Well, he’s a guy I met 4 months ago. Just found out that he’s been married and divorced. He kept all these things from me. Anyway we talked after and he said that all he wants and is able to give me for now is a casual relationship with me. He’s been in committed relationship, he knows what it is, his life is a mess for now and there are some other things on the list of his top priorities. At this moment I’m feeling totally confused. I have deep feelings for him and he seems to have feelings for me. Is he honest with me? Is he using me or just afraid of any relationships after his unhappy marriage? Don’t want to waste my time facing the fact that it will cause pain at the end.
2006-12-12 01:30:48 · 12 answers · asked by Boginya 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
after saying "that all he wants and is able to give you for now is a casual relationship with you."...typically for men that have been hurt thats code for let me not just commit myself to one person let me have as many people to myself as possible so I can assure my ego...honestly its not worth your time..move on...there are better fish in the sea
2006-12-12 01:35:45 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello
Ask him what he wants from you in the relationship. The response to this question will tell you where he stands , then you can make a decision in response to what he says. Being direct may be risky attimes but at least you guys will be on the same page.
There are some facts you will have to face: He has been married and is now divorced, he may not want to commit as of yet, he may want to see other people too (meaning he may not want to be locked into a relationship as of yet) No matter what his response is be understanding and keep in mind that this may be scary and anxious for him too.
On the other hand do not ignore how you feel inside, if you want more from a relationship; be honest with him, tell him what you also need from him. (Tell him after he has answered the initial question first)
The reason is non verbally it communicates that you value his input by letting him speak first.
2006-12-12 09:42:07 · answer #2 · answered by dymps 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you think you want more out of this he obviously doesn't so I think it would be best to cut your ties now and move on. It will be hard but in the long run it will be better for you. Why cheat yourself out of having a long relationship or possibly marriage if he doesn't feel like he is ready or every will be for that matter.And if he is keeping things from you and your 4 months into it over something so minor as a divorce just think of what other things he would keep from you.
2006-12-12 09:38:41 · answer #3 · answered by HARWOODH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since I have been in those shoes (his actually) well, and yours I can honestly say that from his aspect he probably does have feelings for you. Getting married is a big deal, and having to get divorced leaves you with a sense of loss, guilt (especially if there were kids), and a feeling of failure. These things take time to work out. Everyones timetable is different, it also makes you reevaluate what is truly important, and sometimes the best thing is having "someone" in your life - without basing your entire life on them including all of your decisions for the future. My best advice would be - if you truly care for him then give it time, give him the space that he needs, be supportive, and enjoy! If it is meant to be it will come.....
2006-12-12 09:37:04 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever read the book. "He's just not into you"?
He wants his cake and he wants to eat it too. If he wasn't ready for a relationship then he wouldn't have gotten himself into the "casual" ine you have now. i dont mean to be personal but if you two are having sex, then stop while its "casual". If he truely likes you and really isn't ready for a committed relationship then he will stick around. If he leaves as soon as you deny the pooty then you know what he was looking for. A booty Call.
2006-12-12 09:36:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a toughy, on one hand you have this guy that has had a great number of "experience" but on the hand he seems like a pretty cool guy. the problem is, that hes willing to keep things from you, also, he seems to have way to many problems. i dont think the problem is figuring out if hes faithful, i think its figuring out if you really want to get involved in his lifestyle. try making a pro's and con's list, find all the good things bout him, and all the bad, you know, organize your thoughts, its easier to see on paper. after you do that look and see which side of the list has more. obviously if the con's has more, then you have to seriously consider your involvement...
Goodluck...
2006-12-12 09:39:10 · answer #6 · answered by latinkid7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Id be careful with this one. He has already proved to be deceitful. Someone who will conceal such major issues, isn't ever going to be totally open and honest..... ABOUT ANYTHING!
this could be the guy who is capable of double life... Are you sure that he is even divorced? four months can feel like alot, but don't let it turn to 4yrs... or more.... to see how much he can hurt you...
good luck...
2006-12-12 09:38:35 · answer #7 · answered by Mikez Bad Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you are willing to have a casual relationship then it can be a workable friendship. But, when he wants sex think about whether you just consider sex as part of a casual relationship...or are you just a willing receptacle.
2006-12-12 09:36:09 · answer #8 · answered by IGH3Rat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have chosen a wrong guy! He used you up, ate your body, enjoyed sex that's all! He is not a guy to take responsibilities! A coward is the right word for him.
2006-12-12 09:58:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he is leaving the door open to go back to his wife. If that wont work he's got you to fall back on.
Move on!
2006-12-12 09:34:22 · answer #10 · answered by Yahoo Answer Rat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋