What do I do when she won't stop crying for 2 hours strait after being disciplined???

Question

My two year old is tenacious to say the least. I punish or or discipline her for things she does wrong or things that are mean. She cries uncontrollably for hours. She takes herself so far she almost throws up. I am not against spankings, but she screams worse if I try that, and for longer. My issue is...I have a 1 year old girl as well...I don't want her to think that's ok. No matter what I say..."come sit by mommy" or "its ok" nothing works...the screaming persists. I am getting to the point where ppl come by and think I'm neglecting her b/c I don't run to her. I have a 6 yr old, 2 yr old, and 1 yr old...I can't run to her for little things like she was mad that she had to share and decided to scream for 3 hours. I've thrown my hands in the air! WHAT CAN I DO????

I have definitely tried that "taking her in her room option" no decline in tears...I also tried ignoring ... screams until foam comes out...omg what will i do????

By the way for example...This weekend, the baby turned One...The two yr old, reached on the stove and took a handful of cake, was sent to her room...She came out...the cake was on the dining room table. she took a comb and stuck it in the cake...she was sent to time out. We sang happy birthday...She blew out the babies candle. I have my hands full!

Answer 1

You have to ignore her,pandering to her is what she is after, she feels she is lacking attention that is why she is seeking it via this type of behaviour.
Maybe getting her more involved in the daily routine by giving her things to do might help...
Without fully understanding what the home enviroment is like it is hard to really give sound solutions only advice from our own experiences in bringing up children..♥

Answer 2

I have a two year old and I'd be the first in line to tell you this is a tough age to deal with. My child screams for a long while too.. but this is what I do when she needs discipline.

I do the Supernanny thing but it works. There is a chair she is to sit on, for 2 whole minutes. After the time is up, I tell her to come here.. she must say she is sorry and I give her a hug, tell her I love her and tell her why she was in time out.

I don't know what I would have done about the cake.. probably though you punished her more so because you were mad. Kids this age don't understand it all.. you know? She saw something and she wanted it.. she doesn't quite have the reasoning we do as adults.

I know you have your hands full.. be sure to take a step back before you discipline, take a deep breath and try to remain a bit more calm. Course I am saying this but it is very tough to do... it happens to me daily. I have a 9 yr old so I have BTDT and this age is about to send me to the funny farm.

When my toddler wants to scream, whine and cry without telling me what the problem is (and this happens everyday!) I tell her if she can't tell me what's wrong.. she needs to go to her room to cry because I don't want to hear it. she knows I mean this too.. so most of the time I tell her she must go to her room,. she buttons it right up and moves on... til the next time.

good luck! I know it's tough..

Answer 3

Looks like you've gotten some good advice. I'd like to reiterate some of the good points: You need to set your children up for success, not failure. It can seem tedious, but hey, isn't most of life? Coach your child with the proper behavior. This includes role playing situations and offering rewards for good behavior and withdrawel of rewards for inappropriate behavior. Rewards need to be specific to the child as we all have our own love language and needs to be something that she won't satiate over. For example, money is not a good reward. Toys are not good rewards, but special time with Mommy is a good reward. She can never get enough, doesn't cost you, and there is ample supply. Prevention is key. Our boys never tantrumed, we had terrific two's instead of the proverbial terrible two's. We aren't perfect parents, but we did take a course in parenting and had good coaches along the way. Be consistent in your language. Don't be her friend, be her mentor. This involves teaching and loving and accepting. A friend is just a fun person to hang around. Accept that parenting is hard and that you will fail in some areas, but strive to be better than you were yesterday. Don't be a reactive parent, be proactive. I get myself in trouble all the time by reacting to what my children have done. Rather, take a minute, calm down, coach yourself on what to do and then respond. Problem solve with your daughter. Let her decide some of the punishments she receives. You'll be surprised, sometimes she will choose more than you had considered. If she takes ownership of her behavior, she will more likely choose appropriate. Last and most important: Love her. Love her with words and actions. Even when she sticks her hand in the cake. Take her hand and wipe the cake on her face and then make her wash it off. Have fun! ok, that last bit was silly, but you get the idea. Don't be so stressed out.

Answer 4

You must absolutely I G N O R E her and she needs to see you do it. Do not include the other children in this ignoring, this is between you and her only. She is the middle child and middle children are special and different. They aren't the pride and joy oldest and they aren't the pride and joy baby and they sometimes don't like it at all.

As soon as she starts this behavior tell her you love her...once and then do not speak to or look at her until she stops. She wants attention and her becoming a negative attention junkie is not something you want for her. Be certain she is getting an equal amount of attention as the other children. Maybe when the baby is napping and the older child is at school you could spend one on one time with her to read or play a game together even laying with her for nap time is "special" and something she can look forward to.

My brother did this behavior and my mother said her pediatrician said "he will stop when he is hungry" and advised to not use food to get him to stop. My son, an only child, went through a phase and the Doc was right. My mothers other comment was "You aren't really going to let a two year old over power you?"

Most of all remain calm...or she will quickly learn what button to push to get you going. Take a deep breath and say..."I'm the mom!"

Answer 5

I agree with you on the hitting policy. I would suggest that you don't get relaxed on your discipling. What I tried with my older one is when she would literally throw herself I would sit behind her and hold her so she wouldn't hurt herself. After a while I started sitting her in time out. The time was dictated by her age 1 minute for every year. Now some time I, I know this is going to sound wrong to do to some people but it worked for me. I would sometimes feel like something was off like she was just throwing a tantrum to get a reaction out of me so I would just ignore her, turn my head the other way and then she would throw the tantrum where I was looking and I would turn around again or even leave the room. Now at first the last one took a little while before when would stop but it did work. After she was done with the tantrum though I did tell her that I did not like the way she was acting and I was not going to tolerate it. Now when non of these worked I would count backwards from 5 and when we would reach one I would either spank her little bottom or clasp my hand around hers and cup my other hand and hit my own hand like a clap with her hand in the center. That one really works because she learned about the count down and now when nothing else works on her the count down still does. I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me, but people raise their children different ways and this is the way I chose to raise mine.

Answer 6

what do you mean by punish? Do you yell and scream? Put her in time out? Slap her hand or swat her bottom?

Please realize that two year olds don't have the same perspective on the world that adults have. You say things are wrong or mean, but you have to teach her those things kindly first, before you can 'punish' someone for doing something wrong. Two year olds are still learning, and what you're teaching her is that if someone does something you don't like, you can 'punish' them. She probably has no idea why she's being punished, because even if you tell her once, twice or ten times, two year olds need about a hundred times of loving correction to understand.

Things that worked for your six year old might not work for her because she's a different person and has a different personality. My seven yo I could always admonish gently, anything would bring her to tears. My six yo needed to be put out of play for a little bit. But two is very young and the very beginning of understanding.

Good luck

Answer 7

You didn't say how you discipline her?? Disciplining toddlers is not easy. And you won't always feel good about how you handled a situation. It's important to recognize that you are human. Toddlers are just learning about the world around them. Parents often set overly high expectations for their toddlers. They expect them to show impulse control, which they lack by nature. They expect them to sit still for long periods of time. They expect them to remember the rules and regulations. Toddlers need constant reminders of the rules.

With the tantrum you will have to let her cry it out and stick to your rules. The hardest time will be the first time you refuse to give in. She has learned that if she persists, she will get her own way. You have to be consistent. Follow through, no matter what, if you say that there will be a consequence for mis-behaving so that she does not learn to manipulate you. If you change your mind after she starts crying, and suggest that she comes and sits by you, you are encouraging her to scream even more in the future.

These links have a great deal of very good information.

Answer 8

Maybe knowing a little bit about what she is doing wrong and how you are dealing with it would help us make some suggestions.


ETA:
As for your examples.....she's two. She doesn't know any better. Like most 2 year olds, she's impulse driven. Most of what you said sounds like a pretty normal 2 year old. Instead of spending so much time punishing her, try to spend more time coaching her about what proper behavior is and praising her when she does well. If she does something wrong, talk about how she could do better next time. Have her help to fix whatever she did wrong if possible.

Answer 9

It really does sound like you have your hands full. Even though she screams uncontrollably, and it's very frustrating, she is most likely doing it to get your attention. Even though it is difficult, try to ignore her. When she realizes that she won't get any attention from you as long as she is throwing her tantrum, she will most likely stop. You aren't neglecting her by ignoring unacceptable behavior. Your baby will see that tantrums get no attention from mommy, and she will learn by example that kind of behavior is unacceptable. Telling her that it's okay when she cries over being disceplined only encourages the behavior that warranted the punishment to continue. It is most likely a phase, and it will get better. Have hope, this too shall pass. Good luck to you.

Answer 10

It sounds to me like you're being overbearing. The child just wanted some cake, as children tend to do. By denying her, furthermore PUNISHING her, you're creating a scene and causing her to act out. She may not want to "come sit by mommy". Sometimes she may want to play with her toys or some other fun thing. She's a kid - let kids be themselves. Also, because she is a middle child, she will grow up poorly-adjusted, as it is. She surely does not need you to be controlling and manipulative on top of it.

Answer 11

Ignore her. My 3 yr. old does this. I don't care if he carries on as long as he is in his room. Then I go about my business. He realizes his crying is doing no good and he stops. His tantrums have become less frequent and they don't last nearly as long as they used to. He used to get to the point where he would gag like he was going to throw up. I informed him that if he did he would clean it up. They may be young but they know how to manipulate.

The person who said she is too young to understand is way off the mark. Kids are smart. They do understand. She knew it was wrong to put a comb in the cake. She is testing you. She is trying to see what she can get away with. That is normal 2 yr. old behavior. It is normal to test the boundaries. She wants to see how much power she has over you. Normal. But once she has been told then she knows. I always explain to my kids why they aren't supposed to do something. If it happens again then they are given consequences. Plain and simple. If you coddle her it will only get worse and she will have all the control.