What is so wrong with doing things differently?

Question

A lot of people disagree with women having children while they are in their late teens (18/19) and early 20's. Why? If the woman can take care of a child financially, emotionally, and physically, why shouldn't she? I don't know how many people have told me that my life is ruined because I had my children while I was young. If you aren't the party-type, what are you really missing out on? As far as traveling, not everyone likes to travel. Is there any reason a woman should feel the need to wait to have children if having a family is what she wants more than anything else?

Answer 1

You are gonna get riped up for this. But I must say I AGREE!! Having my daughter was the greatest thing in the world for me. I have been a stay at home mom (SAHM) for 8 years and I love it. I don't think I lost out on anything.

Answer 2

Ok. I can tell you of both the positives and negatives. First of all, I had my first child, married, and at 19 years old. I had many complications after (getting preg again) and did not have my second child until I was 30 and my third child at 35. It was much easier emotionally and with patience to have my children after the age of 30...however, it was physically easier at 19. Also, I am more "paranoid" as a parent after 30....as opposed to being more "lax" in my 20's as a parent. (Not sure if that is good or bad, lol. My daughter survived it though!) I can say I do like the fact that from a monetary perspective it is much easier after 30 also because I don't have to budget "school lunch money and field trips, etc." like I had to when I was young, for my kids, because we earn more money now and have a more financial responsibility and investments, etc. The only downsides of children after 30 (I believe) is that I'm still in the pta, teacher meeting and saturday sports events that most of my peers are no longer so hubby and I are still at the "babysitter" stages. (whereas other friends are in their early 40's too and can go off on weekend aways with no kids cuz they are all in college.)....so it's actually a blend of both. Overall, however, I want to honestly say it is easier to have children after 28-30. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

Well first off, do not put in a class with everyone else. I had my first daughter 2 weeks before my 19th birthday. I was in college and married. That marriage didn't last long but I remarried and my second daughter exactly 3 years later and daughter number 3 came along 3 years after #2 . They were grown and out of the house by the time I was 42 and my husband and I started taking cruises and vacations all over. We had 2 1/2 years alone and thoroughly enjoyed them but then our youngest daughter left us with her 3 month old son. 7 months later she had a premature daughter that we also were left with. They are now 3 and 2 years old.

If we had not had our own children at the ages we did there is no telling what would have happened to these two wonderful grandchildren that we are raising. We are still in our 40's and raising two toddlers. I could not imagine doing this in my 60's.

One other thing, at my 6 week checkup after having my youngest daughter, I was diagnosed with malignant cancer. It was then decided that I could never have any more children and I had to have 16 major surgeries in the following 4 years. So had I waited like everyone said I should I would never have been able to have children.

You do what you feel is best for you. No one else knows you like you do. People always want to offer their opinion but they don't want to hear yours.

Answer 4

I had my first at 19, and my second will be at 21. I got pregnant on my honeymoon... my husband and I had been engaged for 2 years prior, and together for 2 years before that... People should mind their own business! It is completely up to the individual when they want to have their babies! I totally agree.. I'm not a huge partier.. I didnt mind being pregnant right after turning 21, and I would much prefer to travel when I am in my late 30's, because my kids will be 18 and 20, and I will be more free than other late 30-early 40 year olds to do what I want. Life doesnt end at 40!!

Answer 5

It used to be considered normal to get married young and start families. My mom was 18 and my dad 23 when they got married and she got pregnant with my brother 3 months later. He was born 6 days before their first anniversary. They have been married for 46 years (47 in May). Not everyone is immature at those ages, and not all teens or early 20's marriages end in divorce. Also I am the youngest of 4 kids and my mom was 28 when I was born, so by the time she was 48 we were all grown

Answer 6

I agree with you. If you are financially stable, in a stable relationship, and appear to be otherwise emotionally capable, then no problem. My mother was 19 when she my oldest sibling and we all turned out fine. Not only that, it meant that my mother and father were still relatively young when we went off to college and when their first grandchildren were born.

However, most women are NOT really ready for motherhood at that age. Many have misconceptions about the work and the difficulties involved. Many do come to resent the child when their friends are going out to parties and they are stuck at home. I think conventional wisdom is correct most of the time, not all of the time, but most of the time.

If people give you grief about it, point out that you have thought about it seriously and have decided you are ready, perhaps pointing out the benefits of being younger. If they see you approached this from a mature point of view, they should leave you alone. If they don't, nothing you say will change their mind.

Answer 7

I had a planned pregnancy with my daughter and I was 20 years old. Was/Is it hard? YES! Do I regret it? NOT FOR A MINUTE! I am now 28 and have had 3 children. The youngest being 10 months. I could not imagine just beginning to have my kids now. I am glad that part of my life is over (the pregnant/delivering part!). I am still young enough to enjoy them and keep up with them! But also I will still be young enough to have my time when they are grown.
I dont disagree with waiting either though. I know plenty of couples that are older than my husband and myself that are just starting their families. What works for some people doesnt work for others.

Answer 8

No. I got married when I was 20 had my daughter when I was 21 and my son at 23. As far as I'm concerned the older women who tell younger women to wait because they did may have ulterior motives. Some people mature sooner then others and don't need to wait until their late 20's or 30's to settle down. There's no reason why those who felt the need to wait so they could travel or party should try to force others to do the same. Maybe they're jealous. Who knows...

Answer 9

I totally agree with you, as long as she can support them and take care of all their needs then she should do what she wants. I had my first child when i was 22. I don't like to party and have a great career and and am currently engaged to be married. so having children young doesn't get in the way of anything you want in life. they are an added bonus and don't let anyone tell you that you have ruined your life by having kids. kids are our future and there is nothing better than having a mop of curly blond hair say mama for the first time.

Answer 10

I'm sorry I know I don't really qualify for this question because my daughter wasn't planned but I have to respond to the person who implied you can't attend school and raise a child at the same time. I have an 18 month old daughter and her father and I both attend college full-time. And then her father works full-time for a company who hired him even though he's only a junior in college with the understanding that he will eventually be one of their main engineers when he gets his degree. I also manage a nice tidy stock portfolio. We live off of those earning and attend college on savings. It's not easy but what about any type of parenting is easy? Just because you have a child doesn't mean that you're no longer able to grow academically...and just because you haven't finished college doesn't mean that you can't be a good parent.

Answer 11

I'm not judging anyone here, but I don't think teenagers should be getting pregnant. Early 20's are more reasonable. The thing I don't understand is, why do people want kids so damn early in the marriage? Or even BEFORE the marriage? That means less time alone together, right? Well, I was also told by my health teacher that women who give birth in their late teens are likely to develop cervical cancer...but I don't know.