Is it OK to close the door if I am in a room in my own house??

Question

I like to watch movies on my computer or while laying in bed on a DVD and I like to turn out the lights and close the door. This way the movie looks better on the screen and I block out unwanted noise and light. My wife has a problem with this. She always askes me why I have to have the door closed. She wants me to keep it open. Who is right and why does she feel this way? Thanks!!!

Answer 1

Um, have you tried telling her *why* you close the door? That you just want the optimal viewing conditions? It will be easier for her to understand your actions if you actually TALK to her.

The reason she wants you to keep the door open is that she feels you are shutting her out, ignoring her (and your family), escaping from the world. She wants to spend time with you; you want to spend time alone with your movie. Possibly, she's also considered that you are hiding something from her (you're watching porn or something).

There is no right or wrong in this situation; just a severe lack of communication and compromise. Tell your wife that you prefer the lights off and the door shut for the optimal viewing experience, but invite her to come watch the movie with you so she doesn't feel left out. Offer, occassionally, to watch movies you know she likes. Make sure you spend some time each day interacting with her directly, not "tuned out" watching TV, playing computer games, etc.

Remember, most guys relate through shared activity (watching a game, eating a meal together) while most women relate through talking. For a healthy relationship, you both will have to do both.

Answer 2

To answer your question, what is "right" in a marriage is chiefly determined by the two married parties. And, as for why she feels this way, she is the only one who can answer that, so you should really ask her.

It may be that she feels like you are blocking her out, especially if there is a lot of activity she has to deal with while you are on your own in the bedroom watching movies. Try inviting her to watch with you, and shut the door so she can see the benefits.

Maybe she grew up in a home where the doors always stayed open. If this was the case, shutting the door would be highly offensive.

Perhaps she fears you may be hiding something. If this is the case, you may need to consider going to counseling, as the root of that can't be fixed with a door-closed OR open.

I'm afraid the only way to solve this problem is by dialoguing with your wife. I hope the two of you are able to find a solution that is satisfactory to both of you.

Maybe have the door half closed? I kid, I kid!

Answer 3

Why don't you watch movies with your wife? When you close the door, it seems as though you are closing the door on her, and that you need private time alone, without your wife... If the door was open, it would be an open invitation for her to join you if she likes, but with a closed door, it seems as if you don't want to be bothered. Why don't you watch movies in your living room television like normal people do? And why do you watch movies alone?

If you are really concerned with optimal viewing pleasure... Why are you watching it on your computer?? That's like the crappiest place to watch a DVD... Why don't you watch it on television???

I think I would be bothered if my wife (if I were married) was doing the same thing, for 2 reasons, either she is trying to keep me away from her, or she is a very strange person, or both.

Everyone in a marriage needs a little sanctuary of their own, to get away from the partner for a little bit... Most guys have their garage... Well, I don't fully understand your situation, but according to your excuses, it's for the light... But I think you just want to get away from her for a while... That's perfectly normal. You just do it in a weird way.

Answer 4

I would do the same thing, and my hubby wouldn't mind. If you two share the house and the bills, you can do whatever you want. As long as you clean up your own mess I always say.

Maybe she'd like to know for certain what kind of DVD you're really watching. Or maybe she doesn't think you're really watching DVD's. Could be a lack of trust thing. Is she justified?

Or, maybe she feels scared being on the other side of the door on her own. Maybe she shouldn't watch those scary ghost progams on her own at night. I do that all the time! I try to avoid watching those programs when hubbies not home at all.

Or, it could just be the way she was brought up too, as previously mentioned. Talk it out. Invite her in.

Signed, Tolerent Canadian Wife.

Answer 5

That sounds like a rule that a parent would impose on a child, not something a wife should insist upon from her husband. It's your house and your all grown up now. Does she freak if there are lights on in an unoccupied room or yell at you for standing at the fridge with the door open for too long as well?

Answer 6

She *may* think that you are watching porn or something like that. It is important that you talk to her and explain to her why you like to close the door and make sure she knows she can come in at any time, and even watch the movie with you.
You can also explain (if this is the case) that after work you like to unwind and be alone for some time; also that you don't want to make noise that may bother her.
I think that if my husband started doing that I would be intrigued and suspicious, but if he explained why he was doing it, I would understand, and if I opened the door and everything was "normal" then it would not bother me, as long as he does not stay in there for several hours!

Answer 7

Of course, if it's your house, and there are no guests, this is perfectly fine! If there were guests, I'd say your behavior was a little anti-social. Perhaps your wife is feeling left out. Let her know she's free to come and go as she pleases, but you're closing the door to better enjoy your movie. Perhaps invite her to watch some movies with you. =)

Answer 8

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Answer 9

She obviously has some trust issues or feels left out. Maybe invite her to watch the movies with you?

Answer 10

It's okay to close the room if you want your privacy but you have to explain it to your wife why you are doing that, so she would understand.