He back chats me, and speaks to me as if I am a dog. I only try to do good but all is taken for granted. Not his Mom or his Dad gets treated this way and he always does this behind his fathers back. I don't have children of my own and really do not know how to handle the situation. Only answer if you really have advice. Thanx.
2006-12-11 05:49:20 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
As a step-mother I know what you are going through and I know how it feels to want to reach out and touch him as well. This kid might be but he already knows how to manipulate the situation. He knows you are not his mother and he does it behind his fathers back because he knows chances are his father wouldn't allow it. Next time he pops off at you just tell him you are sorry he feels that way but since he does you guess he doesn't need you to do anything for him, in return don't cook for him, clean up after him, or anything else. Talk to your husband and tell him that you love him and don't want him caught in the middle so this is your way to deal with it. As far as the cooking goes keep things in the fridge that can be easily microwaved so that he can fix them himself. If he speaks to you in a rude tone simply shrug and say gee I could of swore I heard domething but I guess not. If he sees he is not going to get a reaction out of you he also sees he isn't winning. Before he comes next time sit down with your husband and decide what the rules are together and make sure you are both on the same page. Chances are since all of this goes on behind his back hubby might not believe you at first so be prepared.
2006-12-11 06:20:40 · answer #1 · answered by Martha S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let him know first of all, that you are not his mother and are not trying to take her place. Explain to him that even though he may not like you, he should treat you respectfully. Involve your husband, his father, in this situation ~ without allowing the husband to discipline this child which would only increase his hostility toward you. maybe he just needs his father's reassurance that he loves him more than anything or anyone.... but pointing out that he loves you as well just in a different way. Sounds like this young man is threatened by your relationship with HIS dad. How's the mom's view of you??? Could the attitude be coming from her?
You are the adult but remember mom and dad splitting up was rough on this kid... his life has totally changed. With some time and patience, he will see that you "respect" him and love him as much as his dad. Good luck!!!
2006-12-11 05:59:01 · answer #2 · answered by Edin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's the way to do it. Hit your child so he can learn to hit others. What does it say to a child when he is getting hit and then gets in trouble for hitting? Not a good role model. If you have to hit your child, then you need to go to parenting classes and learn how to have a child respect you and how to discipline them without raising your voice or hitting. What a sad state of affairs if a parent lets themselves hit a children in frustration. Anger for the parents is a good start. Is there anything else you are doing that the child is mimicking? If a parent is always yelling, then the child will feel that is an appropriate response. If a parent runs to the liquor cabinet every time things get tough, then the child will find a way to make himself feel better by doing drugs, drinking, etc. There is a way to discipline that is effective and puts the choices back on the child. There is a book called Love and Logic that is a simple and easy to grasp way to set up your relationship with your child that takes the pressure off of you and puts it back on the child. Try it.
2016-05-23 05:53:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok this is all about pushing your buttons and to see how far he can go with you. You need to talk to his dad. And let him know that there are limitations. You will not be over run by him. And that you have a say so in his well being. And treating you like an evil step mother is not one of them. I would also let him know that you are not going anywhere. And either he will respect you or he will suffer the consequents. Also make rules of the house. And let him know that you are not there to take over his mothers role. But you love his father and would do anything for his dad and him.
2006-12-11 05:58:54 · answer #4 · answered by Christina 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well let me say that I also had a problem like that. I had my exwifes daughter, not my own but I have had custody of her since she was 3. she is now 9. Her Mom moved away, thats why I got her, anyhow - She would do all of that plus more, I did all that I could do with her, I had her talking to her mother, I took her to counciling, and nothing seemed to work.
Untill, this last summer. I did the one thing I had forgot to do and that was to sit and talk with her and ask her what the problem was and what she wanted to do to fix this.
well what she wanted till this day has broken my heart, she wanted to live with her mom. so after several months of getiing her ready to move to texas, she moved. I talk with her all the time and she is very happy. She knows that I love her, she can call me all the time, and can come back anytime she wants. So I had to give her what she wanted to keep us all happy, in a way !
2006-12-11 06:09:31 · answer #5 · answered by madman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My 10 year old has to be put in his place sometimes because of his attitude. how long have you and his dad been together. Every kid has this fantasy (no longer how long it has been) that their parents are together. This may be some of the problem, or he may have not gotten the boundaries adjustment recently that he needs. Maybe you should talk to your husband and let him know. No matter the reason, this new attitude is not acceptable, and he needs to know that. I am sure you know that. Just remember that he is starting to get all of those boy hormones. I am sure he is trying to adjust to them also, he just needs to direct it elsewhere.
2006-12-11 06:01:39 · answer #6 · answered by singitoutloudandclear 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to know up front that you are not his mom and he knows that, kids like for their parents to be together and he may be trying to get you to leave, I have heard this advice before from other step parents, always treat the kids as if they are the most important person to you regardless of what he does, Give him love at all time, send him to his dad when he needs to be disciplined.
2006-12-11 05:57:51 · answer #7 · answered by stringhead3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he just has an issue with you. You not being his mother, and probably resenting his father for being with you. You can't replace his birth mother, and don't try to be his friend. You are the one in authority because you are the adult. I think you and your husband should talk to your stepson TOGETHER about this. ALL THREE OF YOU TOGETHER. Don't be a punk, ask the hard questions.
2006-12-11 06:10:58 · answer #8 · answered by Kelly45 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell his father, if he does it behind his fathers back thats a sign he knows dad wont let him get away with it.
it will only get sorted if you inform dad, once dad has imformed id hope he would punish the boy, and after that i suggest you work out how far you are allowed to discipline him in the future and then i recomend you discipline him as well with the promise of telling his father if he does not co-operate.
2006-12-11 08:29:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, 11 is a good age to start puberty and from what I get from this...he is pushing your buttons b/c he knows he can't get away with it from his parents...my nephew was the same way...thank god he has come to his senses...and has calmed down a bit. Chalk it up to puberty, but nip it in the bud and make him understand that although you can't take his mommy's place nor do you want to, but you will be treated with respect at all times as you are his dad's wife and you demand it!
2006-12-11 05:55:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋