What would you do if you found out your fiancee has a child?

Question

we were broken up at the time but he didn't tell me when we got back together, he said he didn't want to loose me again because he had to work so hard for us to get back together and i'm the one he wants to be his wife

Answer 1

LOVE THE CHILD HE IS PART OF YOUR FIANCEE !!!

Answer 2

Well, it would not be the child that would bother me - these things happen and a child is a wonderful thing no matter how complicated it is. The problem I would have would be with the lying. How often have we heard people use "I was only thinking of you...." as an excuse to lie about something. He wasn't tihnking about you - he was thinking about himself and what he would lose if he was honest with you. That leads to lots more questions:

1 - What else would he be willing to lie about to "protect you"?
2 - When does lying after the fact cross over into actions behind your back because "What you don't know can't hurt you"?
3 - Do you want to be married to a man how does not think you are mature enough to deal with the truth straight up or is to immature to deal with the results of his own actions?

There are probably some trust and honesty issues you to need to work on before you think about marriage.

Answer 3

I'd be careful if I was you. When a person - male or female - is dishonest about one thing, they will generally be dishonest about others. His reluctance to tell you the truth may be because he didn't want to risk losing you but that excuse holds about as much water as if he'd cheated while you were together and then said the reason he didn't tell you was because he didn't want to lose you. What he did when the two of you weren't together can't be helped now. The more important question you ought to be asking is can you handle the fact that he's got a child?

Answer 4

The fact that he has a child is not the issue here; unless you don't want children. And the fact that this child & this other woman will be a part of your life FOREVER. A couple who has a child together will always have some association with each other, even when that child grows up. There's always weddings & grandkids......
Are you willing to accept this?

But the fact that he didn't respect you enough to tell you about HIS CHILD and this other woman, is what bothers me. If he wasn't honest with you about somehing so very important to your lives, what other things has he not been honest with you about?
His excuse is BS.

Answer 5

He is your fiance....and you didn't know he had a child? I would be concerned that at this level of your relationship, that kind of information should be out in the open. But on the other hand, if he just made a bad decision by not telling you and is genuinely in love with you, stay with him if that is what you want. He might just be trying to avoid hurting you or losing you. Just be careful... he needs to prove to you that he is honest with you now. I wish you the best of luck....and no matter what, treat that child as a part of the family if you do stay with him.

Answer 6

I really feel cold and b*tchy saying this but I would leave him. My mom married my dad when he was with child and it wasn't easy. Your fiancee will always be tied to the mother of his child. Just look at Britney and Kevin and Shar. This is not something I would want to live with, even if I loved the person deeply. Sorry for being selfish but sometimes you need to put urself first.

Answer 7

WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE HE LOVES YOU AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTER'S NOW BE THE BIGGER WOMAN AND NEVER TAKE IT OUT OR BE REMORSEFUL WITH THE CHILD
AS FOR THE MOTHER YOU WILL RESENTMENT BUT HANDLE IT NOW OR JUST LEAVE IT'S ALL ON YOU BUT KEEP IN MIND IT DIDN'T HAPPEN WHEN YOU TOGETHER. SO RIGHT NOW ALL YOU NEED IS SOME ALONE TIME AND THINK AND THINK SOME MORE ARE YOU LETTING GO BECAUSE YOU FELT VIOLATED OR BECAUSE YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH THE FACT OF HAVING A RESPONSIBILITY TO ANOTHER WOMAN LIKE IT OR NOT HE HAS TO TAKE CARE OF HIS CHILD.AND IT'S NOT FOR THE HERE AND NOW BUT FOR LIFE TIME. if YOU LOVE HIM THE WAY YOU DO YOU WILL BE THERE FOR YOUR MAN THROUGH THICK AND THIN. AND BETTER OR WORSE IF NOT RUN!

Answer 8

If he really wanted to be with you and was afraid of losing you he would have been honest. He knows that he cant hide the fact that he has a child, and if he tried to hide it then you have to ask yourself if he will hide more things out of fear. He should be able to trust you and be honest with you so that you can make the decision you want with all the info at hand. If he hides things from you so that you'll make the decision he wants you to make, he in a way trying to manipulate you.

Answer 9

He lied to you before you were married. He lied to you to avoid losing you. That means he will do so again. That is not good husband material. Ditch him.

If you don't ditch him, be prepared to get nasty little surprises when the truth comes out from time to time. And keep in mind that in some states, the wife's income is also garnished to pay for her husband's child support.

Answer 10

That's a pretty big thing not to tell you. I would go to great lengths to make sure he was going to be honest in the future, since he clearly hasn't been honest in the past. If he really wants to be with you, he'll let you do that. You have to make sure you can trust the guy.

Personally, I'd dump him immediately. Not telling you something that big is the same as a damn lie.

Answer 11

You have to wonder what else he is hiding.

Having a child is not something to keep a secret for any length of time. A real man tells the truth, regardless of the consequences, fear of losing a loved or not.