how can i get over my jealousy?

Question

i ma 35 years old, my fiance has a co-worker, who is supposedly gay, but at one point was married, she has told me in meetings he throws paper balls at her, they leave comments for each other on my space, and i am extremly jeoulos of this man, it is starting to cause problems because of my jeoulsy, she says i should meet him and that would put my fears to rest, but i cant, cause im afraid if i seen anything that i precieved is flirting it would cause more problems, please help!

Answer 1

Hi Rick, i know how awful it is to be extremely jealous. And it sucks ! when i was married to my first husband i was so jealous because he gave me reason to be. He would tell me women are always checkin' him out. and he would decide he needed to cheat on me, so he would break up with me and go screw some female and eventually within a few weeks he would come back home. And i stupidly allowed him to do that to me for 14 years. I was miserable. I never knew from one day to the next if he would be coming home from work or if he was gonna go screw around on me again. after14 years of tears and fighting and not trusting anyone, i finally got rid of him. he was literally killing me. I was on valium and heavy pain killers because i had horrific migraines. once he was gone i know longer needed meds. the point is, if you can't trust your fiance then you're in for a long hard road. if she hasn't given you any reason to distrust her then you MUST tamp down that jealousy Rick. If you can't do that , I can promise you, you will lose her. Take her up on her offer. Go meet the guy. Rick, if she had anything to hide she certainly wouldn't be asking you to come and meet him. Sweetie, if this woman that you love and want to be your wife is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with then you have to develope a trust in her that nobody can shake. nobody but her. if she's gonna cheat on you , your being jealous isn't gonna stop her. in fact it may just push her into cheating. so, give her your trust and stop tripping on the guy at work. It doesn't sound like she has anything to hide. trust her til she gives you a reason not to. Good luck.

Answer 2

1. Realize that you can never make anybody do anything they don't want to do. You can't and don't have the control over everything in your life, you just gotta live it. There for, if your fiance wants to be with him and not you, she won't still be with you. once you accept that.....
2. You go and meet this guy with your fiance, you can't guess and assume things in your own head when you are not there to see all the facts. Go with an open mind, if there is flirting going on, you know that it takes two, and maybe you should start thinking if this girl is who you want to spend the rest of life with. Some people don't mind their partner flirting, some people even thinks its healthy as long as they keep it light. You know your limit and you can make the call. Good luck !

Answer 3

TRUST, trust is everything in a relationship. I myself get jealous of anyone, even though I know my guy loves me, It's a normal reaction. I hate it when he talks to other women. My husband is friend's with this drag queen who was in the closet and has a lil boy. It's normal, he was probably in the closet or something. Just tell her how jealous you are, tell her that you are understanding and that it's just in your manly nature to be that way. A little bit of jealousy is hot, too much is hurtful. I think you have every right to be anxious about the situation. But always keep an open mind.

Gay men like penis, they really-really-really think that pussy is completely disgusting. So I doubt that he is into your woman... If he's really gay. WHICH I've had gay friends before and the whole paper ball throwing thing is COMPLETELY normal. They like to be silly and bitchy and wild... You have the wild gay men and then you have the conservative ones... The younger they are the wilder.

Answer 4

You COULD meet the guy and act very confident and intimidating. Be nice for sure, honestly...most gay guys are really fun to be around and act silly like chicks do. Would you be mad if a chick was acting that same way with your fiance? You wouldn't care right... he's gay. AND he's probably not even good looking, you might find lots of things about him that will put your mind at ease. AND he can give her stupid advice like how to blow your mind in bed, i mean he is a guy. It might be fun, I say meet him, it can't get any worse.

Answer 5

Honey, if she wanted him...she wouldn't ask you to meet him. If you're jealous that perhaps she has a better time with him than she does with you, maybe you could try to be a little more playful?

I have gay male friends, and it really IS like having a big, hairy girlfriend. She feels comfortable playing around like that with him, because she KNOWS he's not going to hit on her, or put her in a compromising position. Remember, gay people were stigmatized a LOT more, not so long ago. Many of them did marry. Many of them even had children, so don't let that scare you.

I would meet him if I were you. It would probably really ease your mind.

Answer 6

I have felt the same way. I have been hurt by cheating gf's and have always been really cautious. I did what your fiance is telling you to do and just confront your fear and meet the guy. You probably have nothing to worry about. It's all really about trust and respect. There shouldn't be a problem if you trust and respect your fiance. Maybe this other guy isn't the problem. Good luck.

Answer 7

Damn bro.. you are 10 years my senior. So i cant really tell ya what to do. But in my opinion, at the very least meet this guy. At least then you will have a solid face with the name, instead of letting your mind run wild worrying about this guy. A secure man, who knows what he has, and knows he is doing everything right should have no reason to doubt his fiance's love for him. So as long as you dont have any other reasons to doubt there relationship, i think meeting him would help you out.

Answer 8

The question you need to ask yourself is, how well do you trust your fiance?? Do you really think she would be talking to some guy that was interested in her in a romantic way?? Just remember it takes two. Communication is the most important thing in a relationship, tell her that this guy is making you uncomfortable, and if she cares about you more than she cares about him, she will cut off the relationship. You are more important than this friend of hers, you are her fiance. I would definitely get it worked out before you get married. good luck

Answer 9

Last year, my car broke down for the 100th time. A male friend of mine gave me a ride home (he lives 2 miles away w/ his wife and kids.) My husband (unbeknownst to me) wasn't happy about this. He confided in someone at work that he wondered if I was having an affair w/ this man. (Allow me to assure you I was not.) That someone turned around and told his girlfriend, who then told everyone in the free world. Eventually, this rumor got back to my friend at work's wife. It was awful. I felt ashamed for the trouble my husband had caused...and I did nothing wrong! I still feel weird being around my co-worker...his wife was very upset and it took him weeks to convince her it wasn't true. The moral of the story? Jealousy only gets you into trouble. If your spouse, fiance, girlfriend, or boyfriend is going to cheat on you.....worrying about it won't make it not happen. Actually, it may make someone else a more attractive option. Just my opinion.

Answer 10

Is this woman with you???? Stop worrying and getting antagonistic over nothing. Jealousy is cute for a second and then it isn't cute and pushes the other person away, usually for ever! A lot of gay people were married until they had the nerve to come out...and even if he isn't, so what? You are the one with your Fiance.