He didn't tell u because he thought he was protecting you and wanted to wait for a good time to tell you, because he didn't want you to leave him
2006-12-11 07:50:07 · 23 answers · asked by tweety 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Thank my lucky stars that he is still my fiance and not my husband. Then I would break the engagement.
2006-12-11 07:55:06 · answer #1 · answered by JustMe 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
First off - postpone the wedding. Sure, a hassle, but people often forget that a wedding is supposed to be about the start of a lifetime relationship, not just a ceremony and a party. It'd be a huge mistake to turn this "fiancee" into a "husband" until you've figure out other stuff that has to do with you future together.
Next - it's time for a frank consideration of whether or not you want to try to stay in this relationship and work through your problems. There's no right or wrong answer - but you do need to know if you want to stay or not, and why or why not. If you don't think this relationship is the best thing for you, then you end it, and the rest doesn't matter.
Why did the affair happen? How does he explain it? Does his explanation seem true and valid to you? Is there an issue between you that can be worked out, and if so, is he mature and committed enough to do so? You need to know it won't happen again, because spending your life waiting for him to do it again is no kind of life you'd want. Having an affair isn't something mature people do, so I'd look carefully at why it happened.
If you want to consider staying in the relationship, it's time to consider the kid. The kid exists, the kid must be dealt with. He has to make arrangements for financial support of his child, who didn't ask to be in the middle of all this, but is. He has to make arrangements with the mother of the child for visitation, etc.
If he's planning on just walking away from his kid, alarm bells should ring for you, because people are who they are 24/7, not just in spots - and he's showing you how he deals with (1) mistakes, (2) stressful situations, and (3) obligations. If he walks out on his kid, you'd have to be crazy to think he'd stick by you and your child when things get tough.
How did you find out about the affair and the baby? This also tells you something important about your boyfriend. Did he tell you, or did you have to find out another way?
So how do you feel about being around this little person? Okay, it's not in any way the kid's fault, but can you try to be open to getting to know this kid for him/herself, not just as a reminder of what your boyfriend did?
Only when you've got answers that you can live with can you decide next what to do. Good luck, sweetie.
2006-12-11 08:07:57 · answer #2 · answered by peculiarpup 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a terrible way to start out a marriage! If he can't keep it in his pants now, what do you think he'll be like once your married? Things will be tough at times over time while married. Do you really want the additional handicap of being married to a cheater? On top of this, now he legally has a financial and emotional commitment to this child. When you marry someone with a kid, you are gaining the mother in your life too whether you like it or not. If you do this, you will have to put your feelings of betrayal and jealousy aside to not affect this child. I wouldn't do it. I would dump his $*&@ and thank my lucky stars that I found out before we were married!
2006-12-11 10:42:29 · answer #3 · answered by chicagowoman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He thought he was PROTECTING you?! No he was protecting himself! Was he protecting you when he had sex with her? I dont think so. I am not saying give up on him, some people learn from their mistakes, but I would say slow things down just a weee bit. And when is a good time to tell you fiance - oh I cheated on you and BTW i have a child with her?
2006-12-11 09:09:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What would I do? Well first off lets consider it's the other way around since I'm a guy.
If my fiance was cheating on me and got pregnant in the process, it'd be very easy, no questions asked - she'd no longer be my fiance!
If she's cheating on me at that point, she'll cheat on me after we're married. The bigger question is why were they cheating in the first place? Obviously something isn't right in the relationship to begin with....that or they just can't keep it in their pants.
Trust me, I've been there.....break it off and send the idiot packing, you deserve much better.
2006-12-11 08:03:26 · answer #5 · answered by Tyrone S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all - his reasons for not telling you are bull - he wasn't trying to protect you, he was trying to protect himself from your reaction.
As for the child - and affair is an affair and the child does not make it better or worse. Was the actual act any different simply because it resulted in a baby? not really - the difference is that now he gets to pay child support for 18+ years because of his affair. But, when it comes to you, the affair and the lies are the problem - not the baby.
2006-12-11 10:16:25 · answer #6 · answered by Chrys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. He didn't tell you because he didn't want you to dump him and he wanted to wait to tell you because he knew you would jump ship if you knew right away.
If he wanted to protect you in the first place, he wouldn't have cheated or he would have broken off your engagement/relationship and then had the separate relationship with another person.
Don't fall for these pathetic excuses, leave him.
-EZ
2006-12-11 08:00:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Dump him and dont look back. On top of a cheating groom you have someone elses child in your life and the mother of the child too.
2006-12-11 14:08:22 · answer #8 · answered by mz crane 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He didn't want you to leave him, that means he wanted to cheat and not get caught. How long was he with her?
Do you really want to marry a guy who behaves this way?
Do you really want to be with a guy that has a child?
Wouldn't you want to be the first person to give him a baby?
Do you want to deal with the drama that comes along with the baby's momma? (Visitation, Support). From now on his bills are your bills. You will also be responsible for payment of this child's care. (as his wife).
Please consider all of these things before you say I do.
2006-12-11 08:47:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it doesnt bother you that your finance cheated and produced a child then go ahead and marry him. He will probably have to pay child support and have some contact with the mother of his child. Personally, it would bother the heck out of me, and I would not marry him.
2006-12-11 10:59:17 · answer #10 · answered by ♨ Wisper ► 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you arent willing to forgive him for the cheating, break it off.
There is no Good Time to tell someone something like that. Telling you he didnt tell you sooner because he wanted to protect you is a lie.
2006-12-11 07:56:21 · answer #11 · answered by sweetie_baby 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋