Would it be better to tell him I don't want the baby or tell him I had a miscarriage?

Question

Having recently discovered that I'm pregnant, and having long pros and cons discussions, I've decided not to keep the baby for many reasons. Before the decision was made, my partner expressed his view that he would not agree with that decision, but would support me if that was ultimately my choice. Now, knowing that people sometimes say things they obviously don't mean... should I be up front about my decision or go with something like an "ectopic pregnancy...miscarriage eminent" type story? I don't necessarily WANT to be dishonest, but I don't want to put him through any more emotional distress than necessary, nor do I want to risk this issue ruining an otherwise good relationship.

The purpose of this question was NOT to get your opinions on abortion. If that's your purpose in responding, please don't bother. If you do not believe in abortion, that's your problem, not mine - I won't be persuaded - so you can waster your thoughts and arguments with someone else. Thank you to all of the people who have so far given me insight to the question THAT I ACTUALLY ASKED.

Answer 1

the best way is to be honest. if you have an abortion and tell him you miscarried later when you to grieve together he might sense that your grievance is fake and might think that you are cold hearted and didn't care that you miscarried. i suggest that you just sit down and have a honest conversation about what you fell it is the best way because the truth seem to always seep it's way out in the end.

Answer 2

Lying certainly won't solve it, b/c some way or another he's bound to find out the truth. Just tell him you don't want the baby, why, and that ultimately it's your decision (sorry guys, but the law kinda HAS screwed you over, hasn't it?). Are you two still together? If so, you both have the long-term implications of this to consider. If he says he will support you either way, then he needs to be prepared to live up to that. If he THINKS he can get over it, he'd better do some serious soul searching to make sure.

I know a guy that was in your partner's shoes. His marriage wasn't going so well, but somehow they ended up pregnant. She knew she didn't want the baby and she knew the marriage was over, so she put her foot down and said "this is my decision." He drove her to the clinic to abort the pregnancy, telling her the same thing...2 years later they're divorced and he still can't forgive himself for just driving her down there.

Answer 3

Go to PreistsforLife.org and see the photos of aborted babies. I cannot believe anyone would want to do that.

This beating heart within you did not ask to be conceived, YOU made that choice! Do you have any idea how many happily devoted couples cry at night because they cannot conceive, then here you are throwing a perfect baby in the garbage!! Shame on you!

At least have to decency to give that baby a chance, even with another family.

I've seen clips of how an abortion is performed. The doctor pokes a sharp instrument into your uterus and proceeds to un-attach the baby and poke it to shreds, then sucks it out with a vaccuum type thing. In the clip I saw, the baby actually re-coiled in pain and tried to get away from the sharp device. The baby's heartbeat also accelerated during the procedure until it was killed. The baby in the clip was 14weeks. The head was big enough that the doctor had to bludgeon it and suck out the insides to make it fit out through the womans cervix.

If you're mature enough to have um-protected sex, then DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES. This is why God's plan was for couples to first marry, be happy, then have SEX......when things happen backwards like this, you get people with STD's and unwanted pregnancies.


Please re-think your choice. You'll only be pregnant for 9mo, then you can "wash your hands of him/her" and allow an infertile couple the blessing of a child. Or, are you afraid that you might want to keep the baby....gee.


YOU KNOW WHAT LADY, YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO YOUR UNBORN CHILD. IT'S NOT LIKE THE DOCTOR GENTLY REMOVES THE BABY AND PLACES HIM/HER ONTO A BED OF FEATHERS.....THEY ARE STABBED TO DEATH AND SUCKED FROM YOUR BODY. YEAH, THE TRUTH HURTS EH, YOU CAN'T HANDLE KNOWING WHAT IS ACTUALLY DONE AND CHOOSE TO BE IGNORANT OF THE PRECEDURE SO YOU GET ALL MAD AND DEFENSIVE.

TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND THE TRUTH. IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU NEED TO LIE, THEN DEEP DOWN YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY NOT THAT CONFIDENT OF YOUR CHOICE TO ABORT YOUR BABY.....WHICH YOU ARE TRYING TO DEFEND THAT YOU ARE.

YOU ARE SICK, YOU NEED MENTAL HELP. KILLING BABIES ISN'T THE ANSWER. I SAVED MY SISTER FROM AN ALMOST 2ND ABORTION, SHE NOW HAS A BEAUTIFUL 4MO BABY GIRL THAT HAS MADE HER SINGLE LIFE AMAZING.

Answer 4

I will most often get dangerous rankings for this however I consider you must inform him. IMO it is the mature factor to do. You informed him whilst you learned you had been pregnant, why no longer inform him that it used to be misplaced? I consider NOT TELLING him is spiteful (despite the fact that he is a real azz for the way he handled you). Use this possibility to acquire closure of the drawback with him (it sort of feels you have not performed so or he would not even nonetheless be a inspiration at this factor). Regardless of whether or not you do or do not - I'm sorry you misplaced your youngster.

Answer 5

Please do not lie to your partner. He already knows how you feel about the pregnancy. There are so many people out in this world that want children more than anything and are unable to become pregnant. And then there are people like you that get pregnant and don't want the child. Maybe next time you should consider birth control, or if your bc failed maybe you should consider permanent birth control. Your reasons for not having a child are yours and nobody else's, but don't lie.

Answer 6

You have to be honest with him. Can you imagine trying to keep up with that lie? If he ever found out, would he/could he forgive you then?
I can't help but wonder also (at the risk of sounding like a b#@%h), will it make it easier for you to deal with also by lying about it to him? (don't get me wrong, I am totally pro-choice and believe it is YOUR body and YOU make your own choices!) I know, I have been there, it is not an easy decision to make especially if you are in a good relationship. (If you don't believe me, check my answers to other ??'s)
Good luck.

Answer 7

I was in a similar situation, I decided to go and have a medical abortion, it causes a miscarriage, and is done at home, and is a lot less stressfull, I knew I couldnt go through with the surgical procedure, and he was there the whole time, and it was a good decision we made, he didn't agree but supported me, like your bf.. Hope this helps

Answer 8

If you are not honest with him then you will ruin an otherwise good relationship. No good relationship can be based on a lie. How do you think he would feel later if he found out that you had killed his baby and lied to him about it?

Answer 9

Be up front. It's your body, but it's his baby, too. Sit down and talk about the financial social items that lay ahead and get his inside. But if you don't want to carry the baby to term, and he wants you to, then your relationship isn't going to get any better no matter what you do.

As a man and father I'd want to know whatever you decide to do.

Answer 10

Wow what's with all these sick abortion questions?
You're in a loving relationship, theres no reason for you to abort other then the fact that you don't want to be responsible for your actions.
I don actually care what you do, I just hope that you have no regrets.