I support the entire household as she is in school. In the past she was free to have boys stay, make noise, smoke pot etc. She is a decent kid, who has no problem being asked to clean up or make dinner. Last week we found out our neighbors had come to ask her to be quiet after midnight. Her dad asked her to keep it down and she was very nasty then told him that we better stop making the bed move during sex. We also found out she wasn't going to school so he tried to chat with her and she started again, told him he must buy her an alarm and slippers if he wanted her to go - even though he wakes her with coffee at 7:30. We plan to explain to her that at 19 she is an adult and with that comes privilege but also responsibility and we are willing to listen to her complaints and compromise on some issues.. She needs to follow us regards noise levels, clearing up and respect for other people in the house. And if she chooses to skip school then she must pay rent. Anybody help please?
2006-12-11 07:08:02 · 12 answers · asked by Julie 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Wow! Your relationship is really being tested early. Good Luck with that.
As far as the grown woman (not "kid") living in your house is concerned, you two need to show a united front and follow through with the reprecussions you've set out. If she doesn't finish school, then give her a deadline as to when to get a job and start paying rent. Realistically, she's probably just acting out because HER father has another woman. However, she's not 9 anymore and as such needs to grow up a little.
On a side note: I would make sure that your fiance is the primary disciplinarian. You don't want to come between him and his daughter and cause any resentment towards you from either side. BUT it's also your house and your dime, so gauge how he copes with the situation because it can be a clear indicator of the future.
Good Luck
2006-12-11 07:23:20 · answer #1 · answered by mrs. m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you answered your question. Without a doubt, she needs to get a job and pay rent if she's not going to school and bringing home good grades. As far as the pot smoking and having sex with guys in your own house. There's something wrong with that picture. I know she's considered an adult, but she's still young and has a long ways till she realizes what being an adult is all about. Just because she's an adult doesn't mean she deosn't have to respect you in your own house. This is your house, you pay the bills, you make the rules. If someone lives under your roof, then it's only respectful that they follow your rules or find another place to live. Plain and simple.
2006-12-11 07:38:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely right on this one. Stick to your guns. She is an adult and must follow the house rules or out she goes to get a job and support herself. Then she'll see just how good she has it at home. I've been in your exact shoes. My bf was also out of work & his 19 year old daughter with an attitude was living with us and I straightened out her attitude fast. She HAD to be working and contributing to the household with cleaning as well as respecting us and neighbours while she was living here. It was pretty stressful and she did end up moving out, but we all have a good relationship now.
2006-12-11 07:53:50 · answer #3 · answered by LindaLou 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Smoke pot? Decent kid?
Wow, Mrs. Cleaver, how's the beave?
Rules and regulations should have been established before she even stepped foot in that house.
1) she will attempt to divide and conquer. If you guys are arguing about the situation to each other, she isn't catching it. You must agree to all the terms and conditions, in writing, and enforce them.
2) great plan. If she's going to school, then no rent. If she's not, she pays rent, plain and simple.
3) no drugs. Drugs and the "fun" people associated with them could easily result in your house being taken from you by the authorities.
2006-12-11 07:21:00 · answer #4 · answered by timc_fla 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm 20 and i kinda know how it is to be 19. But i never acted like that you need to try getting her to stay off pot that makes her aggressive if she can't stay off it then put her in rehab i understand that you don't want to hurt her but she has to have her feet on the ground when your not around anymore. You need to get her a job make her pay rent little by little then make her pay more as her job pays her better, you need to tell her that she needs to make up her mind is it school or work. If she chooses school she has to work and pay for it, if she chooses to work then she needs to pay rent, i know you guys don't want to hurt her but you need to show her the steps to the real world. I know it will hurt to kick her out of the house but if she keeps acting like that you wil have to kick her out or else she will make your life a living hell and she won't grow up
I hope I helped
2006-12-11 07:26:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I absolutely agree with you. You need to set ground rules for her regarding noise levels, chores, etc. This is your house, not hers. If she is not going to school then she better start paying rent, especially since the financial situation is probably already getting a little tight due to your fiance losing his job. Stand your ground. If she can't advise by your rules then she needs to go elsewhere.
2006-12-11 07:12:26 · answer #6 · answered by momofmodi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
kick her out!!!
well...that's just me. not only should she be going to school, but she should be having a part-time job as well. i personally believe anyone over the age of 18 needs a job. even if it's only part-time. if she doesn't go to school, she needs a full-time job and a newspaper to find herself her own apartment. give her a time-line to clean up her act. say a month or so. if she doesn't comply...she has to go.
2006-12-11 07:15:01 · answer #7 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well first off she just broke up with her b/f right? well maybe she's really depresed about it and seeing you guys is makeing her jelous? Maybe you could try and talk to her about it, if she was a good kid to begin with then there is an issue somewhere.
2006-12-11 07:19:52 · answer #8 · answered by sarah 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is 19 an you do not have to support her or her Dad. Tell them both to shape up or they both get out.
Tell your BF he either gets her to behave or you send them both packing
2006-12-11 07:18:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Throw her out.
She acts like she knows it all, so tell her to hit the road.
If the fiancee gets an attitude, get rid of him, too. You don't need this kind of crap messing up your life and happiness.
I've seen this scenario too many times.
2006-12-11 07:16:08 · answer #10 · answered by thatwench 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋