I finally broke up with him ---why do i still want him to be sorry and crave me?

Question

I broke up with my bf/fiance of 2.5 yrs cuz i just about had it with his parents demands of dowry (I am indian .. so if anyone knows what i mean ... its bad..) in this day and age and of his abusive nature. I broke up 3 weeks before we where to get married as the demands for a new car a new house just got to me. Almost killed my Dad ... I am so sorry for having put my family through this for such a losy guy who did not have the balls to stand up for me.
Now that I broke off, we work in teh same office so i see him and i still miss him. I don't want to hate anyone .. but i am sad how he treated me and my family and yet ... i miss being with him... I think i am going mad... Its been 3.5 weeks now.. and i still miss him sometimes...

I think u guy's r right... its not him that i miss, but the feeling of being in a relatioship that I miss... I am not sorry to leave him. Any one who lifts his hand to any women esp his fiance and does not have the balls to stand up to his parents who also have shitty ideals... needs to rot in hell. And to the guy who got dumped before the wedding,. I am sorry u had to meet a lady like that and i am sorry i had to have an idiot like my bf.

Answer 1

Just because your mind has come to the realization that it is best that you two aren't together doesn't necessarily mean that your heart will catch on just as quickly. I became separated from my abusive and cheating ex back in March and our divorced was finalized in September (together at 16, married at 18, and divorced now at 23). It was a long process to finally get over it and it was especially hard because my mind knew that I could no longer tolerate his treatment of me and that I deserved better however, I couldn't help but miss him on some level. Just because our relationship was toxic, didn't mean that there was nothing good that ever cemented my emotions for him. I mean I stayed with him for many years despite his cheating and emotionally/physically abusive nature and it took all of the strength I had to leave him and not listen to his ploys to win me back. You have to be strong during times like these because the heart and emotions can be very misleading especially when you are trying to get over someone like this (who you care about but know is not good for you). You are going to miss him and the good times that you both shared but the thing is you have to keep using your head and reminding yourself as to why you are both no longer together. I hate to use the whole time analogy because I know that it is hard to swallow (because when your heart is broken it feels like you have too much time on your hands) but things will get easier as time passes. You will start to think of him less and less and start to become more and more emotionally disconnected from him and the relationship. It is going to be even harder for you considering that you must maintain some sort of contact with him based on the fact that you work in the same office but that doesn't mean that you have to speak to him anymore then you are obligated too. I have a 3 year old daughter with my ex and at first it was really difficult but I learned to keep our relationship on the context of only being about her and nothing else, which made it even easier to get over so perhaps you can apply the same actions to your professional relationship with him. Don't look at this as a time to mourn the loss of an apparently undeserved love but rather the beginning to finding happiness whether it is on your own or later on when you meet the one who deserves your love and will treat you right. Good luck and know that many people have been in your shoes before and succeeded and that you can do it too. Just keep your distance and don't allow your heart to play games with you and blind you to your better judgment. Things will get easier, you just have to have the patience and faith that they will. Take care:)

Answer 2

I admire your gutts girl. Few people esp Indian girls I know will do this. Its ok honey, Its a very difficult situation as you were about to get married.

I know the meaning of dowry for an Indian girl (though I am not). But think about it at least you discover the ugly side of him & his family now as trust me I think it will get worse when you marry him. What makes you think his demand will stop?.

If he truly luvs you, he wouldn't have put you thru this so, is it worth going thru for such a loser like him?. Think carefully. Maybe it a sign from god.

Getting over a relationship takes time and you need to let go and move on. I think you have done a favor for yourself and your family. Take up a new hobby, get a new job, meet new ppl, have a change in your life and who knows happiness is waiting for you.

Good luck

Answer 3

Ask yourself-are you missing him or are you missing being in a relationship? Noone should be in that demanding of a relationship. There are plenty of nice, indian guys who would marry you and treat you better without the dowry. Sounds to me like they and him are controlling. Would it stop at the dowry or would they continue to make similar demands once the marriage went through. Find a new prince.

Answer 4

I'm Indian so I understand what you mean. Seriously, dowry? You're SO much better off without him. Take a bat and hit him in the face, might make you feel better. Besides, its only been like a month since this happened, plenty of time to get over it. Best way to get over him is to meet someone else. Someone less of an asshole, preferably. All the best!

Answer 5

It is normal to miss your ex, esp after spending quite a long time with him. hey, at 2.5 years its a lifetime for me. However, dont succumb and go back to him just because u miss having someone telling you that he loves u. or miss having someone to snuggle with. and go for meals with. etc etc etc. fact is, he doesnt sound like a catch at all, and you are better off without him. abusive and spineless (yeah, those 2 traits go hand in hand). Im sorry that your parents went through such a crappy deal too. As much as they want their daughter to settle down, i think they will breathe better knowing that their daughter dont end up with such a scum, and in-laws from hell. just imagine if u marry him and the whole family abuse (emotional is as bad as physical, dont think that they will change - maybe i watch too many Bollywood film, i dunno). you will be fine, honey. trust me. it will just take time. probably it isnt even him that u miss. its just the idea of being in a relationship. Good luck dear.

Answer 6

It will definitely take time to get over it. It is hard to adjust to only relying on yourself to feel good. Just remember that you are no less of a person just because you're not with him. The pain feels physical, but it is not, you will survive, and maybe grow from this experience. I know the pain, and have been through it a few times.

Good luck, I hope your family is there for you, and that you have some friends of your own that you don't share with him, because that is a good way to get away from it all and start moving on.

Answer 7

When yuo break up with someone yuo don't just lose the guy, you lose your way of life. When you are with someone, you tie your own identity to them. So, when they go you are left with, what do I do with my time? It is more comfortable to go back to what you know. Even if it is bad. Keep up beeing away from him!! make a new routine. Change jobs or departments. Soon you will have a routine of your own that doesn't include him and you will stop missing him and the drama that comes with him.

Answer 8

This guy took 2.5 years of your life, ofcourse you are going to feel that way. Working near or around him is not a good idea though. Sounds like what you did is right and stick with that. Good luck

Answer 9

find a new career or you will never get past the feelings 2.5 years is a long time and the feelings grew pretty strong but now you smelled the coffee it did not have suger in it did it now move on there is better out there for you.

Answer 10

well a part of you still loves him. you are like many other girls, you want the man that you love to respect you and love you with all of their heart. that and it really makes you feel good when the guy comes crawling back begging for your forgiveness and promising that things will change. girl, he really needs to prove that he will change and stick up for you when you need it the most. i think you were smart to call off the wedding if you were having doubts. i wish i would of done that with my ex instead of walking down that isle because i thought it was to late to call it off. give yourself and him some time. if he really loves you that much he will come to you. take care and good luck!!