is wanting a baby at the age of 18 years old wrong?

Question

i realy wont a baby but my bf doesnt wont 1,were both 18 and he still at school and at college.would it be abd idear to have a baby now.

i realy wont 1 now.

my bf at school still and hes mum a single parents and im not working.

it will also be ages before me and my bf settle down hes going to be at unerverty for 4 years

Answer 1

if your parner wanted one too then brill, go for it, but not such a good idea if he doesnt. you have years ahead of you for parenting, so theres no rush hunni.

Answer 2

It's not wrong at all. I was broody from the age of 14! It's natural to want to have children as that is what we're here to do!

However, it IS a bad idea to go getting pregnant now. You are young and have a lot of living to do yet, and by the sounds of it, so does your boyfriend. It is good that he is going to go to university as that will mean he will get a better job and be able to support you both.

You need to get a job and raise some money - start a savings account. If the two of you are serious you could plan to get engaged in a year or two.

I hate to say it, but also at your age you may think you've found the one, when really you haven't. When I was 18 I thought I would stay with my bf forever, but he dumped me before we both went to uni. I'm so glad he did because it took a few years and some mingers, but now I've met my Mr Wonderful and we are having a baby in July (unplanned - we meant to get married first!).

However, if things are the real deal with you and your bf then you should be able to talk about this together and make some sort of commitment and plans for the future. Maybe you could start trying when he's finished uni?

Above all else if he's going to be away for a while then it's not the best situation - you need a lot of support. My bf was working in Scotland for the first month of my pregnancy (I live, work and study in London) and it was very tough, but as soon as he could he came down to be with me and support me.

The more you delay things and get some money and jobs sorted, the better chances in life you give your child. I am lucky that my boyfriend successfully runs his own company and we will hopefully be able to provide things like private education for our children as well as all sorts of extra curricular activities, we wouldn't have been able to do that 7 years ago if we'd known each other when I was 18! Also there's a thing called delayed gratification - the longer you wait for something you want the more you appreciate it.

I waited 11 years to get pregnant, went to uni, have a job, met Mr Right, and whilst I always wanted it more than anything, I realised that if I went ahead and got pregnant sooner than that I would screw up everything else I'd ever wanted and worked hard for and that would affect my baby's quality of life. So out of love for your future child and its future, my advice is to just wait a little bit longer.

Answer 3

This is going to sound really harsh. But please believe that what I'm going to say is for your own good.

Your boyfriend does not want a baby. So what do you plan to do? Come off the pill without telling him and get pregnant that way? If you did that, you would be the worst kind of cheating b*tch.

Second, you are obviously not a very bright girl. Your English is very poor indeed. You say your boyfriend is going to university. In my experience a boy intelligent enough to do that is very quickly going to find a new girlfriend who is his intellectual equal.

He will find a new girl and he will ditch you.

So that leaves you with no education, no money, nowhere to live except your mum's, unable to have a social life, unlikely to find a new boyfriend easily (they don't like other guys' kids, you know) and no prospects whatsoever.

Have you any idea what's involved in looking after a baby? Do you know you sometimes have to get up 6 or 7 or 8 times a night when they cry? Do you know that it's a lifetime's commitment? Are you really prepared NEVER to go out for a night with your friends for the next few years? Are you prepared ALWAYS to put someone else's needs above your own, no matter how bad you feel, even if you're ill?

I don't think you've thought any of this through. You just feel unhappy and restless and think a baby will solve your problems. WELL, IT WON'T. It'll just make them worse.

PLEASE don't do anything stupid. I guarantee you will regret it.

Answer 4

hi hun i know how you feel i felt the same,i think you should wait a few more years i waited till i was twenty and i'm glad i did.I don't wanna sound like an A'l women giving you a lecture but ithink you should enjoy yourself a bit first,get a career behind you,go on a couple of holidays,out clubbin all that kind of stuff and let you bf go to uni,once you have a baby you can't just drop every think i think if i'd of had my son at 18 without doin the things i wanted to do i probably would have regreted it,but now i'v done all that stuff i'm happy to stay in all the time,looking after him 24/7 gettin up at 6.30am to a grumpy 3yr old wantin brekkie if you get me?having a baby is not somthin to be taken lighlty its hard work,I love my son to death and wouldn't change him for the world as i'm sure you will yours when the times right but i think you should wait. GOOD LUCK x

Answer 5

Well me and my bf wanted a baby when i was 18 and i fell pregnant and had my son when i was only 19 and although i love him to pieces i do wish i`d waited a few years,had a decent job,maybe got married and bought a house etc.

So now i`m 24 and feel as though i`m now just starting out and studying to get myself a career.So i`d strongly advise you to wait a few more years and by that time you`ll have done the things you want to do and not feel as though you`ve put your life on hold,and whats the point in falling pregnant when your bf has told you he isn`t ready to be a dad?Your both still young and should enjoy yourselves whilst you can.

I`m not saying i don`t think you`d make a great mum but in the future you will have so much more to give your child.

Answer 6

You wouldn't be the first and you won't be the last. I got pregnant at 18 my bf was 17 at the time but we loved our son dearly and did the best we could. If was hard and we weren't really ready. We had a lot of family that helped and I went to college online and I am just now getting to the end. It took me five years to get my BA is Science. It doesn't make you a bad mom because you are so young, but you just won't be able to offer as much as you would if you were more settled into life in general. There again some people never get settled and they work everyday just to survive.

Answer 7

My son at 25 is too young to have a baby. He wants his life, partying, going out with his friends, etc etc. His girlfriend had a baby from a previous relationship. He's now 7 and I know he's a problem in their relationship. She's alwasy broke, always trying to ease the tensions. Poor girl. I do feel sorry for her.
So put your feelings on hold. Wait until you're both ready for a baby. Start preparing now by making sure you've got the home, the stable relationship, the financial backing etc etc.
You'll be a good mother - just allow yourself a bit of freedom first.

Answer 8

It's not wrong, but it will be the hardest choice of your life, im 19 ive got 2 kids, i dont regret them, but i do wonder where i could be if i didnt have them. I could lead a better life and be more financially secure and give them a better life if had waited. I know what its like. I didnt want children but accidents do happen. Think seriously do you wasnt to spend your teenage years changing nappies, potty training,looking for babysitters, so you can have a night out,getting your child sorted out just so you can go to the shop. Its a big step. Your bf may leave you if you do go ahead and have a baby. Do you want to be just another statistic teen mum? I am myself before people say anything! good luck, and make a decision right for you, your bf and any child you may have.

Answer 9

Yes, because once you have that baby there is no going back. I had my son at 18 and I'm married to his father. He was supportive. However if you don't have someone there for support it is very, very difficult. I don't regret my son, but man imagine on all the things I missed out on. You're young waiting 2 more years can make a big difference and you'll have more time to enjoy yourself and learn about yourself than having someone to depend on you 24/7. Wait until you find a good partner that is willing to share your interests such as having a baby. Take some time and really think about it. Good Luck and Be Smart.

Answer 10

Yes. You should be enjoying your life at your age not tied down with a baby. Plus I think most people on this site would agree with me that the person you're with when you're 18 isn't necessarily going to be the person you will be with for the rest of your life. Better to be safe then end up a single mum in your early twenties. HAVE SOME FUN!! Enjoy your relationship and freedom and thing about having babies in a few more years.

Answer 11

Firstly, if your not working and your boyfriend is still at school then how do you exspect to support a baby, aswel as yourself? I hope your not just thinking, "oh the goverment will pay everything for me".

Babies come with alot of commitment. No more going out every weekend or as and when you feel like it. Friends wont always want to babysit for you either. They may tell you now that they would, but from experience (not my own but some of my friends) it doesnt turn out that way in the end. Sleepless nights, dirty nappies and if your boyfriend doesnt want a baby yet then i would certainly suggest you wait abit longer. Its ideal to have TWO loving parents for the child to grow up with and be loved by. If you try forcing your boyfriend to give you a child now honey your only end up losing him. Then it will be you whose the single parent....and with experience with my mates and their kids its REALLY not always easy.

Im 28 and I really want a baby. But i know for a fact im not financally able at the mo. I am working, but its not all that good with the income. I have a steady long term partner and we BOTH want a child but we both know its not right to even try at the moment.

I think you should sit down with your boyfriend and talk to him properly LIKE ADULTS. No shouting or storming off. Communication. Find out exactly WHAT his feelings are about this. Your proberly find he will tell you he wants to sort out his career first so that HE is able to raise a child with enough money for both of you. He proberly doesnt feel ready. And its also The knowing possibility that IF you both should break up, having a child together will bind you two together for life in one way. How long have you two been together?

I seriously think you should weigh up all the good points AND bad points and talk to your mum about this aswel.

Good Luck