My mother in law?

Question

I had a baby two months ago. My mother in law seems to have to take contol and its like its her child and not mine. I know shes just being a grandma but she goes as far as holding him,feeding him.changing him..and not asking me or anyone else if we would like to hold him or anything she just does it all. So when I am around her which is almost always I know for that time I wont get a chance to hold or change or feed him because she has to be the one that does it. Also I really hate it when she has to give him a 4-5 oz bottle every hour everytime he crys. I try to explain to my husband that she cant do this,and that babies cry but that doesnt mean they are hungry each time they do..is this right for me to think this and what can I do about all of this?

My husband has told her MILLIONS of times..its like talking to a wall she doesnt listen

Answer 1

My husband and i had to live with his parents for a few months after i had my daughter so i went through much of the same things 24/7. His mom is very caring and wants to help everyone all the time and also very sensitive and emotional, but i had to let her know that I was the mom and i call the shots when it comes to my baby, Im very independent, honest and straight forward and extremely picky about the way things are done, so i am sure that i hurt her feelings quite a few times, but we still love eachother and its all good! Always try to be nice, talk things over with your husband first to make sure you are both on the same page, and YOU let her know when shes doing something you dont like. My daughter is now 2 and i still do this and most of the time it works...but grandmas will be grandmas, and even i cant change that! Most of all, dont feel bad for feeling this way...it just means that you are a great mom!

Answer 2

If you husband doesn't want to step up and say something to his mother then it's all up to you. Be warned: it may cause hard feelings depending on her personality....you need to explain to her (as nicely as possible ofcourse) that while you love her help and desire to do sooo much, you'd also appreciate it if she'd let you and other family members enjoy the baby while he is still a baby. Also, when he/she cries and your MIL goes for a bottle to put in his mouth, gently say "I don't think he is hungry right now...he is on a schedule, lets give him a pacificer or walk him instead." she will eventually get the hint. If not, then you'll need to limit your visits w/ her until the baby is older and you are ready for that break that "grandma" is so willing to give. Most importantly, remember to be gentle. Afterall, her baby is grown and I am sure its been a long time since she has had a chance to experience the joys of having a baby around.

Answer 3

Oh honey, you really need to sit her down and explain to her that you NEED to BOND with your own child! Your baby needs you!! He's probably crying because his tummy hurts!!

She had her chance of raiseing her own kids, now it's your turn, and you really need to stand up for you and the baby.

You two should beable to come to an understanding. Tell her, you want to do all the feedings. And you also would like to hold your own child and change your own child.

Tell her, you'd gladly let her hold him inbetween your chores.

Don't ask her if this is ok with her, TELL her it is the way it will be.

She's the type that if marriage problems were to pop up, she'd make sure she'd let others know how SHE raised and cared for your child! She could also make you look like a bad mother.

Do it NOW..........get off the computer and go take charge of your own child!!

Answer 4

Tough spot. I guess it depends on how strong your relationship is with your husband and how he gets along with his mom. First talk to your husband. Let him know that he just needs to listen to you first of all. Then when you both come to a mutual agreement on the parameters of his mothers involvement you both need to sit down and discuss it with her without any distractions (get someone else to watch the baby). Entreat her like a "mom", not a bad "nanny". Reaffirm your acceptance of her as a "mom" but your need to raise the baby as a couple. Lastly make sure that you both are not leaning on her in some other way as to make her believe that she "should be responsible" for doing what she's doing.

Answer 5

I was in this position once too. It may be hard for you to say so, but you & your husband both need to tell her Look we know you mean well & while we appriecate all of the help youve been giving us, we need some time to spend with our child. You have been a wonderful mother to your children & we are sure with your advice we can do as well as you have.
Or something to that effect. I wish you luck

Answer 6

That's a typical case and if ou let it happen now. Remember it wil continue until your baby grow older. My suggestion is if you are with your in laws move out. Or set some rules for your baby's sake. at first you and your husband will argue but at the end it will be for the best. ;-)

Answer 7

Yeah you have a problem, and there's probably not much you can do without hurting her. As far as the feeding goes, she is crazy to be feeding him every hour, doesn't it make his stomach hurt? That's probably why he's crying. does he actually drink the milk? if he's drinking it, then he may be okay. If he ain't drinking it, then he is probably crying because his stomach hurts.

Answer 8

You have every right to think this way, its your baby. She had a chance to enjoy her children and now she needs to understand that you want to enjoy yours. Is there anyway you can talk to her without her getting offended? Try that, maybe she doesnt realize you feel this way and she thinks she is helping.

Answer 9

I am a male, I remember mother in law. My wife was in hospital, I was taking my daughter 2 year old with me and Mother in law said let me take her home you don't have to worry. I stood there told her look, that my daughter you don't tell me what to do period. that night my daughter so sick so i had no choice to call mother in alw to take me and my daughter to the hospital. and my daughter rather me holding her. and mother in alw kept on saying let me hold her and you need a break and she touch my daughter and my daughter said no no no i want my daddy. and she keep on doing it. I stood up with her and told her back off. you disrespct my daughter. I was called in she went in with me.SIGHT and then nurse was helping me with that and mother in law kept on bothering me and I told her you need to understand this you just pick us up and taking us to hositpal and drop home period.

So Nurse understood what I am try to say and she didn't and finally nurse told her to wait out side. I got home make sure she feeling better and She felt better, and I went to see my wife and I told her what happen and she said I know my mom told me. I was like oh man what did she say this time? she said well you know she very proud of you. How can she be very proud of me if she don't back off? she said she finally understand how imporant to you with your own daughter. I told her that is true.

You have to tell in laws how you feel. Don't let anyone take kids from you how to run your show. My wife knows how I feel and if someone take it from me I have something to say to them to back off my kids. I understand you what ever you are, you will not take my kid period. My job, My kids, Being father, you don't made this babies only me and wife that all.

So guess what she back off. She still do something else like should be fine. all that I told her how you know you not here everyday to see what going on I do. She like gave me dirty looks. Like I care. and my wife knows how i feel and she stand by me that fine smling. hope this helps.

Answer 10

What are you complaining about? Why don't you use the time grandma is there to catch up on some needed and welcomed sleep?