i was dating this guy for about a month and 1 day he called me asked how i was feeling i was depressed i had got a letter in the mail in regards to my dads death he was killed 2 yrs ago not a bad letter but just put me sort of sad mood so his response after i tell him was let me call u back so i called him back he said he as playing a game i said u brushed me off cuzz of a stupid videogame that is so inconsiderate he says well what was i suppose to say so i go on to tell him what my pop had been to me in my life my mom died when i was young so he raised me and my sis. you know the whole thing he says well i did not want to get in your buissness i said i would not have told you i was feeling bad if i wasnt willing to tell u what caused it so i said sometimes just to be there with the person helps alot or the classic anything i can do 4u so even after i told him all i needed was 4 him to be there with me he still left me hanging what is up with that
2006-12-11 18:33:06 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
thats bunke, deal braker
2006-12-11 18:34:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
While this male sounds somewhat socially immature, it is also very very early on in your budding relationship. In the world of reality, you two are about as close as two strangers who meet up on the bus every morning.
By calling him back after he said he'd have to call you back later was probably not the correct response on your part.
He made a clear message that he wasn't available for you at the time and you forced the issue by calling him back. When he told you the truth - that he was playing a video game - you got angry.
I don't think that was very fair.
I think it is far too early in your relationship to expect him to know you well enough to have known what you needed. Every person is quite different in how they deal with sadness, loss, grief and depression.
As insensitive as it seems that he hung up to return to his video game, I think you are taking this far too seriously and putting too much meaning into it.
To put this into perspective:
He was obviously playing the game before he called you which meant that while he was playing his game he was thinking of you and wanted to talk to you. He was in a light, friendly mood but when you answered you obviously were not!
And while this isn't going to be the most popular answer here... I think he did the best thing possible by letting you know he wasn't ready to be that kind of support for you and by being honest enough with himself that he wasn't ready to help you with your grief.
He didn't disregard your feelings or just fake it like many men would by continuing playing his games and nodding and "uh huh"ing on the phone while you poured your heart out to him. He discreetly decided to give you time to yourself to work through your own sad feelings and by him doing this, it left the option open for you to find a closer friend to talk to if you needed it. Not involving himself with your pain wasn't necessarily mean or rude, it was probably quite smart with as little as he knows you.
Yes, the kinder more polite thing would have been for him to offer some line of sympathy and THEN excuse himself from the conversation. But I don't think one slip in social manners is a deal breaker.
If you find he does this on a continual basis, however, then you'll see it's actually part of his character and THAT is a deal breaker, I would say.
2006-12-12 03:02:10 · answer #2 · answered by Brynn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say its a deal breaker.. I wouldnt say he is a bad guy...just not a guy with the ability to give you the emotional support you need. Not all people (not just guys) are capable of helping people with strong emotions or rough times.
Its not a flaw in their character its just something you have to note and decide if thats an important factor for you in a relationship. If it is they have to move on.
It sounds like it is.. so I would say part ways and be thankful you found out early on
2006-12-12 02:46:54 · answer #3 · answered by Frenchie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I'm very sorry for your loss. Secondly, what this guy did sounds very selfish, and I'd be concerned because those are clearly the types of situations where we need someone to be there for us the most. It's not something that can be learned either, because it has to be sincere and from the heart.
In my humble opinion, there are many more sincere and thoughtful people out there...I'd say it's a deal breaker.
2006-12-12 02:37:16 · answer #4 · answered by S.G. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget him.
My boyfriend is sympathetic when things go wrong in my life.
If someone close to me died, especially my Father, my boyfriend would probably call off work to be there for me.
This character you've got does not seem compassionate or willing to sacrifice his stupid video game for your serious need.
And that's BS.
2006-12-12 02:35:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hes definitely inconsiderate and on the face insensitive .. but hes not mature to ur level as well ... let him grow up ... you move on ... dump him before u get emotional with him ..
2006-12-12 02:37:19 · answer #6 · answered by Yash 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some people aren't ready for the girly emotions. guys don't feel the same stuff, and if we do we hide it. you have to break him to it VERY slowly. keep most of it hidden from him, and SLOWLY leak it out.
2006-12-12 02:35:45 · answer #7 · answered by Pyromaniac 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have only been seeing him for a month and you expect for him to know what you expect from him? a little soon to be asking him to know your personality.
2006-12-12 02:36:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess it's a guy thing.... incapable of understanding when you need them
2006-12-12 02:37:14 · answer #9 · answered by Tigerlillie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes
2006-12-12 02:33:55 · answer #10 · answered by Steve V 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋