;my new love, yet i pay for everything, and she won't say if she has any money in the bank, i told her, hmmm

Question

have meet a wonderful lady, she professes she loves me dearly, and do believe her, marriage is in the works, yet whenever we go out I have always paid the bill, constantly, and I have told her how much money I have, but she won;t reveal her's, maybe she is broke and ashamed to admit it, I do love her dearly, just want her to be honest,

Answer 1

It is my opinion that financial matters are something that is very personal. I have been dating my b/f for two years (known him for 20) and I have never asked how much money he makes. I know that he pays his bills on time, and takes good care of myself and my daughter, and that we love each other. This is really all that matters.
Now if I were to marry him I believe financial issues would be important to discuss, especially if we are going to start living together, buy a house etc.
If you are feeling a little "used" and want to go dutch on some of the entertainment, or are strapped for cash, this would be important to discuss. But asking how much she makes is really none of your business.
If you truly love her, as you state, this shouldn't be an issue.

Answer 2

First, I'm not believing that when money just started appearing in your account each month, you didn't even bother to check out the source (all it would have taken was a phone call to bank) and you just decided to use it, all very innocent like (no rational person does that). And no judge will believe it either. Have you broken a law? No, because it was a joint account. Will a judge take it in consideration when deciding on divorce/child support issues? Probably. I don't know how much money you're talking about, but what you did is similar to separating from your spouse and then draining the joint bank accounts of all the money--a divorce judge takes it into consideration when determine property settlement (and you could be ordered to pay a portion of it back). Does it mean that you will never be entitled to future child support? No (you're entitled to child support until the child turns 18, and I doubt you used the equivalent of 18 years worth of child support). File for child support and let the judge work it out.

Answer 3

Bro: Reality check. Although romance is nice, the question here is: how far in life have you gone in order to consider that you are ready to settle down? What does she do for a living? What kind of car does she drive? Where does she live? Does she have any children hiding somewhere? Have you been to her house?
I am a firm believer that no self-respecting man should ever marry a woman who would prove to be a weight and a dream killer. If you are not at least 28 and have achieved your financial goals in life, then you are headed for disaster. Women, for the most part, want someone to support them, pay for their everything, and serve as a door mat. Many out there play games just to see what they can get out of you. It seems to me that money and success are important to you and although I do not agree that you interrogate her on her finances, I do believe that you take your time and do some investigating of your own.
After all, a relationship is just like a business; it either is a good deal or it is not. If you simply like the way she is in the sack but she has nothing else going for her, then, you need to dump her like a bad habit. Besides, there are plenty of women out there. NEVER DATE OR MARRY A WOMAN WHO HAS NOTHING TO BRING TO THE RELATIONSHIP, CAPICE? If you do, it will cost you VERY dearly.
Feel free to reply.
Mr. M on "she won't say."

Answer 4

If a marriage is in the works (meaning you're engaged), I think you should approach the issue by discussing finances for the wedding and your life together. Tell her that it is very important that you both are aware of each others financial obligations. This will give you an idea of where she stands and also give you an idea of why she stands there (so to speak). Obviously you'll have to do this gently, however, if she loves you she'll understand! Good luck.

Answer 5

You should be straight with her if your starting to feel uncomfortable paying for her all the time. I know how you feel, I went through the same thing, only difference is that it was a cousin who was doing this to me. Whenever you go out to eat & your done eating, the check comes & they look the other way, don't even bother offering to split the bill.....let's put it this way, some people are SHADY, this girl your dating assumes you will pay for everything just because you like her. You should tell her you can't do it all the time. Be honest with her, maybe it will help her open up & it will send the message that she needs to pay up next time.

Answer 6

If you are going to be married, during pre-marriage counseling you need to talk about spending habits, how finances will be managed and how much you BOTH together will have for future plans. If you are not planning on getting married it really isn't any of your business, unless she wants to reveal.

If you are not always wanting to pay the bill, I strongly suggest talking with her about this in an open conversation. She may have been brought up differently and money isn't to be discussed outside of the home. TALK to her...lack of true communication is #1 downfall of relationships...money and kids are right up there..

If you truly love her you will talk to her about it and ask her for her opinion. Best of luck to you both.

Answer 7

It's not just the issue of who pays...if you are thinking about marrying her, you need to know what her financial situation is. What if she is buried in debt? You will be responsible for it if you marry her.

I would also wonder about her sense of generosity if she has never offered to pay. Does she do other things, like cook meals for you or buy you little gifts?

There are many important things you should discuss before marriage, including, but not limited to: money matters, religion, kids or no kids, will mom stay home with babies, saver or spender, household chores, yard work, where and with whom to spend holidays, vacations, and sexual compatibility.

Answer 8

Maybe you should tell her that paying for all the dates is getting rather expensive. If your being honest with her than she should do the same!!! Honesty is the bases of a relationship.Ask her if she could afford to pay for a date here and there. If that's makes her unhappy maybe shes not the one for you. This is 2006, its not always the guys JOB to pay.

Answer 9

In this day and age, men should not always be required to pay. Relationships in my opinion are supposed to be equal for the most part. Like men can pay for dinner, but women pay for movie tickets, etc. Just as men should not always have to be the one to ask a girl out, it should also work vice versa. I guess girls just don't want to go through what we go through.

Answer 10

talk to her... good communication can make wonders... look at it this way... you are in the road to marriage and you still don't know her financial status?? talk ok... you might be hiding stuff from each other without realizing it