I went on a date two weeks ago with a guy, and he's really great. He's smart, attractive, funny, just great, but there's a tiny problem: he wants us to have sex. Last night we went out again for about the fourth time, and he invited me up to his apartment for a drink (I know, I know, it should have been obvious!), and things got a little too heavy. I kinda just left. It was awkward, and now I don't know what to say to him. He's a fantastic guy, but I don't want to have sex yet. What should I say to him? Help!!! Only serious answers please.
2006-12-11 15:02:10 · 40 answers · asked by jemm4president 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
tell him, listen..i think your great and i hope we can eventualy become a couple. tell him your not the type of girl who has a few dates and jumps into bed with someone...if he cant respect that than he cant respect you...tell him there is no rush that if he's patient and things go smoothly,things will just fall into place. he's going to realize your a classy girl..be proud that he found someone like you,honor your request..and enjoy you for you..not because at the end of a date it means he's going to get a lil
2006-12-11 15:08:34 · answer #1 · answered by dave v 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just honestly tell him you don't want to have sex with him, if you don't. Simple as that. If it's not going to happen, it's unfair to lead him on. And don't give in to make him happy, you will only regret it.
Note that if he breaks it off at this point, it does not mean he was "only after the sex." It just might mean he disagrees with your idea of morals and has no interest in a prolonged chaste relationship with anyone. That's if you're the "saving yourself for marriage" Christian type. For me, that would be an absolute first-date deal-breaker, even though I am not interested in casual sex.
If it is just that you have only known him for two weeks, that is different. Try to make him understand that, but also realize that he has probably had a lot more sex than you have with other girls he's only dated 3 times- so be wary, he might be playing you.
Or is it that you really -do- want to have sex with him, but you feel that you "shouldn't" yet because that would be slutty and you have your "rules" to stick to? If so, no wonder he's confused...
It could even be that he just likes you a lot. Actually I can't think of a situation where I would be comfortable making out with someone, but uncomfortable about having sex with her.
Anyway, there's just not enough information to solve your problem. If you can't talk to him honestly and seriously about stuff like this, forget it. The Internet surely can't help you.
2006-12-11 15:26:59 · answer #2 · answered by randomstupidhandle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good girl. Sex is serious. You definitely did the right thing. He may not think so, but you did. You should probably not let him put you in that situation again. Try going out on more public dates and ending the date there. That way the temptation is not there for him either. You really need to talk to him about it also. Explain to him that your not ready for that kind of move. Tell him why. He'll either understand or he won't and move on. If he is the great guy you say, he will, but you'll both be more comfortable.
2006-12-11 15:07:18 · answer #3 · answered by Ofie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So what he's fantastic? Just tell him right in his face that you don't want to have sex & if he doesn't agree there is only one word to say - SCRAM. A real fantastic guy won't ask ladies for sex, when you two have only met for only 4th time? There are alot of guys out there, don't give up the whole forest because of one tree. =D
2006-12-11 15:10:05 · answer #4 · answered by christina_160706 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him straight up "No way" and if he's a great guy as you are saying he'll understand your position and not try to pressure you to do whatever you don't want. But if he still tries to get you to have sex with him, no matter how great he is, he's not treating you the way you should be treated so you should decide if he's worth the time to have around when he's not even going to understand you and respect your wish.
2006-12-11 15:08:02 · answer #5 · answered by Iileen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him that you think he is a great, smart, funny guy but he was moving a bit too fast for you and you just want to take things slow and get to know each other before getting intimate. If he takes it well then he respects you, if not he isn't worth your time anyway.
2006-12-11 15:08:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him your not ready to have sex with him and if he cant accept that find a man that can. You have only been out with him 4 times just because he put food in your belly doesn't mean you owe him a damn thing. As for going to his apartment for a drink you shouldn't have to assume he's going to try anything with you because there ARE guys out there that wouldn't have.
2006-12-11 15:07:49 · answer #7 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
keep withholding if you want. nothing wrong with that...he will find you more interesting. at least a smart guy would. honestly, I have the opposite problem. women always seem to want sex faster than I do. I like the wait...the anticipation. It also makes it a much nicer breakup if it doesn't work out. if he is a pig though he may seek it elsewhere.
2006-12-11 15:09:26 · answer #8 · answered by keepingitgoing 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not "fantastic" if he's wanting sex with a girl he's only dated twice. Just say no-you're a grown woman, entitled to make decisions! Tell him you don't believe in pre-marital sex. If he's really "fantastic" he'll continue to date you. If he's a user, he won't call again.
2006-12-11 15:05:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without going on another date, first speak to him openly. He needs to know where you stand. If you're not both ready, sex won't be as good as it possibly could, so its best for him if he waits... Sadly, though, a lot of us guys won't want to wait. Stay strong... any girl who gives it up to easily to early is just another story told over a round of drinks. Keep that in mind. If he just won't wait, then what he is telling you is that he has no respect for you, your opinions, or your feelings.
2006-12-11 15:07:24 · answer #10 · answered by John N 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋