What is my problem?

Question

I am losing hope in ever getting a girl. I have an anxiety about asking a girl out and have never done it in my life. I can't even start a conversation with a girl, as I have another fear of embarassing myself. I am planning to not ever be with a girl, and I don't really feel like getting rid of my fear. Living alone would be better than embarassing myself. It will take too much effort and too much of my time. I will probably live in Hawaii or something and enjoy my life, alone. I don't know why everyone says it would be bad to do that. Besides, I don't want kids, and I don't want to have to listen to everything my wife, if I had one, wants. I don't know why I have any confidence, as I am tall, well built, and I have been told by a lot of people I'm attractive. I don't know if I ever will get over my anxiety. I might as well give up, seing as I will never ask a girl out. What is my problem, or how can I fix it, if I ever wanted to?

Answer 1

Are you uncomfortable in other social situations? Maybe you need zoloft or something.

Answer 2

First it sounds like you want a girlfriend but then you say that you don't want to listen to what a girlfriend (or wife) wants. I'm lost. There's nothing wrong with living alone. But don't try to meet a girl if you don't care about what they want, or what they have to say. And how old are you, 15? That means you've been able to date for how many years? Some people go into their 20's, 30's, 40's, or even their 50's until they find the right person! Give yourself time to grow and mature. You'll find the confidence you're looking for, if that's what you really want.

Answer 3

Dude, you're delusional.
Your first step, DEFINITELY, is rewiring your whole outlook on life.
If you expect the worst, you're gonna get it.
Perception is a MASSIVE part of why our life is the way it is.
There are millions of examples of this, but just to name one:
If you have a positive self-perception (you believe in your own abilities and attractiveness) and a girl looks at you for a prolonged period of time on the street, your first reaction will most likely be something like "Oh, I bet she thinks I'm cute." or "I bet she's interested in me." If you have a negative self-perception, the exact same encounter might bring thoughts like "I guess my clothes must be weird." or "I bet I have something on my face, how embarrassing."
And THAT may well influence what we decide to do next. If we have a positive reaction to that neutral event, we may decide to go up to the girl and talk, and then either become friends, or even date, or even eventually get married (who knows??). If we have a negative one, we will avoid the situation and nothing will happen, except that we will have reinforced in our own little minds that we still suck.
Big difference, thanks only to our perception.
First thing I see here is your language. You use phrases like "I can't", "too much", "my problem" and it sounds like you don't believe you have any confidence.
Sort that crap out, dude! Of course you can! Why can't you? Who's stopping you? The government? Martians? Your mother? I think that if you think long and hard on it, you'll realize the only person actually stopping you... is yourself.
If you BELIEVE you can't do something... well, then you've already decided. But if you at least acknowledge "Well, I might really suck at it, or not do it well at all, but actually I guess I CAN." then you've made progress. The only person who can limit what you believe is YOU.
Embarrassment is normal. It has a purpose. EVERYONE goes through it. EVERYONE. Even the dude dating the supermodel. Living alone is NOT an option. Well, at least not a healthy one. Human beings are social creatures. It is not psychologically possible to live in isolation and be psychologically and emotionally healthy. There are plenty of studies of people in isolation. The BEST result was a mild form of depression. The worst was various forms of neurosis, paranoia and excessive depression. If that's better than a little TEMPORARY embarrassment, so be it.
So, there ya go. Start with your in-built beliefs and perceptions. Work on that constantly, inside your own head. Allow for possibilities. Tell yourself things you want to believe, even if you don't "feel" like you believe them now. Then, start taking action based on those beliefs. Think of little things you could do that you didn't think you could do before. Just little things. Greet female clerks or cashiers at stores. Make eye contact with strangers on the street. Walk with your head up, chest out. Whatever YOU feel is not too embarrassing, but just at the edge of embarrassment.
Work hard.

Answer 4

I know this is fixable because I've dated guys like you and my boyfriend is that type.
Forced social situations are the best for your anxiety. For example, work or class (if you are in school). You are forced to work with people of the opposite sex and therefore, you will have to talk to them sooner or later. This way you will not have to feel like you are going to embarrass yourself by asking her out or approaching her. Maybe you are approaching her for something work related. Psych yourself out. Then, maybe your work conversations will evolve into just conversation. Then conversation will change into personal conversation, trust or friendship. Just let it evolve to your comfort level. Before you know it, you guys might have feelings for each other.
I look for guys like that and I know there are other girls out there looking for the timid type. Good luck.

Answer 5

i think..you may have start by asking youself what you really want.. but then again, at times i am like you too, would want to hear out possible answers first and then see if anyone mirrors what i actually think deep down!
but honestly.. you are the only one who can answer all that.. if you would only start looking within you and silencing your thoughts, and start accepting who you are then you will know, for sure!

Answer 6

Re-read your post. It's FULL of negativity. You have NOTHING good to say about yourself or anything else. AND you keep confirming that you have anxiety! Do you think that's going to make it better, to keep repeating and CONVINCING yourself of this? You LITERALLY are what you think you are! Think differently, and you will act differently. How could you not? That's how you fix it.

Answer 7

find a perfect girl try me i will love you!