OK.. I seriously think my mother in law hates my two year old. I have four kids... 2 girls (8&5) and 2 boys (2&9mo). She absolutly adores my other 3 kids.. and its very obvious. NOW.. When it comes to my 2 year old, she is forever screaming at him. Her whole facial expressions change, the tone in her voice almost gets demonic. Infact, today my 5 year old asked my why grandma is so mean to Brock (my two year old) Now, we are staying with them until the first of January as our house is getting new windows and some work on the foundation done. I dont know what to do. When I try talking to her about it she gets so mad and wont talk to me for a long time (last time it was 2 weeks) and she also treats the rest of my kids bad. Now my two year old is active.. not naughty, but he is two. He is busy... but not bad. PLEASE I need advice because I cant take this anymore. I dont know what to do!
2006-12-11 13:58:53 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
OK Ryans ma.. .What I meant when I said she also treats the rest of my kids bad its when I attempt talking to her about this.. thank you very much.. there is no pity story going on.
2006-12-11 14:14:24 · update #1
Yes this is her blood grandson.
2006-12-11 14:16:59 · update #2
your mother in law, needs anger management courses. !!!! he is a child, if he has done something that bad, she needs to comfort you and not yell at the child. that is not good, neither is the other kids seeing her do this. but have u thought about getting your husband to talk to her, or another family member??? The main thing u want to know is what has a 2 yr old done to make anyone that made. is this her blood grandson??? or a step??? good luck with that hope it all works out
2006-12-11 14:09:56 · answer #1 · answered by snetta1 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well, first off, you have just moved 6 people into your mother in laws house.... 4 of them children. Think about it....
You are no longer in your own home and you absolutely MUST follow her rules. Keep a very close eye on your 2 yr old, on ALL your children. Yes, they can be active, but you still need to run interferance and insist the children mind BEFORE Grandma does. Is this alot of work for you??? YES.
Think about this.... How much stress would you be under if 6 additional people moved into your home and stayed for weeks?
How long would it take before you became grumpy?
Is she doing all the cooking, cleaning, watching the kids???
Are you and your husband helping do ALL the chores? Are you paying her rent?
Good luck,
Cassiopeia
lives with 4 daughters
8 grandchildren (2/2, 3/4, 6, 2/10 yr olds)
and 1 son-in-law
2006-12-12 02:12:00 · answer #2 · answered by Cassiopeia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just a few more weeks and you will be able to move back home. I stayed with my grandpa for a while earlier this year and last year. Things went great for a while, but by the end he seemed too worn out every time he even looked at my active then three year old.
Is there anywhere else you could stay for a while? ... Maybe at least rent a hotel room for a few days around Christmas? If not, then you will just have to make do with what you have. Try to get the kids out of the house as much as you can... Take them to see the pretty Christmas decorations, play at the park if the weather permits, stuff like that. If you are lucky, at least the boys will be so worn out that they will just want to sleep once they get home and stay out of the grandmother's hair.
If this can't be done for some reason, then just try to find something fun for them to do together wherever you have them. Do y'all have your own room there? Maybe y'all could watch movies or color. If you are worried about the floors getting messed up, buy a cheap shower curtain to put down to protect them. Make sure to tell your kids how wonderful their pictures are and how proud of them you are for the good things they do in the day. ... Kinda cancel out any negative vibes they are getting from your mother in law.
2006-12-11 22:09:12 · answer #3 · answered by Michelle 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'd seriously consider moving your family elsewhere whilst your house has the work done. Is your M-I-L always this way or has it just been whilst you have been living with her?
I'm not making excuses for her behaviour (which is deplorable) but maybe she is completely stressed out by having you all staying at her house - it doesn't help that it's so close to Christmas (and that's stressful enough in itself!) It might be that she is more comfortable with the older children as they are more independent and she doesn't take things out on the baby because, well, it's a baby. This only leaves your 2yr old to vent at.
If she is like this all of the time then it's a huge problem and one that needs addressing immediately. Stressed out or not, what she is doing isn't fair. It's making you and your children uncomfortable and it will only be a matter of time before it causes arguments with your husband (who has the unfortunate position of being torn between his mother - who he loves, and his family - who he also loves)
If moving elsewhere isn't an option, I would take the children away from the house and let your husband deal with things (or vice versa) If she still doesn't see sense then I would be tempted to get the camcorder out over the holiday period and film the kids and her interaction with them - particularly the 2yr old (under the guise of getting some footage of the holidays for prosterity) You are bound to catch her behaviour on camera at some point and then you have something completely unbiased to confront her with - if she's any sort of good parent/grandmother then she would be absolutely mortified when confronted with the evidence. She might not realise she has a problem until she sees herself through the eye of a lens.
2006-12-11 22:22:08 · answer #4 · answered by Witchywoo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, dear.
Well, I'm an aunt. And my nieces and nephews have that problem with one of their great-grandmas. The three-year-old boy gets treated like crap, while the 7-year-old girl, the 5-year-old boy, and the brand new 1-month-old girl get treated like they can do no wrong. We don't let her do it anymore.
If another child is noticing, it's gone too far. Most grandparents have a preference for one grandchild over another, but they should NOT show it.
Try talking to her one more time. Can you have someone else point it out to her? A sister, a brother, a neighbor? It's not acceptable. How long has this been going on? His whole life? Since he started potty training? Was there a trigger?
No matter what her reason is, go talk to her one day without the kids around. Your husband has to back you up on this. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you SEE her favoring your other children over him. And not only that, but she is being unnecessarily nasty toward him. Don't let her interrupt you to exclaim innocence. She has to change ASAP or she won't be seeing much of the kids after you move out. If she protests, end the discussion. Tell her you'll talk about it later.
It IS harder because you're living with her right now. There's nobody else you could stay with for a couple weeks? You probably need to find someplace so you can end this abuse as soon as possible. Otherwise you'll have to wait until after you're out to discuss this. But your son does not deserve to be treated that way.
My nieces' and nephews' great-grandma DID get mad when their moms (they're from two families) told her this. She refused to speak to them, even. She said she didn't need any of them. She called a month later to apologize and promise to treat them all equally. I can still see LITTLE differences in how she treats them, but she is NOT nasty to the 3-year-old anymore. But if she had never called to apologize, I would say they're better off without her. Children pick up on things like that. Your other children might start acting like grandma does toward their brother.
Good luck. The only way I know to fix this is find another place to stay, confront her about it, and stand your ground.
2006-12-11 22:15:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, if it is financially doable at all, rent a place to stay. While Brock is too young to take it personally, if your older ones are noticing it, it will shape how they view their grandmother and also the way you handle what they view as mistreatment will leave a lasting impression. You have no choice other than to defend your son when the situation is obviously putting them on the defensive. This will make them see that you are someone whom they can trust to stand up for them. That being said, sometimes it is very tough to deal with a two year old, as they are very curious, and we have to deal with a language barrier. This can be frustrating to mom's, and I would guess to a grandma who is, assumingly, years out of this phase. Gauge how extreme the situation is and act in the best interest of your kids, regardless of how it impacts your finances or relations with your in laws. If nothing else, try to find lots of activities to keep your family out of the house and give Grandma some of her 'space' back, if only for a couple of hours a day.
2006-12-11 22:08:25 · answer #6 · answered by myhugsx5 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe instead of your 5 year old asking you why grandma is mean to Brock, he/she should ask grandma. Maybe that will be the wake up grandma needs. I am a grandmother and cannot imagine what you're describing. Your mother in law is probably overwhelmed by having everyone living with her, but that's no excuse. I've been in that position, both as a mother and a grandmother, and I can't imagine acting the way you're describing. If it's at all possible for your family to get another temporary residence, I suggest you do it. Good luck!
2006-12-11 22:40:14 · answer #7 · answered by dorothy1gale 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It has been said that when a child is 2, those are the terrible twos.
Maybe he is acting a little hyper at this phase. I know my daughter was a handful (still is at 9 lol). Used to get yelled at (and still does lol) all the time. This is the time when he is learning to explore, touch, taste, feel, run, aggravate, tease, and annoy. Your mother in law might not be able to handle this type of stress. She feels that the others are "better children". I do believe that this child will turn into her favorite in a matter of time. Ive seen it happen before. For now, to keep peace, the only advice that I have for you is to remain silent (as long as she isnt physically abusing him) and pray for her and pray for your son not to be affected by negative words. You saying something only makes matters worse. For the kids sake, just pray about it ok? You wont have to deal with it after you move back home. God Bless you and your family.
2006-12-11 22:17:29 · answer #8 · answered by sweetre2 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what does your husband say about this? has he noticed it? if so, can he speak to his mother about the situation and get better results?
did you ever live with your inlaws before? did she treat your 2 year old meanly before you moved in this time?
maybe she isn't used to living with toddlers and it wears on her patience. The others are at ages where they can be reasoned with and the baby is still an infant and doesn't cause issues. my grandmother raised us and now she is really close with my son who is 4 and she remarks all the time about how each year she gets older her patience is less and less and she hates it but she just can't do anything about it.
what does she yell at him for? if you are around do you discipline him like she thinks you should? maybe if you two could sit down and set up some house rules. stop accusing her of being mean to him because that probably just makes her defensive. she loves her grandson i am sure but she is just frustrated with living with a toddler.
start by saying, "i understand that brock can be a handful and i really want to find a way to make our living here a little easier. i was hoping we could set up some house rules and consequences that we can all live by till our house is done."
maybe some rooms should be off limit so they don't get messy. only eat in certain rooms. the children play quietly after a certain time and then in their rooms about an hour before bed so that clean up and calming down can happen for everyone.
no climbing on furniture, no shoes in the house, only sippy cups outside of the kitchen, etc.
you only have a couple more weeks! take care! SD
2006-12-12 00:31:04 · answer #9 · answered by SD 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could just be the age that gets to here. I am very particular about who I will allow my two yearold to son to interact with because he is very independent and very demanding. For people who are not used to or prepared to deal with this type of child, the experience can be frustrating. The best thing to do is to limit the amount of time your 2 year old spends with his grand mother. You will only be living with her for a short period of time. If she keeps the kids during the day, attempt to find play groups or another location for your 2 year old to be with other kids his age. This will alleviate stress for everyone.
Sounds to me like grandma is frustrated with your 2 year old. She is probably used to the older kids behaving and listening, and the baby not yet stretching his wings. And as a mom, you know that raising boys is a different dynamic from raising girls. Your 2 year old deserves to be able to be himself and explore his world without being yelled or screamed at. If you and your husband don't scream at him, you definately should not allow his grandma to scream at him. And similar to the suggestion made by someone else, try having your husband talk to her about it.
2006-12-11 22:35:59 · answer #10 · answered by Meesh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋