My husband will do things I ask of him but that’s all. It’s almost like I’m his mother. He will let the laundry pile up and won’t take it upon himself to do it eventhough he doesn’t have any clean socks.
Am I living in a fantasy world where I expect my husband to be pro-active?
2006-12-11 10:25:58 · 9 answers · asked by Summer 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Some people simply don't care about that type of stuff...sit down and talk to him about it...see if you two can split the household chores and make a schedule of when they are to be done...
You both live there, you should both be responsible for the everyday upkeep of the home...
2006-12-11 10:28:56 · answer #1 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has always been like this you may not have a choice. If he was not always like this then you have obviously created an expection in him that you will do the work.
Try first by talking to him and setting up a schedule. Come to an agreement that works for both of you. If he tends to forget you can create a chart that shows a rotation or breakdown of responsibilities. Also, remember to show your appreciation for the work he does do.
If this doesn't work you can try only washing your own clothes. Let him live with dirty socks. Eventually he'll have to break down and do something about it.
2006-12-11 18:41:09 · answer #2 · answered by sassy sue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister and I both have the same problems with our fiances. She still hasn't been able to get hers to lift a finger. I guess people won't change unless they really want to. However, I just can't live with a messy person; I am a neat freak. Once I told my fiance that I couldn't take it, that I wasn't going to live the rest of my life in filth, and if he wasn't going to change, I was leaving. Well, after that, he did change...very slightly. I still have to get on him about doing the major cleaning, but he does keep the apartment somewhat picked up with just the occasional reminder. Sometimes we do what I call "speed cleans" in which we will pick things up or do simple tasks as fast as we can for 10 or 15 minutes. Since it doesn't take too long, he will usually go along with it if I agree to let him play his video games or do whatever he wants afterwards. It's not exactly the way I want it, but it's definitely a step in the right direction.
2006-12-11 18:35:44 · answer #3 · answered by Persephone 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to a normal marriage! Mine was that way too. 30 years! Then my cooking got pretty bad, I let the laundry pile up, I didn't put gas in the car... He finally got the message. But hey, don't wait 30 years. What you could do is leave him a "Honey Do List"! And then go shopping. Or settle hints, like putting all the laundry in his favorite chair and going shopping. Dirty dishes in his chair will really lighten his day!!! lol But remember this, no one , but no one does the job the same as you. So if you leave him to handle these things, be prepared to accept the outcome. Oh, if you have some really special things that need extra care during laundering, hide them and do them later. lol Good Luck!
2006-12-11 18:37:04 · answer #4 · answered by Alterfemego 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the problem with mum's last husband, mum was always working and he NEVER lifted a finger to help me clean the house. So mum and I took action one afternoon and asked him what he WOULD do around the house and made a chore roster saying that he had to take the rubbish out this day and the dishes this day, everyone did their own washing and saturday we all helped clean the house before the social BBQ for lunch. In the end it worked out fine. Hope this helps
2006-12-11 18:40:24 · answer #5 · answered by Lion at heart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes and no ... My husband used to be really bad, he finally realized how much I did around the house and is now doing dishes and helping with the kids, but it took a long time. There's actually a lot of help he needs still. :) Keep on him, he may come around. I know you feel like your nagging all the time but do what I did .. withhold sex until he starts helping out! :)
2006-12-11 18:44:58 · answer #6 · answered by luvlily00 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may start an arguement between you two, but if it were me I would take his dirty laundry stick it all into a clear garbage bag and tell him he needs to take the trash out. Maybe he will get the hint. If not the next step would be you taking his garbage out and actually throwing it into the dumpster. After his clothes are gone and nothing to wear hopefully this will wake him up that your fed up with his crap.
2006-12-11 19:17:52 · answer #7 · answered by roseygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it depends on whether or not both of you hold down jobs. If you both work, then household duties should be shared, of course. If he works outside the home, and you're a stay-at-home-mom, then he can rightfully expect you to take care of things at home. That's my situation, and I am resentful of doing EVERYTHING at home sometimes, but then I remember that I get to stay home and take care of my baby, and not work a crappy job somewhere, so I realize it's not that bad...
2006-12-11 18:44:08 · answer #8 · answered by connorsmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is really hard specially when he has been relying on you for so long. He wont think for himself because he knows that you are there to pick up after him, i know this is sad but its true, my partner use to be a bachlor and did everythink for himself now after 2 years of been together he has just forgotten how to cook, do his washing, the dishes everythink, I dont know if there is anythink that we can do but just nag at them to help cause they still wont get it into them that it would be nice for us ladies to just sit down and do a crossword or have a cuppa tea and settle down too. They think that just because they been hard at work that we need to look after them, but i dont agree with that at all but if you find an anwer can you email me plz........
2006-12-11 18:33:24 · answer #9 · answered by Bex 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋