My gf recently told me she is 4 years older than I thought she was (42 not 38, me 37). I had to pull the truth out of her about this by confronting her about it. She cried about it and said she did it because I had said I wouldnt want to be with someone several years older than me (ok, maybe that impression came out). We became close&she says she never corrected her age because she was afraid to lose me. I believe this and know she loves me very much but this lie is so heavy on my heart. I asked her if she had more lies about herself she needed to tell me and she says she has an older brother and 2 older sisters. Huh? She had always told me she was the eldest! Turns out her older brother was abusive toward her and family, one older sister is a drug addict and the other wasted her time in school(like that's a reason to deny her existence). She says she doesn't consider them family so she made up these lies? Is the woman I fell in love with a pathological liar or just weak in character?
2006-12-11 20:17:50 · 8 answers · asked by Delightful123 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
the woman is just too concerned wth not distorting her image in ur eyes..this is because she loves u to an extent where she's ready to hide a part of her identity only to be worthy of u..thats definitely out of love plus an insecure personality..i've seen this case many times and i know that it's not a LYING problem, it's an emotional and psychological problem..this woman really loves u, and if u love her too, u should help her acknowlege herself better and make her feel good about who she is despite all the negative things that surround her..
2006-12-11 20:25:34 · answer #1 · answered by GucciRush 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
very tough question... if it was just the age thing id say give her another chance. I could see how as the relationship progressed it would make it harder on her to tell the truth. About the family thing... maybe she is ashamed of you knowing the truth about her family, but i dont know why she wouldnt have just denied the problems in the family, not the age thing. I personally would say dont leave her quite yet; confront her and be frank with her that your worried that this showed weak character and you fear she may lie about really big things in the future, or maybe that she has already. Dont hold back on your feelings here just to spare hers, shes already hurt you. It could very well be a personal problem of hers that she wants to fix and may not turn into a big issue. It all depends on how much you want this relationship to work. If you talk to her and still feel like you cant get passed this, you may want to move on.
2006-12-11 20:24:41 · answer #2 · answered by Christines256 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to see this the other way round.
She confessed in the end with all the risk of loosing you.
Dont make that true, as it would effect her too much, she would be totally convinced that lying is the only way to strenghten a relationship.
Since whe was honest , and had the courage to tell you, I think you need to help her through this, make it clear that you rather have ber being honest on everything else from this moment on because it is important for you.
She loves you a lot and I am sure if she loves you that much, from your explanation she would change.
As for you, I think its better you let time allow you to adjust to these truth and give this one more chance as you love her a lot as well.
She did all that for love and to be loved.
Explain what you want from relationship to her and give your relationship one more try and see whats there after that.
2006-12-11 22:30:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anne H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u should be together despite the lies.it was wrong of her to lie, it's true, u can blame her for that but u can also make an effort to get past it..since u care about her. if feelings are not that strong then u could say she has a problem.i definitely don't think she's a pathological liar.maybe she was afraid of losing u.the thing u have to do it weigh the pro-s&con-s and c what u want from ur relation.
2006-12-11 20:32:53 · answer #4 · answered by krissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's sad that she felt the need to lie like that, but I can see why it would bother you so much. It would cast doubt on everything else she has told you. You're the only one who knows what you should do at this point. Good luck.
2006-12-11 20:23:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd be freaked out... Not so much by the age thing (it's kind of like lying about your weight and has no real bearing on anything), but this is not just one lie... Actually the age lie would also freak me out.
2006-12-11 20:23:07 · answer #6 · answered by kathryn3 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She sounds pathological to me. Beware.
2006-12-11 20:24:35 · answer #7 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
forget
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2006-12-11 20:23:22 · answer #8 · answered by dana brown 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋