been with my man 3 years the last 2 years we have had sex 9 times i live with him too we have even been to councelling and was told its pycological i get very frustrated but he assures me he loves me i feel as though if he did he would try but i get nothing not even a intimate touch or kiss im going out of my mind and i have to pleasure myself but its so cold and not the same any got any advice out there?
2006-12-11 08:27:12 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
has he tried Viagra or cialis? the doc may give him a prescription if just the sex is lacking.
2006-12-11 08:29:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I went through this myself with my ex husband. It was like, IF we had sex once a month- that was a LOT, and that was after a month of being married. In the first couple of months, it dropped from like maybe 1 time a week to 2 times a month then to once a month and by the time we separated, we hadnt even had sex for like 2 months. We never even went through that "honeymoon" period that most couples go through- however, when we first met, it was like 1-2 times a day when we saw each other. As we know as women, when a man isn't having regular sex, his timing is very shortened, so I will say my married time (1.5 years) we probably totaled an hour of sexual intercourse! LOL
I suggest that you find out from him what it is that is going on, if he can't communicate it with you, it sounds like you may need to move on with your life because communication is a big huge foundation to any relationship (about 90% of the reason for my divorce)
My suggestion would be IF you decide that you are going to find someone new, do NOT do it while you are still with this guy. I personally don't believe in cheating AT ALL!
Good luck!
-EA
2006-12-11 08:33:05 · answer #2 · answered by Earthy Angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"It's psychological," isn't a real answer, especially from a therapist. So what is going on? If he's avoiding sex or not interested in sex with you, I'd wonder if he's turned on by anyone else or by other men. I'd wonder if he's afraid of intimacy, or if he's angry and expressing it by withholding sex. (Women aren't the only ones who do that.) I'd want to know what he's feeling when you initiate sex (if you do) or how he feels when you seek affection. These are the issues that should be discussed in counseling. Otherwise you're wasting your $$.
He should also have a physical exam to see if there are any underlying medical issues. If he's taking medications, such as antidepressants or meds for high blood pressure (and some others), his sex drive could be radically decreased.
See someone who knows what they're doing. Find a certified sex therapist in your area.
2006-12-11 08:34:46 · answer #3 · answered by joanmazza 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In your question you missed out one very important piece of information. Are you a fat munter? I don't mean to be offensive, but usually in this situation women will normally speak of the attention they receive elsewhere, but you don't. This may be hard to take if I've hit the nail on the head, but are you the problem? Honestly, I'm not having a go, but I've had enough bad relationships where the woman is all too quick to blame the man!
Without salient details like this you will never get a satisfactory answer on the interweb, sorry!
2006-12-11 10:51:51 · answer #4 · answered by alfie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a bummer. My situation is the same, but in reverse. I have all but lost my sex drive. Is he just a cold fish that can't give much intimacy or is there something else triggering this? Perhaps talking it out, the way you feel, allow him to open up and perhaps he will find out what is bothering him also. Best of luck to you.
2006-12-11 08:32:32 · answer #5 · answered by beeotch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If ur gonna stay, then u need to give him time and maybe he needs to get some psychotherapy, u'll have fun while he's doing it cause he'll have home work. Try not to keep coming on to him, it may be a power thing (subconcously) and is scared of fully commiting, despite doing it before.
Good luck
2006-12-11 08:31:32 · answer #6 · answered by sammyantha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is defiantly not normal. This could be a mental issue, or it could be a physical one. A urologist and maybe an endocrinologist will be needed to check out the physical issues. It could very well be, that if he is having problems or uncertainties about performance that he is avoiding the issue all together.
2006-12-11 08:33:50 · answer #7 · answered by Chris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Finchy get you man to see another Doctor it sounds to me like early signs of depression setting in I suffer bi-polar disorder it is linked to depression and diffuclt to handle but you have to fight all the way it is soul destroying I know but i fought it (still am but winning ) .Dont let it go that far I did and paid a high price fot it because I failed to see the signs in time .If i can help you PLEASE get in touch you are not on your own dont hesitate you have to believe he does love you .That is important hope i can help cheers Alan
2006-12-11 09:07:52 · answer #8 · answered by not a mused 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is psychological, did the counselor say anything about it being based on latent anger? Seems that there might be more answers to be found. If it is psychological, it ought to be fixable. What, specifically, did the counselor say?
2006-12-11 08:34:10 · answer #9 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That must be so difficult. Unfortunately, whilst it is an issue for you, it is unlikely to get better for him. Hmm. Can you somehow pretend it's all ok with you? Then try and find any other pressures or worries he has?
2006-12-11 08:30:01 · answer #10 · answered by Older&Wiser 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
move on. if you can count how many times you had sex in 3 years ther's a problem no amount of viagra can fix.you didn't say he couldn't get it up just that he's not interested.
2006-12-11 08:32:11 · answer #11 · answered by beast 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋