I need help with my 5 year old that is completely unruly.?

Question

She's now decided the word "no" doesn't exist, bedtime is a time for a million and one tantrums, constantly interrupts people, even after being told its not polite. I've been battling her attitude problems since she was 2, and figured she'd grow out of it, but she hasn't. It takes at least 2 1/2 hours after bed time for her to finally stop coming out of her room and go to sleep. She's found a way around every rule that has ever been set, and has now started screaming at us when she doesn't get her own way (about everything!). I'm at my wits end with her, and could use some solid advice on how to better handle her. I don't want her childhood to be bad memories of mom and dad yelling and punishing her all the time.

She's now decided the word "no" doesn't exist, bedtime is a time for a million and one tantrums, constantly interrupts people, even after being told its not polite. I've been battling her attitude problems since she was 2, and figured she'd grow out of it, but she hasn't. It takes at least 2 1/2 hours after bed time for her to finally stop coming out of her room and go to sleep. She's found a way around every rule that has ever been set, and has now started screaming at us when she doesn't get her own way (about everything!). I'm at my wits end with her, and could use some solid advice on how to better handle her. I don't want her childhood to be bad memories of mom and dad yelling and punishing her all the time.

AND...in addition to all those details, especially for those of you with the firm *** whoopin policy, I've tried that. she was getting spankins every day for a week before i realized, it didn't work.taking things away, spanking, talking, reasoning, punishing, doesn't work.

AND...in addition to all those details, especially for those of you with the firm *** whoopin policy, I've tried that. she was getting spankins every day for a week before i realized, it didn't work.taking things away, spanking, talking, reasoning, punishing, doesn't work.

we've had her checked out by doctors. i've been through the ADHD conversation. she's normal as far as her pediatrician is concerned. Sure, she's smart. She's quite intelligent. Smart enough to now convince her 2 year old brother how to follow in her monsterous foot prints.

Answer 1

I have a 5-year-old boy and an 11-year-old girl. About two years ago my little boy was just off-the-wall, horrible, run-the-house kind of child, and my girl wasn't much better with her yelling all day and fighting with her brother. There was LOTS of yelling in the house. I never wanted to use spankings because I was brought up with very harsh spankings and didn't want my children to be afraid of me, like I grew up afraid of my parents.

So I'm not going to tell you to spank! Sparing the rod does NOT spoil the child, and we are a very devout Modest Christian Homeschooling family.

First of all, don't yell. Children tend to learn to ignore the yelling. Kneel down to your child's level and speak to them authoritatively, but calmly. We use a Marble System. Each marble is worth a dime, and they start with 10 marbles a day. Throughout the day if the child is bad, make a big deal out of taking away a marble. If the child does something really good, give them an extra marble. This includes bedtime, each time she gets out of bed take away a marble. Then when she wakes, have her count the marbles and give her the money equivalent. Children love money and this has helped my children tremendously. My 11-year-old is the most wonderfully sweet and helpful child, I VERY rarely have to speak to her about behavior, she usually gets the full $1.00 per day on top of her chore money. My 5-year-old is a little more on the wild side, but does his chores and behaves because he doesn't want to lose any marbles, he usually gets 7-9 marbles per day, which is a HUGE improvement over where our family was when we started this. I wouldn't say they are model children, but pretty darn close to it. It might take a few days, give it a week and you should see at least a little improvement.

Answer 2

What kind of spankings are you talking about? I only ask because they always work in our family if used correctly, and as a last resort. However some people consider a spanking just a single swat or two. I have 3 girls (ages 3, 7, and 10) When we have to do the spanking, pants and panties come down, they go over the lap, and we spank their bottoms for a good long while. A child who receives a proper spanking should be crying hard afterwords. For the behaviors you have explained, we look them in the eye, put our hand up and use our fingers to count to 3. All my daughters know that if I reach 3 (which is very,very,very rare) they get a spanking. Needless to say, the threat of spanking is enough to end most bad behavior, so we don't spank very often.

If you haven't used spanking as I described, give it a try. It's the old fashioned way of doing things and it does work

Best of luck to you

Answer 3

You don't have to yell, but you MUST put your foot down. She is your child, not the other way around. If she interrupts people, make a 'no talking' rule for 5, 10, etc. minutes. Do this consistently and without regrets or else she will learn that she can get away with whatever she wants with Mom and Dad.

Sometimes punishment is necessary. My own parents have done it, and it worked, and I truly love them more for it. Some of the things they did for me were to disallow me from spending the night at friends' houses, taking away small amounts of money ($1-$3 usually), and having no TV/phone/computer privileges.

Also, you could try sending her to her room. Let her stew and scream in there until she calms down and can come out. Tell her, "___, I love you, but you are being rude and it is time for you to think about why you are acting this way. Right now you need to go to your room. I really want you to be here to keep me company, but you have to settle down first. When you can do that, come back out and let me know, ok? Remember, I love you." Or you can try any variation of that. Make sure she feels loved, though, and if she says things like, "You don't love me or you wouldn't put me in my room!", quietly say, "No, dearest, it is BECAUSE I love you that I am doing this." Trust me, she will thank you for it later. I am sure that you love her, and she will have a MUCH better life if she learns loving discipline early on.

Smiles,

~TRS

Answer 4

I have the same problem with my child. I don't have all the answers but if its that bad, get a second opinion from a different doctor. is she in school? If so, talk to the school councelor. We have a posted set of rules for my son and if he follows the rules he gets a sticker on his calendar and he earns an allowence for that day. At the end of the week he gets his money and he gets to spend it. If he misbehaves, he loses one of his toys. Right now it is video games. We change the rewards and consequences as needed but he is cosistently reminded of the rules.

Answer 5

well you have to let her know who is in charge, when my son was going through that phase, i quickly broke him out of it, he knows not to throw tantrums, screaming at us is a no-no! and whatever we say goes. There is nothing wrong with spanking her. My son is 6 now, and we've only had to spank him about 4 times at the most, but he knows, when i say something, i mean it, all i have to do is look at him, and its not that he is scared, he knows what is acceptable behavior and what is not. Now i go by this color system: you get a poster, clothes pin. and a box (decorate it and call it a treasure box). divide the poster up with 6 horizontal spaces and in each space name it as follows: Great Green (being the greatest behavior), Yippy Yellow, O.K. Orange, Watch-out White, Boo-Hoo Blue, Rotten Red (being the worse behavior) with a clothes pin also and you can decorate this chart and pin so that it will get her attention and everyday, start her out on Yippy Yellow and if she slips into one of those moods, move it down, or if she gets better move it up. If she stays in Yellow or makes it to Green, let her pick out a reward in the treasure box, she'll like being rewarded for good behavior.

Answer 6

What you wrote up there i had not read where you took her to the doctors?
Are you sure this is just a discipline problem and not a mental problem. ADHD is a real mental problem. Girls get this though males get it even more.
Go get her checked out. This kid could be extremely intelligent and is frustrated and board. Thus acting out.
This condition does not have to be controlled with harsh drugs, though just by going and getting diagnosed then you may find tricks or techniques to help your child control herself.
ADHD may not be what your little girl has. Maybe just a lack of discipline. However it to me does not seam like this at all.
Good luck and go get this girl checked out by the doctor....

Answer 7

at that age they try to test everything you have taught them, I have a 6 year old and she has started with the smart mouth, I spanked her little butt, but they all go through phases she is trying to insert her independence, try this, tell her you are not talking or doing anything else ever again because she doesn't respect your rules, she will probably say something smart but play it off for a while and when she calls you ignore her then if she keeps on yelling for you tell her again that I am not your mother today because you don't want to listen to me. after a while she will apologize. it sounds silly but it works. Good luck I know they can be little devils all day long but when they are asleep aren't they just like angels? then you feel guilty for yelling at them enjoy the moment because morning comes fast and they are little devils again.

Answer 8

I do have to say your son may have symptoms of Hyperactivity and AD DHD. For boys they get more rough and everything that goes in their eyes is very fact paced and exciting. To note I was diagnosed early on with hyperactivity. Now some kids are just active and playful and being boys show normal rowdy behavior. But your son may be more overly hyperactive. I can actually see a lot of similarities i had with him. Only that i was more prone to accidents because i kept running around like crazy and wont sit still. I also was NOT diagnosed with Attention Deficit at that time being it was not something that was recognized early on in the educational field by my teachers and that affected how I acted and my grades since I loose the ability to focus. Also I knew at age five that I cant read as fast than others. I have a stutter problem when I was younger too. But it was more a psychological effect of me being nervous than something i was born with But again I will rule out ADD being you can see that more on his grades, and less ability to focus. My opinion would be he has not fully adjusted yet to the whole sibling issue. As kids in front of adults we will be nice but behind our backs they will show resentment and misbehavior on things they wont like. For 4 years he was the only one, so naturally a bit of jealousy will happen. And yes for boys, they are more physical in showing jealousy. Unfortunately I am loss on how to advise u on new techniques to have him understand that having a baby sister is a good thing. Super nanny shows can help you on that. Stern discipline can be a good way. Calmly but sternly explain and place him in your shoes for him to understand that he can love 2 things eqaly. Say Simulate him into that scenario with an item or two that he should be able to care off the same way you care for him and his sibling. His behavior in school may be triggered with both a mix of jealousy and hyperactivity. being 5, the concept of love and botherly responsibilty is still too young for him to grasp. It will take time, and there will be conflict

Answer 9

Exactly what everybody else says, she needs a nice, 5 year old sized butt whuppin'. Not in anger, but in love.

Start with, "Sarah, you are going to bed now, and if you don't go quietly there will be a spanking." As soon as she goes into her tantrum, spank her butt a couple of firm whacks.

Apply as necessary, unless you really want a five year old ruling your house.

Answer 10

My guess is that you have failed to establish who is the boss and that there are consequences for bad behavior.

I too have a very strong willed 5 year old. He seems to do much better when there are a clear set of rules. Of course, he will push things up to the very edge, but understands if he crosses the (clearly defined) line there *will* be consequences (generally in the form of loosing a privilege).