I'm 22 and my dad has forbidden me to move out after I graduate. What should I do?

Question

My dad doesn't want me to move out, because he wants me to focus on getting my MBA. Since I have to work for a couple of years in order to get into a good MBA program, there's no way of getting my MBA sooner. I really want my independence and I have always been scared of my father. I've never done anything against my father's wishes, and I'm having a lot of trouble gathering the courage to confront him.

When I first asked him about it, I asked if I could move in with my boyfriend, since I would be splitting half the rent. From this, he forbade me to move and thinks I will get side tracked and forget about advancing my career.

I know I'm 22 and legally am able to do what i want, but I need some advice for daughters who are too scared to confront their fathers.

Please note: He has never hit me, but then again, I have rarely given him reasons to.

My mom is still alive. I'm with her during the weekends. She, too, was too scared to confront my father. She agrees with me, but my father hates her.

Also, I dont want to move out until after I graduate. I already have a good job waiting for me.

Me living with my boyfriend is not at all a religious issue. He is not religious, nor does he think living with someone before marriage is a sin.

Answer 1

Well I know all about scary dads and you just gotta bite the bullet. Part of being an independent adult is making decisions and dealing with the consequences. You can't let fear rule your life. You said he's never hit you, so I don't think he's going to fly off the handle. He thinks that he knows what is best for you, and he knows from experience that he can control you in this way, so in his world, this is a successful way of making sure you do what he wants. If you really want your dad's respect (and no not APPROVAL, respect) and respect for yourself, then you're going to have to face up to him and just tell him your plans and then do them. You can't let someone being mad at you control your decisions. If you do, then you're really not an adult, your just daddy's little girl forever. BE BRAVE!!

Answer 2

Girl, your father sounds very possessive. I would start saving some money and trying to get away. But he is right about your studying and so are you. You need that MBA. But, he has no right to forbid you to move out unless he thinks he has some special hold on you.

Hint: Don't ask him, tell him what you are going to do when you decide but wait until you have found a place to live and packed your belongings. I am getting the feeling that you do not have a mother to help with this or maybe she is being bullied as well.
You can expect him to tell you that he will never help you with anything again, so be prepared for that.
I hope things work out for you.

Answer 3

I doubt that confrontation will change anything if he acts like a control freak. Your father has no right to tell you what to do regarding your academic and personal life. Although he wanted the best for you, your independence shouldn't be compromised especially at your age. It definitely sounds like your father is trying to keep you at home. It has to do nothing with trust if he knew that you'd do the right thing. He can't make the decisions for you, and you were supposed to learn to live on your own. That was the part of college life. If it was not, what is college experience for? Tell him that in the good-bye letter when you move out. On the other hand, moving in with your boyfriend is a huge decision. Because you need to be prepared for unseen troubles down in the road, be careful not to let him get in the way of your goal. I'm speaking from my experience, take my word for it. What you can do is to find a cheap, small place to live on your own. Then you will know what to do for the rest of your life.

Answer 4

That's quite a serious question, and it doesn't have any simple answers.

I notice that you don't mention your mother. Is she alive? If so, perhaps you could ask her to intervene on your behalf.

Your father obviously wants what's best for you...but he's certain that he knows what's best better than you do. Try showing him that you're an adult by talking about the issue with him frankly, respectfully and with a willingness to compromise.

Obviously he sees you as a child needing guidance still; rather than getting angry, try accepting that to some degree and suggest a compromise such as you moving out to live on your own (not with your boyfriend), but visiting home regularly or moving back permanently if your grades slip below a certain average.

Another option - although not one you probably want to hear - is to stay at home, but use your upcoming job to pay your father rent. By paying him for room and board you subtly change your relationship; he may come to see you as a contributing adult, or at the very least more mature than he realized, and you should be able to use your rent as leverage in conversations with him.

Answer 5

Since you are legally an adult, you can do as you please if your father is not paying your bills. I don't know what country you live in, so I don't know if there are cultural reasons why you feel that you must do as he says.

If you are living at home and you want to move, you might be able to have the police accompany you to get your things out of your father's house. They can keep him from doing anything to you at that time.

If he continues to bother you once you have left his home, you could get a restraining order to keep him away from you. Practically speaking, that will not prevent him from contacting you, but you could then call the police if he threatens you.

I am sure it is difficult to go against his wishes, but you should do what you can to gain your independence so that you do not end up living your life the way HE wants for the rest of your life.

Good luck!!

Answer 6

Let him know youre not a child, you need to do what YOU think is right. Before you move in with your bf realize what your father wants, if something happens with you and your bf, you dont want your dad to say "told you so" your dad just wants to help you out, then again, you need to live your life.
Sit him down and have a chat with him, tell him all what your thinking, let him know you love him and want to make him happy, then again, you need to live your life and even if it is taking alittle more time getting your MBA, at least youre living your life. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 7

Love and intimidation isnt the same thing. You are an adult and need to act like one. you don't need his permission to move, just do it if that is what you want and you are ready not only mentally but financially. No dad wants to see his daughter have to beg or be dependent. I'm sure his heart is in the right place. We are living in troubled times and sometimes that need to protect our family becomes stronger than common sense.

Answer 8

You should sit him down with a nice cup tea and discuss this. Perhaps he fears you moving out that you will lose touch. Heck who knows you might move out and not fancy it and want to move back in, there are more and more adult children choosing to leave at home with their parents , in till they are more finical stable.

As someone said perhaps you can start paying rent.

If you want to move out then just go for it if your father does not listen to reason. If your fearfully then have your boyfriend or another person there when your collecting your things.

Answer 9

He has no control over you and he can not tell you what you can and can't do anymore, so basically you can just say I am moving in with my boyfriend. And if he does anything to stop you just keep trying to move out and never give up.

Answer 10

If my daughter said she was going to move in with her boyfriend, I'd forbid it too!

Come on! Think about it! You totally blew it when you asked him. Instead of saying you wanted to get a place of your own you told him you were going to move in with your boyfriend? What were you thinking?

What did you think your father would say? Go live in sin, you have my blessing?