I have a friend who was raped when she was in middle school by her father. She now lives about a day away from me to go to college and escape the place where her memories are.
I really do love her and she knows it. But she has trouble with any relationship due to that incident. Is there anyway I can help her? She says that she doesnt want to have a relationship, due to me being in the same area as her parents and memories. That is ok with me for now. But I love her and would like to grow a relationship with her where at least we can be close to eachother without her feeling scared of me. I dont care if she is scared of other men. But I want her to be able to trust in me and my love for her.
2006-12-11 18:12:19 · 10 answers · asked by rezruf 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
ok, I guess I made it seem like she was crazy. She slightly is, but is alot better. She doesnt absolutely hate guys. She is fine being friends with them and such. Heck she slept in the same room as 5 guys and 2 other girls (bunking at a friends place during a convention). She doesnt really have social problems. She has problems going on with a relationship. She would either accept someone as a friend or little brother type. I'm so far accepted as a friend.
2006-12-11 18:25:49 · update #1
You shouldn't force her into a relationship the fact that she's been through a trauma. Explain to her that if she's not yet ready, you will still stand by her side as a friend and lend her a shoulder to cry on whenever she needs to. Help her overcome the fear by gently persuading her to socialise with others. Let it be girls first for a start. You two can go cycling together, go to the seaside together as friends. Explain that to her and when she begins to trust you, she will accept you.
2006-12-11 18:20:31 · answer #1 · answered by eTerNal_sAnDwIcH92 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Convince her she needs some conseling. Its late, i cant spell.
She needs to be able to be in the same area she grew up in, or for goodness sakes, she's depriving herself of ALL of her own history - or herstory as the case may be. Also - she has to have her own freinds, and other family there she is depriving herself of.
Besides, its sounds like this man still has a whole lot of control over her - he's getting alot of mental room without paying rent - and she shouldnt let him anymore - thats victim mentality - but its not for you to try to work on. Be her freind, not her shrink. Y'know what I mean? Just try to let her know you think it would be a good idea for her to get some help.
2006-12-11 18:20:24 · answer #2 · answered by freshbliss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey!to win a girls heart is relly takes a lot of maturity n honesty n specially when the girl has experienced a rap!i reallly admire ur efforts n feelings for that girl
u should first talk to that grl without expecting of anything from her
frst be her friend n let her trust u
this will want a lot of patience bt if u r kneen to do this none cn stop u not even that girl!
try to feel her feelings coz she hd raped from her father so she cnt trust anybody easily!
go slowly dear!
have patience n u wl surely win!
all the best
2006-12-11 18:21:34 · answer #3 · answered by mehta m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it seems that you do have something in mind or you wouldn't have asked the question "as a lover".
Her ability to trust men doesn't have to do with just you, as you apparently know. But you should certainly not give her any reason not to trust you. Don't push her! Trust takes time to develop, so have patience.
In the meantime, as her friend, you can encourage her to get the counseling she needs to let go of any inappropriate guilt she may feel and lack of trust.
And please, don't have sex until after you're married.
2006-12-11 18:17:42 · answer #4 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is so sweet, but from experience, it is so hard for a rape victim to trust the sex that raped them. dont try to talk her into it, show her that you are not anything like her father. send flowers, and just be a great friend for now. then when she is ready she will let you know.
2006-12-11 18:17:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! It is hard to find a guy like you today. Take her to a psychologist there she could ease the painful past and get over it. Good luck! She is a lucky girl :)
2006-12-11 18:17:59 · answer #6 · answered by . 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rezruf, tough situation. Victims of anything, rape, accident, betrayal, etc, any victim has to learn to continue with life. You can't change the past...but you can change how you deal with it, how you view it. It sounds to me like she could use some therapy. Ask her to consider visiting a therapist/psychologist. She needs to learn to ge on with her life. You can't change her...she has to change herself. If she hasn't yet learned to come to grips with her past, then therapy can definitely help. Urge her to try therapy...and good luck.
2006-12-11 18:17:42 · answer #7 · answered by judgebill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try 2 help her the best way u know how
2006-12-11 18:18:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
take it slow if she loves you it might work. unless she needs mental help not a joke talk to her about same
2006-12-11 18:17:25 · answer #9 · answered by wayne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be there wen sheneeds sumone
2006-12-11 18:15:35 · answer #10 · answered by alana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋