People pleeeeaaasee!!!! There must be a help!!!?

Question

I was with a guy, i love him more than my ex boyfriend, which was always nice to me and would never hurt me, even if i started to kick him or whatever.Then we broke up, after 6 years(so i am capable of having a normal relationship) and i met my now ex too.We were together a year, but i left, because he wouldnt let me go on the street on my own, would argue with me for hours if i sent message to my friend (girl) and generally controled me too much.I love him,i really fell for him, and would like to be with him, but not the way he is.how can i make him less controling?how can i make him see he cant do this to someone who he loves?i know he does, a lot, so why does he doing this to me?i explaind him many times, he is the one for me, but he cant do this things.i want him to be as sweet as he is when we were alone, then he was more than wonderfull.cute, sweet, loving.then we went on the street, some guy looked at me and i got scared, because it made him furious.can someone like this change?

As i said, i really would like to stay with him, because I love him so much. but he makes me so unhappy, he thinks, that that is real love to be with someone 24-7, and it is ok not to work, or to spend time with friends, and it is not right.i just want him to stop that, so we can enjoy life together. Do you know someone with this problem, has that person changed? what did help? and please keep some rude coments about him for yourself.

He is not loser, he is not jerk, he just has very bad problem, which he didnt choose!!!! he didnt have the best childhood,and it influenced him. there must be a help for him, i dont want diferent man, i wont him!!! im gona have some orange juice...i hope i will drown in it :-/

Answer 1

You can't make him less controlling. You can't make choices for someone else, only for yourself. He's already made it plain to you what kind of person he is, and you plainly don't want to be with someone like that, so what are you hanging around for? You're waiting for the world to match your fantasies. That isn't going to happen. You need to accept it for what it is and get out of there while you still can.

People are telling you frankly that he's not a good person, and you're complaining that they're making "rude comments" about him. That's the whole crux of your problem--you don't want to face the truth. You can wish and wish and wish that things were different, but that ain't gonna make it so.

Answer 2

He has issues that you will never be able to change. He also has a very high likelihood of phsyically abusing you, which no amount of love can justify. Don't stay with him. I can't imagine being so in love with an abusive man that I'd be willing to put up with his crap. He will not, cannot change, and yet insists upon you humoring him? A relationship is a two-way street- you give, he gives. He can't be allowed to just take, take, take. That is wrong. Walk away before he beats you down into nothing, robs you of what's left of your self-esteem, and destroys that sweet compassion that you have for others. He needs a therapist, not a girlfriend. You are worth way more than that, girl! Otherwise, he should be paying you whatever a PhD charges.

Answer 3

I see you've posted this same basic question a number of times, and you keep getting the same answers. I guess you're going to keep posting it until you get the answer you want to hear, but honey, it's not going to happen. I know you really, really don't want to hear it, but you need to get out. You can't fix this.

Yes, he has a very bad problem. And it might be true that he didn't choose it. But YOU CAN choose whether to live with this problem or not. So why are you choosing to be abused?

It is possible that with counseling he could eventually change. But he's not talking about counseling, is he? You're talking about fixing him, he's not talking about fixing himself (other than, I'm sure, regular promises to "be better" that never amount to anything). He hasn't taken advantage of the chance for counseling yet, because he's not really looking to change.

There might come a point in his life where he realizes he needs it and seeks help, but you need to realize that as long as he has you IT WON'T HAPPEN. I know you think that if you just love him enough he will change, but exactly the opposite is true. You're there to take his crap, you're there to protect him, you're there to make excuses for him... by staying with him you're just enabling his behavior. And it's only going to get worse.

I don't know if he'll ever get counseling, but you can and should get some for yourself immediately. You need to understand why you're allowing yourself to be abused this way.

Answer 4

You already broke up with him didn't you? Try to move on. Find a good man who can love you without controlling you.
It sounds like your ex will need professional help to change his behavior. If you've talked him and he won't change, then he's not the one for you, no matter how much you love him. Unfortunately, love is not always enough to make a relationship work.

Answer 5

When you say you love him but he makes you so unhappy, you have just answered your own question. How can you love someone who makes you unhappy? What is it about this person that you are in love with? Make a list of things that he does that you like and that you don't like. See which list is longer and you have the solution. Just be strong enough to realize that everyone you love is not necessarily good for you.

Answer 6

I will make a prediction, if you go back to this loser you will end up in the ER.

It is only a matter of time before he becomes physical. With guys like this, it starts with emotional abuse and morphs into physical abuse, and Its always your fault.

BS, stay the heck away from him and go find a real man, guys like him do not change. EVER. I was married to one for 7 years and he nearly killed me one night. Run, run fast.

Answer 7

The both of you need some serious therapy. You should stay away from this guy! Today he is mad at you because someone looked at you, tomorrow he kills you because someone talked to you! You nailed it, sweetie, it's all about control and he wants to/needs to control every aspect of you ( even things that are NOT within your control ) He's sick and screwed up and HE WILL NOT CHANGE without help.

Answer 8

In my expierience,no i have been with several guys like that.I ve tied everything.TRUST ME EVERYTHING! Depends on how old he is too I have found that the older they are the more set in their "behavior" they seem to be.The most extreme ex i had, i KNOW he loved me with all his heart and soul.However,he was 42 and it never changed ,no matter how much we talked about it

Answer 9

Ever heard of the saying....Love Hurts....well Abuse hurts even more...seems like you like guys that control you.....but you are now wising up, you have feelings for this guy but im not convenced you love him....i think you are scared of him...and if you are you need to cut your losses...remember for every man a woman was made....sounds like hes not your man.....once a man sees he can control you..he will abuse you....think smart and leave it be....your man is out there....he'll come to you!

Answer 10

I WILL ANSWER THIS SIMPLY, GET RID OF HIM. IT SEEMS AS IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO LOVE YOU BUT DO NOT HAVE THE DRIVE OR THE SELF ESTEEM TO TAKE CONTROL OVER THE SITUATION, HE HAS PEGGED YOU FOR A PUSH OVER AND WILL CONTINUE HIS RAMPAGE UNTILL IT HAS UTIMATLY DESTROYED YOU IN WHICH YOU PROBLY WILL CLING ON TO HIM BECAUSE HE WILL MAKE YOU FEEL AS IF HE IS THE ONLY MAN ON EARTH THAT WANTS YOU, DONT BELIVE IT... YOU I AM SURE ARE A BEAUTIFULL GIRL INSIDE AND OUT, DONT LET SOMEONE CONTROLL YOU, YOU NEED TO TAKE CONTROLL NOW BEFORE ITS TOO LATE OR GET RID OF HIM. BE SAFE AND MOST OF ALL BE TRUE TO YOUR SELF.
LORI B. LPN, RNS