met up with a guy I dated 14 yrs ago. Newly seperated w a 5 yr old daughter. He thinks if his ex knows he's dating she will cut off contact between him & his child. He gets transfered often for work, and she leaves him every time they get transfered. I feel strongly about our relationship & that we got a second chance, and I don't want to be his little secret. I have grown children, and this is big for me to be open to a 5 yr old in my life. He says he could never trust his ex again, but wants to keep things low until the divorce goes thru. I know I should be true to myself & cut this relationship off, but I'm stuck in the fact that I believe everything happens for a reason, & if we were given a second chance we should take it. I'm trying to be understanding, but my patients are wearing thin. I think he should tell his ex he is seeing someone else if our relationship means anything to him. .....thoughts?????
2006-12-11 18:02:38 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ugh! I was in a situation like this. One thing you have to realize is the ex is always going to have something hanging over him to manipulate him with. And believe me, she will do it!!! It drove me crazy. I couldn't deal with it. I felt like a second class citizen in the r/ship, and she was like a Queen who just had to bark an order and he would jump. UGH!!!! If you are going into this, just be sure you are going into it with your eyes open and you know what to expect. If you love him enough, I think it could work out, but it will take a lot of understanding on your part. You will have to be a very BIG person. It's hard. But again, anything is worth putting up with if there is true love. Good luck whatever you decide to do.
2006-12-11 18:07:54 · answer #1 · answered by bellyyo62 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be careful! First, I would have waited until the divorce was final before dating him. If he is so paranoid about his ex finding out, then he is not ready to date. Generally, I think people should take some time to figure out how their marriage went wrong before jumping into a new relationship.
The ex will always be in the picture and if he is keeping your relationship a secret from her now, who's to say he will not bow to her wishes and threats in the future.
Also, you should really think through the responsibility of raising another child for 13 years. I know I wouldn't want to do it!
2006-12-11 18:18:08 · answer #2 · answered by schweetums 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him some more time. He loves his child and ex's can really make it hard when they want to. As soon as his divorce go thru, let him know what you expect. I know it can work for you two because fate brought you together again. I understand completely because I married a man that I had dated 13 yrs ago and we kind of went thru some of the same things, but we finally got married and have been married for 30 years. Hang in there. He's worth waiting for. Good luck.
2006-12-11 18:11:10 · answer #3 · answered by Dyan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you've been warned no longer to initiate relationship - who advised you that! no longer something incorrect with relationship - getting too in contact too with out delay would reason a difficulty. i.e. letting somebody else fall in love with you at the same time as you're not to any extent further particularly there yet. it takes time and time is the only element you've immediately - time is also a quandary in case you do not use it wisely - change into bored and also you replicate on issues, per chance more effective than you need to - that's at the same time as the topics initiate. Get your self out - opt for a stroll contained in the country or purely to the dep. shops and function a go searching - take a seat for a espresso and watch the international go by......... regrettably, all and dissimilar is different, so no timescale ought to nicely be positioned in this - yet, the only element i'd say is - you're in administration of that - what you do on an afternoon after day foundation can make each and each and every of the version - do something outrageous, that you've continually had to do or maybe something that you idea you would in no way do.......that's the major to transferring on.
2016-11-25 22:16:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I am speaking from a mother and a woman's point of view. Before I married and settled down it was tough to find a good one out there. It's really frustrating because men can be deceiving as well as the insincere ones play games for their impersonal interests. I have heard all kinds of stories of nice ladies looking for a mate and thinking they found Mr. Perfect and it turned out that he was married and had many other obligations. Four years ago I was out there searching and thank God I found him and our marriage has really been more than I ever thought possible and we are tremendously in love and happy and have a daughter and expecting another child.
But my advice is for you to step back and re-evaluate your expectations of a future mate. Stop dating and don't associate with other men for this reason until you really know what you are looking for and what you want your future to be like. I did this because I had a similar situation that I met a really wonderful man but he was tied up with an ex and had a child with her that required a lot of discretion.
I liked him a lot but I knew that I had to break it off as soon as I realized that I don't really want those kind of complications in my future with any mate and to be invisible. I love kids but lets face it, its totally different when they don't belong to you whether you like it or not. Also he had such a bad history with the ex that I had the impression that he didn't have a very good control of his life in general if he allowed her to push him around like that. So that also was a red flag to me that things could fail in the future.
Find a well educated man who has a good relationship with his family and respects his mother. It's ok if he has been married before as long as she is totally out of the picture and they never had children. It's easier this way and besides, you deserve to be with someone who will have time for you and who will want to build a life around your marriage. I know it sounds difficult but you must have faith and keep looking. Also there is nothing wrong in expecting him to make good money because this means that he is mature and thinks about his future. Sharing the same religious beliefs is also vital. I hope this helps you and please protect yourself and end it before it hurts you. Because you are most likely to be hurt in this situation and you deserve positive approaches to your life. I will say the same thing to my daughter one day when she grows up.
2006-12-11 18:27:47 · answer #5 · answered by Mom_of_two 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best think twice about this. If he is not divoced you could help set up a very bad divorce and maybe limited visits for him and his son... Also rebond could be the name of the game
2006-12-11 18:10:30 · answer #6 · answered by rabatvilla 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ex's can be vindictive, you should let him wait until the custody agreement is approved by the court. Then it better be out in the open, though he has no reason to tell her, its none of her business. It shouldn't be hidden either though.
2006-12-11 18:08:45 · answer #7 · answered by WitchTwo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
think better for a long time before
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2006-12-11 18:05:04 · answer #8 · answered by dana brown 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋