How does one overcome a traumatic childhood?

Question

I have what the doctors call a "personality disorder". I can go from being calm and collective one minute to being full of anger and rage the next. And it doesn't seem like it takes much to set me off. I don't like a tough guy image. I don't like for people to be afraid of me. It makes me feel like mabe I am crazy cause everyone seems to be afraid of what I might do. All I want to do is live a normal life and be successful at my goals. I am a talented musician and a pretty good athlete. Playing sports does seem to help me release some anger. But only for a short time. If I'm in a position where I have time to think. I can have one of those angry outbursts. I try to think positive. But it seems like sense I grew up in a violent and perverted environment its like my mind has been trained to think this certain way and I can't seem to change the way my mind thinks. I want to change! But it is definately not easy. I wish it was! This is the type of thing abuse can cause in someone.

Answer 1

Wow, it sounds like you have been through quite a lot in your life, and are re-living it in your daily actions. Unresolved hurt does manifest itelf through anger or depression (which is anger turned inward), or self-inflicted pain, even pain to others we care about.

So, have you seen a therapist? If so, how long did you go? Did you really do your homework as far as what the Therapist may have recommended you do (writings, prayer, positive affirmations, confronting your abusers, etc.)? Not every therapist will work for you. It is like a relationship, you may have to go through several before you find the right "fit".

I too lived a childhood that was so horrific, you would think it was untrue. The things my parents did were unimaginable. They died when I turned 16. However, my brothers and I were left to drag the baggage of all they had done to us.

The good news is that you have a choice. You can chose to live as a victim to all that has happened in your past, or, instead, you can get some therapy, work on your issues, and rise above that. Listen, those who hurt you may have had the power at the time, however, why keep giving them the power? If you remain angry, bitter and hurtful to yourself and others, you just allow those people that hurt you to keep hurting you, yet, you carry the weapon in your hands this time. I vowed I'd not give them the satisfaction.

It is like an alcoholic who gets mad at someone and goes to a bar to drink it off, they go to "drink at them". They get stinking drunk because they are so angry, but ultimately, who are they hurting? They only hurt themself.

Evidently you want help. I hope you will be proactive and really seek some counseling. There are many well trained Therapists out there that can work with you. Don't be afraid to "interview" them first either. Ask them how many people they have counseled that have experienced similar issues. Ask them thier success rate? Ask them if they themselves have experienced any of those same issues and how they overcame them?

Let go of being a "tough guy". In the end, you only succeed in keeping away those people who could ultimately love and accept you regardless of your past.

Love yourself first MOST OF ALL!

Good luck. Trust me, it can be done. I lived it. I live it still everyday, but made the choice years ago to slay my dragons. You can too!

Answer 2

It is not bad that you are seeking profesional help though I feel choice is seldom seen for the decisive factor that it is. Siblings from the same horrid homes take different paths because they choose to. My own childhood was to put it politely sub-optimal. I have siblings with felony arrest records, that have lost their children to child protective services, dishonorably discharged from the military, and that abuse their spouses. I am now in my 40's retired from a very successful Air Force career, in a long stable loving mairage, have a masters degree and earn a six figure income. I have chosen and worked for these things. Choose to think differently, choose a different attitude. Choose to take control of your temper. I had similar self control and anger issues as a young man and decided to change because I was messing up my life and very unhappy. I rejected my programing and so can you. Do not feel weak if you need some outside/profesional help and know that if you make the correct choices and have the discipline to make them stick you can have a great life! a great way to start making changes is to pursue a grand and difficult goal that demands discipline of you and start working on it. Marathon running did it for me, could be body building, martial arts or mastering a new instrument for you but it has to be something that demands you push beyond your limitations and do some thing that aint too easy for you. When I completed my first marathon I realized what I could achieve through discipline and self control. I mastered my anger, had the courage to go to college and started getting promotions. I even became the kind of guy a decent lady would marry. Good luck and choose to have a good life.

Answer 3

Counselling is a very positive and life enhancing experience.You may walk through some of your childhood issues in a safe enviroment with a therapist not connected to a religious organization.Other wise,you may feel judgement and bias.I have done this with a counselor,and it helped me face alot of old pattern behaviour so that I am more aware of how I hurt people around me.It is an on-going process.Good luck and I hope you will continue to seek answers

Answer 4

Would suggest you see another doctor..Is the typical complaint of bipolar patients. Is treated satisfactorily with proper meds.

Answer 5

Crap happens deal with it.. everyone has issues.. if it bugs you that much seek professional help from some therapist...