I've been hurt very badly in the past, more than once, and I really want to believe he's being sincere. So how do you get past the baggage and just let your heart do the thinking?
2006-12-11 10:11:39 · 24 answers · asked by GAgirl 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We have had a couple of difficult times, but he's not the one who hurt me. I have had a couple of bad relationships before this.
2006-12-11 10:53:10 · update #1
well, first off you cant ever blame someone else for your past relationships.They were not there and cant make up for it either.If you trust again and this guy hurts you it still shouldnt be the end of your idea of loving someone.Believe me when I say, the more you go through things the better you become at coping with them.Love is just as much of a gamble as anything in life and the more you hold yourself to your emotional past like a ball and chain the more un likely it will be for you to find the true love you are looking for.Why? because you will be so busy trying to protect yourself with them blinders of pain over your eyes that you forget how to see what is right there in front of you. Love, laugh and dont be afraid to live regardless of the unknown.
2006-12-11 10:28:56 · answer #1 · answered by vmaxer85 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you haven't been hurt, you haven't loved. Hurtfulness goes with loving, but we must move on. When in a healthy relationship, the hurt can be resolved. When the relationship ends, and the hurt continues, refocusing on new events and people will help. When you do meet someone else, try to not put the hurtful person's face on the new person. Listen to your heart of course, but also go slow enough to enjoy the relationship as friends, before it progresses to where they are close enough to hurt you. People always show their true character after awhile; we sometimes just don't want to see it. What did you overlook in the past relationships? Learn from those little mistakes, and you will do fine.
2006-12-11 10:17:04 · answer #2 · answered by dutchlady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, don't allow baggage from the past to mess up your present and future. But you have to use common sense. Yes, the words "I love you" are used so loosely now a days. Honey, join the club about being hurt in the past, who hasn't, but we grow from each and every experience we have. One thing about you have to be strong by yourself, do not depend on someone else to bring you happiness. Just be careful and if you know it's right, you will know but give it some time before you completely give in to him. Be strong and I hope this helps!!
2006-12-11 10:18:42 · answer #3 · answered by Stokleyfan4life 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is about trust, and trust can take a long time to build. It is sensible to be wary in order to avoid leaving yourself vulnerable to further hurt. However, as they say, the only things in life you will regret are the things you never did. If you cannot just let go, and take a chance on someone, you could be closing off the doors to all sorts of wonderful experiences.
Take a leap of faith and trust him. If the worst comes to the worst, the hurt will never be as bad as what you have gone through before. The chances are, however, that you are just about to embark on a new and wonderful phase in your life. Good luck.
2006-12-11 10:19:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No need in getting into a new relationship until you have had time to work on self.
So many people just think they have to be with someone or they are not complete.
Learn who you are, then everything just falls in place.
Plus if you let the bad things in life stop you. You will not be around for the good things.
2006-12-11 10:18:00 · answer #5 · answered by milky_cali_one 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good question....I'm in the same boat. I have got out of a bad relationship and was literally mentally abused and to add he cheated on me......Now I'm going out with another previous boyfriend who has always treated me good he just had his own issues. He has overcome them and we are together. But when he says "I Love You" I get scared....I do love him, he just says it more than I do or rather he is more comfortable saying it. I feel like sometimes where rushing things......he seems to believe in us and the white picket fence.....I just can't seem to believe the true happiness of relationships, the white picket fence etc....I wish I could but I can't as well. So I told him (current boyfriend that has a heart of gold, loyal, honest, blunt etc...) that i'm scared a little but i guess I do love him or at leat like him in order to take a chance. You don't seem to say if the guy was the guy that actually hurt you. Is the baggage over him? If it is I been there with the mental abuse guy and it was no good. He did what he did cause he could and I didn't want to get out of that bubble.....or rather i didn't wantt o face the truth. They want you for their sense of security.....you haven't really got into detail so I truly can't really answer your question but, if he has cheated on you. He might say he won't do it again, but thats hard to say. You don't really know so give yourself time....and if you feel its worth it or that he's worth it than you can try again. But if you feel or think its going to mess up again than its not worth it and move on. There is plenty of other guys in this world.......so make your decision and make sure mentally and in your heart your ready. If not single is the way to go and that's not bad at all.....alot of people feel they always need to be with someone to be happy that's not always the truth (its more of a security purpose with some). So make the right decision.....and sometimes you just need to be alone and take some time to think to get over a broken heart or to think clearly.
2006-12-11 10:46:32 · answer #6 · answered by April 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must be over the past or you won't give him a chance! You can't get hurt unless you've loved. There are no guarantees. You have to look at how he treats you. Is he kind to you? Does he show how he feels in and out of the bedroom? Does he treat you with respect? Do you feel good when you are together? If not, he's not worth your time.
2006-12-11 10:16:03 · answer #7 · answered by grlugo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you shouldn't let your heart do the thinking. Your head is for thinking and your heart is for feeling. Consider exactly what it is you feel for this guy. Think about how it was that you got hurt in the past, and how likely it could be that whatever it was could happen with this guy. Then talk to the guy honestly about your fears and concerns. If he's worth opening your heart up to, he'll do what he can to help you trust him.
2006-12-11 10:19:39 · answer #8 · answered by TDog13 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That baggage is there for a reason and that is to protect you.
When I started wtih my last boyfriend I had let go of all the baggage and was totally open and got used and hurt beyond belief. He said he loved me and I stupidly believed him. I have not had a boyfriend since. Wish I had been smarter back then.
2006-12-11 10:14:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
That's a toughie. When a person has been burned in the past, it CAN be quite difficult to decipher when a guy/girl is being sincere or just playing games. Just go with your gut--accept it, but keep an eye on him...see if he backs up his statement.
(That's why guys shouldn't play with THAT phrase....)
2006-12-11 10:15:01 · answer #10 · answered by keyonnaw5 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋