is tell him he's gotta go until he gets clean. Children do not understand the insanity that surrounds drug addiction. They can only react to it. It can REALLY screw a kid up when they have one or more parents with drug issues. They can grow to have many problems with self esteem etc if they are subjected to the cruelty of a drug using parent. I'd really watch this situation closely. Support your hubby in his efforts to stay clean but the second he negatively affects your child, all bets are off. Stay strong. Merry Christmas!

Answer 5

Unfortunately, no matter how much YOU want him to be ok, the only way is if HE wants him to be ok. It sucks and I know that you wish that if you want it enough that it will just happen. I went through dealing with my ex's alcoholizim for 7 years and no matter what happened, now matter how I got hurt by him (and he knew how much he was hurting me and our children) there was nothing I could do or say to get him to stop. It sounds mean but I finally had to realize that it was his problem and I couldn't fix it. He had to. It's the same with your bf. He has to want to stop. He has to do the hard work. He has to make the commitment and if he doesn't then that's his choice and he will have to live with the results of that choice. I do encourage you to pray to God that He touches your bf and helps him. But again, God isn't going to do it FOR him. He will point him in the right direction and He will be right there by his side if your bf chooses to take that path. I hope I don't sound discouraging, I am really trying not to. I just want to really express the fact that when our boyfriends or husbands have these addiction problems that we can be there for them, we can support them, we can do whatever we can to help them but we cannot do it for them. Please be sure that you are there to support and help him but learn the difference between helping and enabling. Try to go to a support group for people who are dealing with this and they can be of great help to you. I wish you the best, stay strong and may God bless you and yours.

Answer 6

Yes, I hear it is a hard drug to quit, but as you know, God can transform people. If you feel his is your soul mate and you love him, then have faith that this worked.

You do not need to completely trust him yet. Watch for signs of drug use, but encourage him while watching out.

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 7

Only you can answer this question. You know him better than anyone on here and you have to answer this question yourself. Do you want to stand by him? Is he worth all the time and effort that you will have to put into this? Do you love him enough? It will be hard but do you want to do this? Only you know the answer to this question. It is a hard question to answer. Does he want to stop the drugs? Does he want to stop for you and your daughter? Talk to him and find out what he wants to do. Then find out what YOU want to do. Decide what you think is best for you and YOUR daughter. She is the biggest part of this and your decision will effect her the most. But you and only you can decide what to do. The power of prayer is strong and I hope you make the right decision. I wish you the best of luck and I know you will make the right decision. Good luck!

Answer 8

If he went to detox because HE wanted to quit, then you have a chance. If he went to keep his relationship with you and your child, or other family members, you probably have a long road ahead.

Answer 9

I agree with the first poster.If he went in on his accord..Then there is a chance!
He needs to stay away from old friends and old hangouts.There is NOTHING you can do to make him "WANT SOBRIETY".I would suggest you try some alanon meetings and hopefully he goes to some na meetings.The day he gets out..
He has to want this..You cant love him into it..If he slips-it's not your fault!
Best of luck to you and your family..

Answer 10

Run for you life...even if he went to rehab, he is not going to be the same. His brain chemistry will have changed. You don't need to raise your kids with him doing something disgusting like this.

Even in the court of law...you can tell the judge that he is on drugs and you can have a life without him. and keep your children to yourself. run.....