2006-12-11 06:49:32 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Driving Etiquette for Rednecks
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
Do not remove the marlbro from your mouth before telling the state trooper to kiss off.
Put Brush Guards on all our vehicles
When taking Shortcut off road, be careful as not to hit anyone who might be walking.
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You must have big tires on all vehicles (even cars).
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A Jack Daniels bottle is not a gear shift.
When you get stopped and the officer says he is going to write you a ticket don't tell him, "No thanks, I won't be staying for the drawing."
When you get gas tell the worker to twist the rag three times because if he doesn't the service light will come on.
Cattle horns on the hood of your vehicle look like gunsights when possums are crossing the road.
The race car is not street legal even if you do have a license.
Never tell your wife that duct tape will fix the fan belt of her car.
Don't try to race the hurse in a funeral.
Redneck Christmas
In a small Texas town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. But one small feature bothered me: the three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.
At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never read your Bibles!"
I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.
She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and riffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar.'"
Redneck Dayvorce
The farmer went into a lawyer's office and said, "I want one of them there dayvorces."
The lawyer said, "Do you have grounds?"
The farmer said, "Yes, I have 140 acres."
The lawyer said, "No you don't understand. Do you have a case?"
The farmer said, "No, I have a John Deere."
The lawyer said, "You still don't understand. Do you have a grudge?"
The farmer said, "Yes, that's what I park my John Deere under every night."
The lawyer said, "You still don't understand. Do you have a suit?"
The farmer said, "Yes, I wear it to church every Sunday."
The lawyer said, "Does she beat you up?"
The farmer said, "No, we both get up about 4:30 every morning."
The lawyer said, "Is she a ******?"
The farmer said, "No, she's a little ol' white gal, but the last youngen' she had was a ******. That's why I want a dayvorce."
2006-12-11 06:58:57 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You Might be a redneck...
If your momma doesn't have to take the Marlboro out of her mouth to tell the state cop to kiss her ***
If when Ur dog stops to use the tree at the end of the block, U do, too
If U keep a flyswatter in the car to hit the kids in the back of the car
If u stare intently at a package of orange juice because it sayd concentrate
If U work without a shirt on and so does your hubby
2006-12-11 06:54:29 · answer #2 · answered by Queen Mab13 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if your collection of salad bowls has the word "Cool Whip" across the side...you might be a redneck
If youve been 3 times divorced and still have the same inlaws....you might be a redneck
If you think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.....you might be a redneck
If your christmas carol concerning the 12 days of christmas contains the following:
12 pack of Bud
11 wrestling tickets
10 o' Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of redman
6 cans of spam
5 flanel shirts
4 big mudd tires
3 shot gun shells
2 hunting dogs
and some parts to a mustang GT....you might be a redneck
If your stove is on the porch and your lawn chairs are in the kitchen....you might be a redneck
If in you wedding video, as the best man hands you the ring you hand him your beer bottle and cigarette and threaten to knock out his last tooth if he drinks you beer.....you might be a redneck.
If The Home Shopping Network channel operator recognizes your voice..... you might be a redneck
If any of your kids were conceived at the car wash...you might be a redneck
If you consider a six-pack and a bug zapper quality entertainment
.....you might be a redneck
If you think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.....you might be a redneck
if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language......you might be a redneck
2006-12-11 06:53:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
if someone hollers HOEDOWN and your girlfriend hits the floor you might be a redneck
if your dog passes gas and you clame it you might be a redneck
if you thought the nutcracker was something you did off the high dive you might be a redneck
2006-12-11 06:51:43 · answer #4 · answered by poopy dr. 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I havent heard this humorous tale in awhile yet i think of it is going like this i think of. Redneck: i in my view hate N***** some clever guy: Why? RN: they jus do stupid ****..I dnt get it. SSG: properly nobodys gets why you paint you neck purple, **** your sister, and devour highway kill. RN: whats so complicated to comprehend approximately that?
2016-10-18 03:01:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you weren't making jokes about rednecks, who would you make them about? I'm not a redneck , but I know some and they are very friendly. I suppose you are one of those people who believes everything you see portrayed in the media. Got any black jokes?
2006-12-11 06:52:16 · answer #6 · answered by lefty 4 · 0⤊ 5⤋
If you name your kid after ammunition.... you might be a red neck..
If you put neon light ground effects, on your tractor... you might be a redneck..
2006-12-11 06:51:45 · answer #7 · answered by J-Rod on the Radio 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋