A couple of questions I need answered!?

Question

I have been involved with my guy for seven years. I no longer want to marry him, no do I see us having a future. He continues to tell me how much he loves me, yet I know he sleeps with other women on occassion. He will never admit to this, yet i know it is true. My question is............Why do men get involved in relationships, pretending to be faithful. The other aspects of our relationship is good. The lying about the messing around made me do the same. Therefore my other question is........... Can we work things out? I told him no, but he seems to think yes. Or should I throw it away and start over?

Answer 1

When you are getting your needs met in your relationship, most people agree that you are seldom tempted to look elsewhere. The three most primary needs for a woman are affection, understanding and, most of all, respect. A man's three most basic needs are appreciation, acceptance and trust. Love is a given. There are many others, AND when needs do not get fulfilled, some people look for someone else who can fulfill their needs. Mending a broken relationship is never easy and oftentimes unpleasant. The key however is that both parties want the relationship to continue and are willing to work at repairing the damage already done. There are three points that should be addressed in order that the healing and re-bonding process may begin.
* Both parties must decide if you want the relationship mended
* Both parties must be honest and open about the issues
* Both parties must address and deal with the hurt
What's It Worth To You? This is where the decision that will govern the process must be made. Do you both want to continue building a healthy relationship? Will you allow your foolish pride to stop you from reconnecting? These are questions that you must answer as you both decide if pursuing a healthy relationship with this person is worth it. If this is not what you want, then move on with your life. Since relationships are about how we relate to each other the two of you must be involved in this decision to continue. If you wish to continue and you partner doesn't get prepared for lots of headaches, heartaches, and wasted time (done that already). You'll not only lose you're sleep, but you'll also lose some of you self-confidence, self-worth and lots of other things if you're not careful.

Dodging the issue and claiming your innocence when you're guilty does no good for restoring the relationship; neither is pointing finger and always bring up the issue to make the other person feel bad or guilty when you're angry. The point is, if he/she's truly sorry and willing to do thingsdifferently to change, then don't make it worse by mentally beating him/her over the head. Because if you keep that up, you'll end up alone. Be open about what happened asking why it happend, will it happen again and how to keep it from re-occuring by looking at hurt. Emotional hurt is a stored memory of how you felt while the incident that hurt you happened. Everytime you see that person and go back in you mind to the time of that incident, you emotions remind you of exactly how you felt, now you feel hurt all over again. This is how people can feel hurt over an incident that happened 10 years ago. They simply remember what happened and how they felt. If you keep doing this, your relationship will never truly mend. Learn to release the feelings associated with those memories until you can recall them but they don't have the same bitter effect on you. Also, when trust is broken, it does not need to be the end of a relationsip. Much can be learned from staying in a relationship and learning from the conflict situation. This article tells of how two people mended trust when one was unfaithful.

http://www.innerbonding.com/index.lasso?did=content&content.article=235

Answer 2

I think he has his "cheats" for thrills. He likes having you around, that is stability. But you are stable and, unfortunately, familiar. These other women are exciting because it is the thrill of the chase. What is the expression - to have your cake and eat it too.
I would continue to see him and date others. When Mr. Excitement comes into your life, then you can let him go and not have any regrets.

Bide your time and use it to find someone who is more interested in a real relationship with you. You are looking for a hard solution. Just ignore the situation with him and keep your eyes open for dating opportunities with other men you find interesting.

Answer 3

If you no laonger want to marry him and don't see a future with him then you need to move on. And if you both have cheated, you don't love each othere enough to stay together. Why waste any more time in a dead end relationmship. If you want to get married one day and it is not with him then move on. I do not know why guys pretend to be faithful. If you know for sure then leave. Things more than likely will not change. Best thing to do is to move on and try to find someone you want to be with who will be faithful and you will want to marry. Good luck.

Answer 4

14 i'm a guy. i don't think of I even have gossiped on the instant in any respect... Oh wait... I mentioned some thing approximately my around the corner neighbor who i won't stand to my sis's chum after my neighbor smacked her with a telephone and sprayed hairspray in her face. Lol that is spring injury, as quickly as I come again to college that's going to be possibly two times a week...

Answer 5

i'm sure you all can work everything out if that what u all want but just keep this in mind once a cheater always a cheater but the it could always change if u all make changes and go by them and if u want to stay with him tell him if u know for sure that he is cheating on you and u still want to work things out between you 2 then tell him what u all need to work on and if he doesnt want 2 work with you on fixing the realationship let him go because there is always someone out there that will love u for u and will be honest and will have respect for u just try talking to him first tho....

Answer 6

One what is his age, two do you live together. Some men stay with women that maybe taking care of them with money and the other mite stay around because you are his trophy woman and later down the road he thinks it will balance out later with age. Men sometimes suppose negative behavior and until he stepps out of his group he will keep doing it. Friend have alot to do with it.

Answer 7

1. FEAR i guess, men fears losing someone who loves them, they seem to want to hold on to someone who would seem to accept them for who they are, even if for now they are unfaithful...

2. If you would compromise on things and let love, passion and intimacy be the factors for working it out, sure why not?

*by what you said he seems confident you will forgive, accept and continue to love him..

*depends i guess on how willing you are to forgive what he's done and start over.

*if love is a decision, and not a feeling, i guess, u do need to decide how true ur love is to him!

Answer 8

Throw it away girl. There is already lying and cheating by both of you.

Get another guy and learn from this relationship.

Answer 9

Why would you want to work things out? You've already admitted that you don't want to marry him. Sweetie, you already know the answer to this.

Answer 10

i think you should throw it away because he is untrue and that is just how men is they just throw you away like a peice of trash. just remember that it is up to you don't let no man tear you down you are you and let it stay that way.