I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 and half years. He recently got offered a great job on the other side of the country and wants me to go with him. I asked him of our future about getting married and he says that he is never getting married. We are only 23 years old so is it that he is young and immature, not ready, being stupid? But should i leave my friends, job, and family for this man?
2006-12-12 02:41:39 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sounds to me like he's committed just fine. 5 1/2 years is a long relationship. I know it's not marriage.... but...
Have you ever talked to him about why he doesn't want to marry? Are his parents divorced?
It sounds to me like he's got a bad view of marriage... something happened in his past that gives him the idea that marriage isn't the best for him. It doesn't mean he's not committed, it just means he doesn't need a piece of paper, shared taxes, mixed credit scores, etc. to be in love with you.
Here's really what it comes down too... Is the idea of marriage so important to you, that you'd end a 5 year relationship because of it?
As far as your last comment is concerned.. If you look at this as "I'm leaving my friends, my job, and my family for this man" you're setting yourself up to resent him. Why do that? Why not just figure out in your heart, if you could be happy in this new other place. To be fair, you'd find a new job, you'd make new friends.. and your family will love and support you regardless. Friends and family visit, talk via the internet.
It's a tough situation, but it sounds to me like the door was half closed to the idea of it when you asked the question.. open up your mind, and your heart.. although he may not "marry you"... he may however love you for the rest of your life. Which, is more important?
2006-12-12 02:52:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would say hell no, but it's easier to give advice when you've never been in the situtation. I've been with commitment-phobes before, and I've always chalked it up to immaturity. You ARE young, and it sounds like he is probably your first true love, so it is a difficult decision to make. I would not ABANDON anyone for a man. I would take a look at what your life would be like if you were to move with him. Would you be happy at a different job, making new friends, and not seeing your family as often? Rarely do people that say that they are never getting married mean it--so I wouldn't take that to heart. The most important thing is your own happiness. Once you figure out if you would be happy moving, then the decision will be less difficult.
2006-12-12 02:48:42 · answer #2 · answered by cna_77381 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, he is asking a lot and not giving much back. In fact, he said he is NEVER getting married??
I think the bottom line is do YOU want to get married? If you do, and he says he will never, then I think you will eventually become dissatisfied with the relationship, no matter where you two are, and even more so if you give up everything for him. If you are happy with a more relaxed relationship forever, and dont think you will end up resenting him, go for it. Realistically, the worst that will happen is you end up moving back home a little wiser, and best case scenario it might bring you two closer and make him realize that he does want to spend the rest of his life with you after all.
2006-12-12 02:48:40 · answer #3 · answered by DazeyChain 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Jilary, not without a rock on your hand.
Trust me, I made a similar mistake and am now living with it and I have a coworker going through the same thing.
Get a true commitment first. If not, keep your support system. If you must leave, then make sure it's something that you want to do for yourself and that it's not solely for him.
Good luck!
2006-12-12 03:11:32 · answer #4 · answered by Tempest 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not unless you are looking forward to being alone in the near future in a place where you don't know anyone....if this guy wanted a long term relationship with you, he would have no problem committing.
I think if it were me....and it is probably one of the hardest things to do...I would move on. I think when he meets someone else who turns his head he will be moving on too.
God Bless!
2006-12-12 03:25:03 · answer #5 · answered by Buff 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't. If you've been together that long and he still doesn't want to commit to potentially getting married and says that he's never getting married, why waste your time and energy on him.
Find yourself someone who thinks that marriage might be in the cards then you can go from there.
2006-12-12 02:45:44 · answer #6 · answered by parsonsel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He does not want to be a responsible man. Tell him goodbye and wish him the best. Do you want to have children someday? Do you want to be married when you have children? Don't up and leave your family and friends. You will end up back home and wish you had not made that mistake. He is taking advantage of you.
2006-12-12 02:45:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really think that you should not leave across country with a guy won't committ to you. Think about it your going to be all alone with just him.... is it really going to be worth leaving your family, friends, and job for a man who won't committ to you. You need to seriously think about this. If maybe he would like marriage later then you should go. If he's telling you that he never ever wants to get married and you do, then you should move on. Theres plenty of fish in the sea. Follow what your mind says but also think with your heart....good luck to you...
2006-12-12 02:49:04 · answer #8 · answered by BuNNY 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I wouldn't. Aren't your family, friends and job very important to you?
If so, why would you want to give all of that up, for someone who had dated you for 5.5 years, and says he never wants to get married. He could easily be telling you the truth, that he never wants to marry.
If marriage is one of your goals in life, I would tell him to move without you, and be sure to tell him that one of your goals in life is to find someone in life who is not afraid to commit to you.
HAH, let him fly off to that other part of the country.
Honestly, though, I only see heartache for you, with him. I say to leave his A-S-S!!!!!
Best of luck to you!
2006-12-12 02:46:47 · answer #9 · answered by peekie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. But then again like experts says girls are stupid and they don't have common sense to think. That's why you are asking this question online to complete strangers, you should rather ask this question to your close friends and family. But honest answer is no. Why you want to quit ur job, leave ur family and friends for one guy who won't commit?
2006-12-12 02:44:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋