How do I get out of being a bridesmaid?

Question

I met a girl about 6 months ago and we became good friends and about 3 months after we met she and her boyfriend got engaged...

and she asked me to be one of the bridesmaids...

I think she just asked me because she didn't want me to feel left out...which is fine...and we're good friends and get along well...but I don't really actually want to be a bridesmaid...i feel really bad about feeling this way, because I like being her friend and I'd really love to be at the wedding and see her get married, but I just don't want to be a bridesmaid...!!!

Should I just suck it in, and go through with it...after all it's only one day!...or how do I tell her how I feel without hurting her feelings...

Answer 1

Be honest about how you feel about it. Somebody may actually want to, maybe try to find out and give the position to her instead.

Answer 2

I had a bridesmaid who I felt frustrated with because she was constantly complaining of the financial obligation of being a bridesmaid. I definitely didn't want to be a burden to her so I told her if she felt she couldn't buy the dress or help out, by all means, it was OK for her to step down and there wouldn't be any harsh feelings.
Being a bridesmaid is at least a $200-$500 (in more $$$ weddings) obligation and it should be someone you really feel close to.
If you don't feel like being a b-maid, I would tell the girl that while you value you friendship with her, you would feel more comfortable supporting her marriage as a member of the audience. If you need a reason, tell her your friendship with her is new and it would make you uncomfortable to be in situations with so many people who know her better.
I believe the bride would be OK with this (or, at least, I know I would) rather than you reluctantly participating in bridal events. If you still want to help out, tell her so. Maybe you can help cut and serve the cake. Or greet guests and make them feel more comfortable at the ceremony or the reception.

Answer 3

I've been a bride and a bridesmaid, and believe me, it does take some work to be a bridesmaid and quite a bit of money! If you're not 100% enthusiastic about being a bridesmaid, it's very possible that tensions will arise that could damage your friendship.

If this is early in the wedding planning stage, then privately talk with her and say that being a bridesmaid is a financial and time commitment that you can't guarantee. Say its best for you to step down now, instead of causing possible problems later. I'm sure she'll understand!

Answer 4

If it's truly a situation that would be a hardship to you, like not having the money, or having a deathly phobia of crowds or something like that, I think you could explain that to her along with saying how you'd love to support her some other way - helping her with the planning, or running errands, or even doing something like the guest book or something for the wedding - and she would probably understand.

If there's no concrete reason why you don't want to, I think if I were you and wanted to maintain the friendship, I would do it anyway. You may actually have a good time, and if your friend is a good one, it will mean a lot to her.

I doubt she would have asked you "just so you wouldn't feel left out" - it's a pretty important decision as to who you invite to be a bridesmaid. But, if you truly feel that's why she asked you - if she was uncomfortable about it at all, or gave you an out, you could try to kindly take it. If you're really good friends, though, you might be missing out.

Good luck with your decision!

Answer 5

Whats so wrong with being a bridesmaid, a fancy dress, yout hair and make-up done..why not?? I would be privilaged and accept the offer, and anyways, by the time they actually get married, you may be up for the idea. If the wedding is soon and you still dont want to do it then explain to her that you dont think its best for you to be a bridesmaid, and tell her how you feel about it, if she is a true friend she will understand. Have fun at the wedding ; )

Answer 6

I don't think you are going to be able to tell her without hurting her feelings. Every girl thinks that her wedding is magical and can't really fathom that someone wouldn't want to be a part of that. The only way to do this and still have a chance of salvaging your friendship is to be honest with her and simply tell that you don't want to...you want to share her day with her, but as guest and not part of the bridal party. Also, you may be able to do a little digging...maybe her fiance has a set number of guys that he "must have" in the wedding and she is short on corresponding girls. If this is the case, then maybe as a friend you can help her out. But...it does get expensive to be a bridesmaid...so don't put your self in the poor house unless you really want to help out and you can swing the cost.

I don't envy you--this is a terrible situation.

Answer 7

I have been in both of your shoes before! It is best to just stick it out. Being a bride can be very stressful. I am sure she asked you because she values you as a friend and wants to share her special day with you. Trust me, with all the things she has going on, like seating, dress fitting, hair, and just plain wedding jitters, the last thing that she really needs is for someone to tell her that they would rather not be in her wedding.

I know it is making a sacrafice of time on your part, but it will be well worth it when one day she says, you know, It would'nt have been the same without you there!

I remember when that wedding march started to play at my own wedding, I almost fainted. I just looked over at my best friend, and bridesmaid and she gave me a smile, I knew she wad behind me 100% and that really made me feel better. I have been married for 7.5 years now and it means alot to me that she was there.

I hope you make the decision that will be best for you, Good luck, and have a Merry Christmas!

Answer 8

Why is it that you really don't want to be a bridesmaid?? Is it because you feel like you don't belong there because you just met her, or is it something else? If after figuring that out you still feel like you don't want to be one of her bridesmaids, then just tell her you are feeling uncomfortable. If money is the reason, then just tell her your finances aren't going to allow for all of the extra expenses. Make sure she knows how much you want to be there for her on the wedding day, just not at the altar with her.

Answer 9

Hi dont worry about it too much. Im getting married next year and two of my bridesmaids have dropped out already. i kind of sensed that something was wrong with my maid of hounour. As she seems to not have much confidence to wear a dress she was putting forward of ideas like suits and things, but as i wanted her to be the same as the rest, i really wanted her to come down for fittings for dresses and things, but i got the impression that she really didnt want to be too involved. So come to the day whe we were having dress fittings, i just explained to her that i didnt really mind what she wore and she didnt really need to wear a dress if she wasnt comfortable. She then explained to me she really wanted to take the back seat and be there as my made of houour but blend in as one of the guests. I dont mind this just as long as she is as the wedding i am happy. Just explain to your friend you feel awkward infront of everyone and you are nervous and could you said when she dropped out.
At the end of the day your friend would rather be happy known you dont want to be a bridesmaid than you look miserable on her wedding day. If she takes a funny with you, then you dont have to go to the wedding either. But im sure she will fine and understanding.

Answer 10

There is no good way out of this. You say you are "good friends". What good friends do is be in each other's weddings. So I get where she is coming from.

I am assuming you already did the fake "oh god I'm so happy for you of course I'll do it!" If that is the case you have to do it. What's the big deal anyway? Are you nervous about cost? You really only need to get a dress. Couple hundred dollars. You would probably go to the bachelorette and bridal showers anyway. I say you do it.

Answer 11

Unless you will suffer some sort of financial hardship if you do participate, I would just suck it up and do it. When is the wedding? If it is still a good distance away, are there plenty of other people she could ask in your place? You probably shouldn't have agreed to in the first place since you had only known her such a short time, but now you may as well go ahead with it since you already agreed to.