She does not want to go?????????????

Question

My younger cousin is 6 years old and was living with my parents but they can no longer take care of her because they say they are loosing energy for child raising.Me i am 24 years old and a recent college graduate who just got a job in NYC recently and am living in manhattan on the west side.I will be getting money that will cover almost everything she could need and she has been signed up to start at a new school in January the school has an afterschool program to 5:30 which is good because i work 9:00-5:00.Problem is she does not want to leave home and go to a new school?

I dont want her to start throwing fits when she moves in this weekend?any suggestions?

No one else is willing to take her at the moment because her mom was a bit of a family exile because she became drug addict(cocaine) and her mom gave birth to her while on drugs so she is looked at as a problem child.

Answer 1

I don;t blame her :( Its not you or the school the poor child is leaving her home and the people who raised her. She will get used to it after a while but you sound like you are going to have your hands full ! Insta mommy of a 6 yr old. Good luck !!

Answer 2

its typical for a child not wanting to leave home, and go to a place that's far away from home. but have this child ever met you before, have you two ever talk well before this incident. if not this could be another reason. don't try to spoil her to get her to like you especially if she is already consider a "problem child" this would make her just run all over you. Treat her like your cousin not like she is actually your child. this may sound strange but try it, you wouldn't treat anybody in your family badly. She is only six which means she probably only in the first or second grade let her express her self the way she want but let her know who is in authority by taking away certain privileges you might run into a problem with the after school actives if she doesn't already want to be at the school i doubt if she would like to stay longer then she have too let her know if she doesn't like the school after a month or so she can change school but if all Else fails you can always ask your parents for advice they are the ones who raised her so far right?

Answer 3

I don't blame her for being upset. No offense but if I were here age I wouldn't have wanted to go live with someone that's not my parents. It's really unfair to put the child through that, but if she has no option than just try to make the transition as smooth as possible. Let her know that everything will be ok and that she can visit with her parents. Maybe make a schedule to visit with her parents so she doesn't feel so abndoned. Try to make her room as close to her old one in color and decoration. Maybe spend some quality time with her before the move. FInd out what her favorite movies and games are and have them ready at her new place. Also know her favorite foods. It's going to be a heck of a ride in the begining but if you try your best she should come around.

Answer 4

A six-year-old doesn't have a choice because she is a minor. Whoever is legal custodian of that child needs to take care of the child. As callous as this is, you have your life to consider at this point, and having a child in it is a lot harder than you think. As an adult cousin, you can go home. If she is in your care, if she gets sick, you have to stay home because she can't go to school or daycare ill.

Considering you're just starting your career, this would be a bad choice and you would cut your future off at the knees. No late nights, no shows, no clubbing. Your life would be focused for 12 years on a child who is probably going to have serious rejection problems.

Where is your aunt/uncle that s/he cannot take care of his/her own child? Perhaps if your parents can't handle her, it's time for someone on the other side of the family to give it a try.

Your heart is big and loving and giving -- when you are ready to be a parent with a spouse, I am sure you will be extraordinary. Right now, however, you need to have your chance at life. Don't do it.

Answer 5

She is old enough to get involved in her new school experience. Take her shopping for a new school bag & clothes. Get your picture taken together so she can keep it with her at school. Get grandma and grandpa to promise to call her right after you pick her up to hear about her day. Ask the principal or counselors office to recommend some playmates you can meet up with before school starts so she has some friends she knows from school. Meet her teacher, see her classroom.
Get her involved in decorating her new room at your place, let her pick out her decorations, bed clothes, posters, lamp etc.. make the new place hers. Tell her all the neat places you can go in your city and follow through. It must be very tough on her to be displaced. She is young enough to adapt but it will be hard in the beginning. Let her school and teacher know the circumstances so if she does act out they will understand and keep an open line of communication with you so you can make sure consequences are not to far removed from the act. She is having to endure stresses that adults have trouble dealing with so treat her like a older child and explain the changes and why they are importantl. Most of all don't blame her for the changes and her grandparents inability to care for her, tell her you have a lot more energy to have fun with her and her grandparents will still be there any time she needs them. It wouldnt hurt to involve her pediatrician in the changes. He/she can recommend some community help for "adoptees" and make sure she is handling the big move emotionally like you hope.
Remember to be patient. All children will act up in the midst of change but really they need to have limits and disipline they can rely on and most of all a level headed role model. Count to 10 before letting off steam and remember she has only been on this earth 6 years and its been a rollercoaster of a life so far. She will love you for your sacrifice and your life will be so enriched by her successes! Good Luck!!

Answer 6

Hi I work as a counsellor and a life coach. Kids need boundaries to feel loved if they are pampered they have no boundaries and feel unloved. This is why spoiled children misbahave. Your younger cousin may need boundaries which you can agree with her and include her going to school. Also agree consequences with her not punishments i.e. 'What do you(your cousin)think I(you)should do if you start having tantrums?' Agree these rules with her and stick to them do not bend or waver on agreed outcomes.Mike Fitz

Answer 7

Lots of Prayers. She will adjust. Kids usually do well. Just assure her that you will both visit your parents often, let her bring some things from "home" picture albums, maybe a blanket, or doll of your parents. Something familiar to help her cope. It will be an adjustment, but I am sure both of you will be just fine. Good Luck

Answer 8

It has to be rought for her to have to go through all of this at a young age. When she looks back, she will see it wasn't, but you just have to give her time and show her love and let her know or try to convince her how much fun she'll have, new place, friends etc..

Answer 9

Try to get things to make her comfortable. A new toy or a new movie. You dont want to spoil her though.
She will adjust. Try to spend time with her to.

Answer 10

well she will have to go at one point or another so maybe if u sit down wiht her like "a big girl" and have a "big girl conversation" wiht her she can tell u whats going on and maybe somehow u can convince her to go. but by makeing her feel responsible she will act more responsible!