My Grandpa died awhile ago.....?

Question

I knew he was sick but they said he had a year to live. My sister was suposed to take me to see him but she decided to go tanning instead. All of sudden things started going down hill and he died a couple of days later. I never got to see him again or even say good bye. The last time I saw him was on Father's day and when he left he said: "I'll see you later sweetie." But I'll never see him again and it hurts so much. There was no funeral or anything so he was put to ashes and sent up to his cabin. I hate my sister for doing something useless instead of taking me. I don't want to ever forgive her but I act like nothing happened. If I confront her she will make up excuses and I wont be able to handle it. What should I do?? I also try to talk to my dad about how I feel but I get scared everytime I try also. Any advice on that too?
Please help!!

Answer 1

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather.

I understand there would be no funeral if one is cremated, but I find it surprising there was no Memorial Service or anything.

However, please don't be mad at your sister. There's really nothing to forgive her for. I'm certain it wasn't intentional. There was no way to know he was going to go that quickly. Even if you had gotten to go see him that day, it would have been a visit just like any other....."goodbye sweetheart, I'll see you later". You wouldn't have known then that it would be the last goodbye. We never know that......that's why every time we see a loved one, we should let them know we love them because it may be the last chance we'll ever get to say that. On Father's Day, when you DID get to see him, I'm sure you said those things.

And remember, your dear sweet grandfather is now in Heaven, watching over you, and you WILL, one day get to see him again. In the meantime, he is still with you, because he is in your heart.

My prayers are with you for your loss.

Answer 2

This is tuff. I you really feel that it would make a difference or change anything, then talk to your sister but, do not do it in anger. There has been enough pain, i am sure for all concerned. My husband had a heart attack. After battling with that for 3 months and had an AICD implant done, we were told he had 3-5 ( good ) years left. I loved him and thought that is not long but i will take what i can get. Then, one and a half months later we found out he was full of cancer and far beyond help. I was told by the Hospic Nurse that he had 2 months and that was stretching it. I again thought, it is not much but, i will take what i can get. He passed away( 6 days ) later. I never did have the heart to tell him he only had 2 months. I could never understand why, when he was in the hospital so often and long periods of time, this was not detected. I would say to you, not to feel to bad for the time you did not have toward the end but to cherish the life time you had. There are things we just cannot understand and maybe we are not ment to. If this is the only thing you feel your sister done wrong, i would not be to hard on her. She, like you and i had no idea how short time really was.If we did, we would have done the things we wanted to and i guess that is why we should tell our loved ones everyday" i love you" And by all means. it is okay to talk to your grandpa and do not be scared. And, guess what, when he told you he will see you later, most likely he will. In heaven sweetie.

Answer 3

You should always forgive people. First of all it wasnt enirely your sisters fault, she didnt know your Granfather would pass away, it mightve been a bit selfsish at the time but can you really blame her?
Secondly, shes your sister, your gonna have to forgive her some day, there is no stronger bonds than that made within the family of your own and in times of need family is always of help, dont let one mistake ruin such a relationship.
And finally, I am Christian and I dont mean to preach, but you seem to love your grandfatehr very much and well I will assume that he was a kind and caring person at least to you. If he was sick then he probably was going through a lot of pain even if he didnt seem liek it he probably was, therefore as he is lifted and released from his burdens on this Earth he will probably be in a better place watching over his beloved grandchildren.

I hope this helps. Forgive those who have wronged you for you would want the same in return if you were in their shoes.

God Bless.

Answer 4

I had my grandma and uncle die on the same day 10 years ago. So I know what you're going through. Just keep this in mind. You can still talk to him anytime you want to, you can tell him anything you wanted to tell him. Just because he isn't here physically doesn't mean that he's not here. Don't feel guilty about not going to see him; don't blame your sister, how was she supposed to know? Death is never an easy thing. Like I said before, it's been 10 years but not a day goes by that I don't think of them both. As long as he's in your heart, he'll live on forever. I'm sure he's looking down with a smile on his face. I'm sure that you were the apple of his eye:)

Answer 5

Not many of us are really ready to lose a loved one. It always seems too soon unless they are suffering from a prolonged illness and even then .....it seems to be sudden. I've lost both my parents in the last 2 years, and I hope that one day I'll see them again. Only God knows for sure if that's the case. My favorite person in the whole world, growing up was my grandmother. She was a giver, always loving on others and doing things to help someone else. I remember a few of her favorite sayings still today after 30 over years since she passed away. It's like I can still hear her voice saying them too. Treasure your memories of your grandfather, write down things you remember about him. Having those thoughts written down with some pictures will help you in years to come to honor his life and not forget the place he had in your life.

Answer 6

Sweetheart,

You need to understand we are all selfish and sometimes that selfishness appears obvious. My husband died four years ago December and my dad had our boys.....The night before he died I asked my dad to bring the boys up to the hospital, but he said that he had to take a bath. He has never said that he was sorry, but I choose to forgive him anyway.

Forgive your sister and let it go. Unforgiveness only punishes you and not the one it is intended for. Besides you don't know what is going on in your sister's head - she may feel guilty more than you really know. She can only blame herself......You have no excuses unless you are able to drive.

If you were unable to drive, your parents could have taken you, aunts or uncles.....you need to look around instead of at one person. Forgive and let it go.

Answer 7

My condolences on your loss.

What you are feeling is normal. If you had been able to see him, you would still hurt, but not feel the anger towards your sister. You didn't say, but I assume that you were to young to go by yourself to visit him. Your sister's actions, looking back, seem selfish, but at the time, you said he was expected to live for another year. In that light, her actions, while selfish, are not as bad as if she knew this would have been your last chance to see him.

It will be best if you can avoid your sister until your grief has lessened. If you cannot, then talk to your dad about how you feel. He will understand and perhaps help with your sister. If you feel you cannot talk to your dad, then talk to a trusted adult (clergy, teacher or neighbor). You need to talk with someone about your grief and anger.

Answer 8

I am so sorry for your loss, I just lost my grandfather this year and it was one of the most difficult things I have had to go through.

One of the things that has helped me is trying to think of all the good times we had together and the things he enjoyed out of life and knowing his unconditional love for me and how much he enjoyed life.

I am sure that your sister loved your grandfather but people handle death differently. Maybe she did not know how to handle the situation or want to accept the fact that he was so ill. Alot of times we think people are gonna last forever and they will always be there.

I believe that your grandfather knew how much you loved him and he was at peace with that, now you need to make peace with it yourself.

Talk to your dad, this is the time to pull together with your family not apart. Dont you think your grandfather would want that? You could always talk to your father about maybe having a family get together in memory of your grandfather. If he is not comfortable doing this or it wasnt something he feels your grandpa would of wanted maybe you can take sometime for yourself and do something in memory for him. god bless.

Answer 9

It's nobody's fault what happened. It sounds like your sister went tanning before things started to go downhill. Your grandfather knew you loved him, and knew that he was in your heart. It would be a shame for your last memory of him was that you didn't get a chance to see him at his absolute worst. Remember the good times, and forgive your sister. I think that is what your grandfather would have wanted you to do.

Answer 10

I'm so sorry. I could sense the pain in your question. You have to do something or else you will feel badly toward your sister for too long.

You have to talk with someone about it. It's part of the grieving process.

Makeup your mind to speak with your Dad. And plan to speak with your sister later on, tell her how you feel without accusing her. She probably feels badly about it too.

It's good for you to get it off your chest so you don't go into deep depression.

Good luck