i really really don't want or need a kid right now
2006-12-11 10:28:34 · 53 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You can't convince her to have an abortion. It is her choice ultimately...and if she is not willing to kill the baby, then dont try and make her. There are other alternatives if you are both in agreement that you can't care for a kid. As for the "don't want a kid" part...you accepted the risk when you had sex with her. Now it is time to own up to your responsibility.
2006-12-11 10:33:11 · answer #1 · answered by Kim 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh boy.
I'm not going to lecture on contraception, but you understand how screwed up this situation is?
If you think you're mature enough to have sex, then you must also be mature enough to look after a child.
It's her body, her decision. I understand you must be scared- emotionally, financially etc. But you created this situation.
Right now, your girlfriend needs support. Let her know you love for her, how you feel, how you're not ready but make sure she understand's that you will be there for both of them and will not blame her for the decision she makes.
If you pressure her into a wrong decision- she will have to carry that around with her for every single day of the rest of her life.
Abortion isn't the only answer. There are many people out there who would love the opportunity you are willing to throw away. Maybe she would consider adoption, long-term or a temporary arrangement till you both get on your feet.
Right now, having a baby seems like it sucks. But if in 40 years you were childless and found out you could never have children, you would sell your soul for this opportunity. This is a son or a daughter you and your partner have created. 'Want' or 'need' doesn't enter the situation.
Let your girlfriend make the decision. Stand by her. Be a man. I don't even want to imagine the long term trauma you will both suffer by a bad decision right now.
Wish you the best- but please... do the right thing.
2006-12-11 10:38:33 · answer #2 · answered by midsojo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having a kid is not an inconvenience and this is something you should have considered before sleeping together. No matter, how much protection you use there is always the possibility of a pregnancy.
This child deserves to live and shouldn't have to die because you are not ready and don't want a kid to complicate your life right now.
It is time to grow up and take care of your responsibilities. Especially, you were ready to have sex, you were old enough to make that choice knowing this was a possibility and you decided you were prepared to go for it anyway. Now you must do what is right. Not for you and not for your girlfriend. But for the life of your child. You need to do what is right for the life you have created.
Sorry for being so harsh but I can tell you from experience decisions and choices you make in your lifetime will effect you in years to come. Don't do something today you will be very sorry for when you get older.
This child is a gift and a blessing. There are no mistakes. You are suppose to have this child and deal with the responsibilities.
Hope this helps
2006-12-11 10:37:04 · answer #3 · answered by karaborr 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As much as you want your girlfriend to have an abortion it's her decision as well. You can talk to her and give your opinions on why you can't afford to have a child right now. No offense, but I'm totally against abortion and not sure how your girlfriend is going to respond to that. Also, you two should have used protection before having sex. Either a condom for you or your girlfriend could have gotten on birth control and usually if you go to Planned Parenthood they'll give it to you for free due to low income and it's totally confidential so that her parents or your parents wouldn't be able to find out.
2006-12-11 10:34:19 · answer #4 · answered by Bobcat9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously, she won't be doing it against her will. Sorry to say, but if she is dead-set on keeping it, there's not a whole lot you can do other than talk to her about it.
I don't know your ages, but there is plenty of time to have kids if you are young, and if you are "too young", she will be setting herself up for a VERY HARD life.
A friend of mine got pregnant when she was 21. The father is absent, she doesn't have an education, and without an education it is very hard to get a job that pays a decent (survivable) wage.
Most places in this country require 2 incomes per household to keep up with the generalized standard of living. If she keeps the kid, she will have very much difficulty finding time to earn a living, get an education, spend time with a growing needy child, and have time for herself or you.
It is rare nowadays for people to plan families, but it really pays off. If she gets an education first, she will make more money which means she will be able to support her child no matter what happens between you 2.
Seriously, Pro-Lifers will flame you for asking this, but I believe it is socially irresponsible to bring yet another child into the world who has unwed parents, one (or probably both) of which is not ready to raise a family. Plus, You two will have a better chance of staying together if having a baby is a mutual decision.
Let her know that you are not trying to force your will on her, but she should not force her will on you by not letting you be a part of the decision. Her decision ( and it really is purely hers ) will effect the rest of your life. Make sure she knows that.
Does she want to be a single mom? Don't threaten her, but call her attention to the fact that you two are not married and therefore have not made a lifetime commitment to eachother. If it is the truth, tell her that you want to get married SOMEDAY and want to have a real, planned family when the time is right for BOTH of you. The baby will be happier with stability.
And for God's sake, use birth control until then.
PS) To all the pro-life you-made-your-bed now-sleep-in-it people out there:
A child is not and never should be a punishment. No wonder there are so many screwed up mentally unstable people from broken homes destined to a life on prozac in this country.
It feels great to live knowing you are unwanted. Really.
2006-12-11 10:43:48 · answer #5 · answered by amber ɹəqɯɐ 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
To let you know where I'm coming from, I'm a pro-choice father of a 3-month-old boy. That being said, you can't talk her into it. I'm not going to lecture anybody... but you had options, you weighed them (even if it was in a sex-crazed stupor), and you chose the one that led you to where you are.
If you kill somebody, you can't unkill them to avoid a life sentence. You've knocked somebody up, and now you will probably be a father. It's that simple. You can TRY to talk her into an abortion, but there is no trick verbage you can use, and no amount of coaxing. A baby is priceless to a mother who wants one. Just try to have a good attitude about it and be a great father with lots of love for your baby. It's the beginning of a great adventure. Congratulations.
2006-12-11 10:40:36 · answer #6 · answered by Mickey Mouse Spears 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether or not you need a kid right now is beside the point. After all, pregnancy is very preventable. Now, it is her decision not yours. It is her body and you will just have to live with the consequences of your actions. You gave up your right to choose when you had sex without ensuring that a pregnancy wouldn't develop. Harsh but the way it is. I'm sorry that the two of you have to learn about this the hard way. I hope that your child, if born, is not affected by your regrets.
2006-12-11 10:35:00 · answer #7 · answered by chicagowoman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't try to talk her into having an abortion. If you are not ready to have one then, let her raise it as a single parent and she will end up with someone who is ready for that commitment to raise your child. If you were not ready, then you all should have had protected sex. This child could end up being the person to find a cure for cancer. Who knows! Don't you want to see what he/she will look like or act like? It sounds like you may be a little selfish and don't want to grow up. I really hope you don't pressure her too much with this issue and I hope two will work it out. Be blessed.
2006-12-11 10:42:09 · answer #8 · answered by shonn 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off I hate to say this but either way you cant and shouldn't talk anyone into doing anything.If you do and she later feels she was pressured and regrets what choice was made she will want to blame you forever. Lets face it even regardless if you stay together you don't want to feel like you made someones mind up for them and it wasn't what they wanted.
Your best bet is to come up with a list of all the pro's and con's of the situation and help her to make the right choice for everyone.If you stay calm, support her the best you can and try to ease the tension and show that you care for her she will think more rationally and make the right decision.
2006-12-11 10:38:44 · answer #9 · answered by vmaxer85 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't try to talk her into anything! If you're not wanting or needing a kid right now, you should have used better protection, or just abstained! If she WANTS to have an abortion, that's her prerogative, but you shouldn't push the issue. You should grow up and take care of your responsibilities.
2006-12-11 10:32:02 · answer #10 · answered by connorsmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋