I have this horrible, uneasy and oppressive feeling in my throat that my long-term and live-in boyfriend......

Question

whom I absolutely adore more than life itself might be cheating on me. He disappears for hours on end several times a week and I have absolutely no idea where he`s going and/or hiding. When I did eventually ask him where in the world has he been, he told me in no uncertain terms to mind my own business, that he didn`t have to answer to me or anyone else, that his private business was his own and that he didn`t like to be questioned of his whereabouts by anybody, especially me!

What is that supposed to mean?!?Am I just behaving like an obnoxious, paranoid, jealous, annoying and obsessive girlfriend and should just back off and leave him alone and let him do what he wants to do? After all, he is in his late twenties and in great physical shape so he should enjoy his life outside our home, is that correct?

If he is effectively cheating on me right now, then he is also cheating on his forbidden love because we still have great sexual intercourse several times a week (but not every day)!

Answer 1

Well I wouldnt go as far as to say he is cheating because I never like to jump to that conclusion. But the odds are your gut is right.

However if my boyfriend told me to butt out and not to question him because it was none of my business I would tell him exactly where to stuff it and kick him to the curb. No one deserves to be disrespected like that and I wouldnt stand for it.

If I were you I would think long and hard about whether that is something you want to put up with. If you are together he has an obliation to inform you of what he is doing. He doesnt however have to give you every little detail or ask you for promission everytime he leaves the house. But an overview and a general break down of what he has going on is a must. The same for you.

It may be that you caught him in a bad mood if his repsonse was a one time occurance and then you should tell him that it hurt your feelings and she should appologize for the way he put things. If this is his normal response I would think long and hard about this relationship and where it is going. YOU DESEVE RESPECT and you have a right to know what is going on.

If you have the feeling he is cheating on you and you two are still having sex.. my advice to you is to make him wear condoms. If he really is out there making the rounds you dont want to be catching what he might be bringing home.

Stay safe honey.. and good luck.. remember if you dont treat yourself right and stand up for youself no one will. Stand your ground and get some answers.

Answer 2

I understand the whole thing about wanting privacy and all, but I think he shouldn't get all defensive if you ask where he's been. I mean, why shouldn't you know where he goes? If it's not a big deal, he should just tell you. And I think that's not too much to ask. I mean you two are living together. If you didn't live together, it may be different. It's not a good sign when a man gets really defensive over a question like that. But, don't worry just yet. Think about if he's been acting differently. Have things been different between you? If things are different, like how you communicate and such maybe you could talk to him about that. But you shouldn't accuse him of cheating if you don't really have any proof because then he will get defensive. I'm not really giving good answers here. I'm sorry. I wish I could help! I just think you should talk to him. If it keeps bothering you, you can always talk to him about it, but he'll probably get angry. If you ask me, he's being a jerk though. I'm married and if my husband left the house not to go to work, but just somewhere and didn't mention where I'd ask him and he'd tell me where he was going. Not a big deal! But maybe he's feeling trapped or something. like he has no freedom now because you've been together for awhile. Young guys do that. So I guess try not to worry too much. Sorry I'm not the best help! :P Good luck!!!

Answer 3

Hello,

Wow.. i was actually impressed on how brave you could be. I mean, typing such a big problem on the Internet is not something you can do nor tell other people. However, there could be few reasons why he is not telling you where he is One is that, you might have disappointed him in something and now he just wants to pay you back. Another reason could be that he has too many problems, and he is trying to solve them in his own time and has to go to some place just to relax but doesn't want to tell you about it. and the worse thing could be that he is cheating on you. Unfortunately the psychologist people say that if a male is making love to you more then he did in the past that is the sign of cheating, please refer to this page....

http://www.marsvenus.com/

good luck with it...

hope that this website might answer few of your questions

Answer 4

Lolita, I think you are, as you put it "an obnoxious, paranoid, jealous, annoying and obsessive girlfriend and should just back off and leave him alone and let him do what he wants to do"

Further your thought that he is cheating on his forbidden love with you is a very interesting thought. I will tell my wife...

Answer 5

He's having sex elsewhere. He's also right, his private business is his own. It would be different if you were married, but you're just his girlfriend, you have no real claim on him. He can do what he wants, there is no real commitment there.

If you're content to stay and be used, go ahead. I'd recommend getting out of it though, especially before you get pregnant and find out just how rotten and cruel he can really be when you put major restrictions on his life.

Answer 6

I don't think that is acceptable. I hate people who attack others of being jealous, possessive, when in fact they are not giving their loved ones enough respect and consideration.

If any behavior causes concerns to the other party, one should think about how to deal with the situation to make sure he addresses that concern. The onus is on him to make sure you are comfortable with what he is doing.

Waving the defence of 'trust me so don't question me no matter what i do' is not good at all.

I would not tolerate such attitude even if he is not cheating.

Answer 7

I know how you feel yet I know how he feels also. Give him some privacy. If this keeps happening then it means something is wrong. Otherwise, just wait and see. If youre too uncomfortable. Talk to him. If he's really into you, he actually like it that youre a little jealous. If he keeps the same attitude, then wait and see. I would suggest start suspecting something. Maybe he was doing soemthing secret for you. Who knows. I know relationships are tough. Im confused myself.. ..

Answer 8

Always trust your gut, it is usually right. If you truly feel that he is cheating, you are probably right but your mind does a funny thing called denial and it causes you to even doubt your gut. Most importantly, if you even have to question him about cheating and you continue be remain sexually active with him, then you had better protect yourself from HIV, etc. Remember, you are not only sleeping with him but whoever he has slept with and whoever that person has slept with, etc. It is a vicious circle that can have devastating, life threatening consequences.

Answer 9

He obviously hiding something. You have a right to be paranoid. You are not to blame, however you need to get some balls! If he can't even vaguely tell you where he was and what he was doing he doesn't respect you. Why would you want to be with someone like this?

Answer 10

All women have a gift from God called women intuition. Yours is going off. If this BOY really cares about you he would take into consideration your feelings about him disappearing. He obviously has something to hide. You need to put him out or move.