so like basically im always there for all my friends and i listen to all their problems and i always help them out. and i even help out ppl who arent my friends and at times the situations get serious and i get a lot of stress. just so you understand today i walked into school and within 5 minutes three people told me problems they were having and asked me for help. bascially im losing my mind. when my friends tell me about things i cant even stand listening to it and i feel like im going to have a panic attack or something. im no longer happy about things im normally happy about. i get stressed very easily. im bored and im always on edge these days. but i still find myself helping my friends. i am not sure what i have. if its depression or some sort of stress disorder. any ideas?
2006-12-11 15:06:26 · 7 answers · asked by Susan D 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I think "Birdlady" may have the best answer here.
You are a nurturer - that is, you are naturally drawn to people that need support. And, they are drawn to you. This is not a bad thing. In fact, the world needs people like you.
Unfortunately, being nurturing can suck the life out of you, especially when you are young and haven't developed strategies for just how much you can afford to give without ending up the way that you describe here. You'll figure it out before too long.
The key is making a distinction between "selfishness" and "self-concern". When you do things for yourself, you probably feel selfish. Maybe your parents laid a series of guilt trips on you when you were younger about not paying attention to others, or not spending enough time with your brother or sister, or any one of a number of little suggestions that you - as a nurturer - took too seriously. Now, you over compensate and are spending waaay too much energy on others and ignoring your own special needs.
Self-concern is difficult for nurturers, but it is vital that you learn how to do it. You need to define what it is that recharges your batteries. Is it being with a bunch of close friends, surrounded by others, going to parties, or being in large crowds - shopping, concerts, etc.? Or, is it being by yourself - getting some alone time - taking long walks, or closing yourself up in your room with a good book? Whatever it is, write it down, make a list. What gets you centered again after all the help you are being asked to give wears you out? Then, schedule some time to do that thing at least once or twice a month. (If you don't schedule it, you won't do it. You know why? Because it's selfish to take care of yourself- at least that's what you think, right?)
I don't think you have depression, but you may have low tolerance for stress. Stress is good. We can't live without it. But, if a lot of your energy is going out to others, life's other stresses may get you down.
Think SELF-CONCERN. Take care of yourself. Be good to YOU once in a while. You deserve it!
2006-12-11 16:57:04 · answer #1 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definately sound like you have depression and are burning out. Actually you sound a lot like me. One thing you should do, which for people like us is very hard, is to step back from helping all your friends. I don't mean cutting them off completely, but learning to say No and not feel guilty about it. As I learned the hard way, is that you MUST take care of yourself first. Also go talk to your physician or someone you trust. Get some help quickly. A good book to read is "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, it helps you to set up healthy boundaries. Also check out this website on Depression Screening sponsored by the National Mental Health Association.
http://www.depression-screening.org/
2006-12-11 15:22:49 · answer #2 · answered by wolf_lady509 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like stress! U r over extending urself. Ur friends now know that ur the person to come to n they r taking advantage. I don't know what kind of "help" ur talking about but if ur physically doing stuff for them all the time, like homework help, running their errands, giving rides etc.. I would consider stopping. Helping friends with real problems is one thing but going about as their girl Friday is wrong. U mentioned u do for ppl who aren't ur friends. U might want to self-analyze n ask urself why u r letting urself b a doormat. I'm really not trying to b mean here, but u r actually having physical symptoms, ur making urself sick. Doing for ppl is a wonderful thing, but doing it so much that mentally n emotionally it affects u negatively is wrong.
Good luck!
2006-12-11 15:31:22 · answer #3 · answered by •♦๑•TxRose•♦๑• 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It certainly is very giving of you to listen to your friends when they tell you their problems. Doing this can certainly cause you stress and change your mood because of the negative atmosphere you have been involved in. The fact that you cannot stand to listen to your friends anymore (despite the fact I know you want to) indicates that you need to take a break from listening to them, because it is affecting your ability to interact with them and has affected your own mood and outlook on life. You were there for your friends and now they have to understand that you need time for yourself. You should talk to your family doctor or your school counsellor about how you feel and tell either exactly what you have been doing for your friends. Your doctor and your counsellor can help you find ways of helping you. I am sure that your doctor and your counsellor will agree with me that you need to take time for yourself away from listening to your friends all the time. If your friends really are your friends they will give you this time.
2006-12-11 15:22:13 · answer #4 · answered by Albertan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a very caring and giving person.Unfortunatly this can lead to being stressed out ,from taking on everyone elses problems.Sometimes with people like us ,we tend to "put ourselves on the back burner" for to long.Then it generally builds up& by the time we realize it,it is out of hand,& no longer happy.Seek proffesioal help if you must or take time from your friends,so you can recover.Good luck
2006-12-11 15:43:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to take care of yourself. Try this 3 day course... UYO go to indigovillage.com and look up UYO. I do not know where you live but there are courses available in many areas this one is in Encenitas but should have a link. Good luck sweety:)
2006-12-11 15:21:09 · answer #6 · answered by Yuppy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This might be helpful
http://sensitive-psychoworld.blogspot.com/
2006-12-12 12:28:47 · answer #7 · answered by LIz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋